Want to know what you guys really think !: Swingers Discussion 56146

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TOPIC: Want to know what you guys really think !

Created by: Permagrn27 Original Starting post for this thread:
Here is the thing. I feel so bad alot of the times lately. We have met many wonderful couples ( at meet and greets) and the ladies are fantastic. They are funny and sexy and flirtatious and sensual and their husbands well they sit there. I am bi so that's an excelent start. The husbands are nice that's not the issue. I think they are great guys. Its more like they just sit there. Nate and I were talking on our way home last night. I feel like such a downer sometimes. We are having fun flirting dancing teasing and chatting trying with both but the women mainly. I have no problem with that at all. Its just I am not a sexual aggressor by any means. I like a man to know what he wants and what he likes and get it. Just as I am enjoying the women because they are letting go and living and experiencing the lifestyle. I just do not understand ok if the couple is into us and want us and she keeps saying oh he so wants you yadda ya.. Why is he just sitting there. I can tell she wants to do us.. Why can't i tell he wants to. So Nate then says honey women rule the lifestyle and you know that. I said why? He says well here let me run the list down to you... The single women is the top because everyone wants them they can have that power over some couples.. then the wives because she has to be happy so the hubby can be... then the hubbies.. then the single men... ( wondering if alot of guys feel this way) He says he never ever flirts or makes a pass at a women who hasn't already let hiim know in some way she is ok with it. I said but what's wrong with asking. he says then your pushy and arrogant. I do not think asking makes you pushy its persisting when being politely declined that's pushy. I am attracted to guys who let me know they like and want me as I do them. It bugs me to think that the fact is unless i get aggressive it just wont be so. Like they are afraid of rejection and or labeling that holds them back. So in turn I really have issues playing with these guys and I like guys damn it ! However hubby ya know is having fun because the wife is outgoing and fun. So its like I feel I am spoiling his good time. Even though he says I am all the good time he needs. if I am not having fun he isn't either. Which make me feel wonderful but bad at the same time cause he is just so patient and understanding of everything. So guys what i quess the question is do I have to become more aggressive to make this happen. I am very receptive when the attempts are made and well if they are. Do alot of you actual have the same way of looking at swinging as my hubby ?

Created by: Permagrn27
Original Starting post for this thread:

Here is the thing. I feel so bad alot of the times lately. We have met many wonderful couples ( at meet and greets) and the ladies are fantastic. They are funny and sexy and flirtatious and sensual and their husbands well they sit there. I am bi so that's an excelent start. The husbands are nice that's not the issue. I think they are great guys. Its more like they just sit there. 

Nate and I were talking on our way home last night. I feel like such a downer sometimes. We are having fun flirting dancing teasing and chatting trying with both but the women mainly. I have no problem with that at all. Its just I am not a sexual aggressor by any means. I like a man to know what he wants and what he likes and get it. Just as I am enjoying the women because they are letting go and living and experiencing the lifestyle. I just do not understand ok if the couple is into us and want us and she keeps saying oh he so wants you yadda ya.. Why is he just sitting there. I can tell she wants to do us.. Why can't i tell he wants to.

So Nate then says honey women rule the lifestyle and you know that. I said why? He says well here let me run the list down to you...
The single women is the top because everyone wants them they can have that power over some couples.. then the wives because she has to be happy so the hubby can be... then the hubbies.. then the single men... ( wondering if alot of guys feel this way)

He says he never ever flirts or makes a pass at a women who hasn't already let hiim know in some way she is ok with it. I said but what's wrong with asking. he says then your pushy and arrogant. I do not think asking makes you pushy its persisting when being politely declined that's pushy.

 I am attracted to guys who let me know they like and want me as I do them.
It bugs me to think that the fact is unless i get aggressive it just wont be so. Like they are afraid of rejection and or labeling that holds them back. So in turn I really have issues playing with these guys and I like guys damn it ! However hubby ya know is having fun because the wife is outgoing and fun. So its like I feel I am spoiling his good time. Even though he says I am all the good time he needs. if I am not having fun he isn't either. Which make me feel wonderful but bad at the same time cause he is just so patient and understanding of everything.

So guys what i quess the question is do I have to become more aggressive to make this happen. I am very receptive when the attempts are made and well if they are. Do alot of you actual have the same way of looking at swinging as my hubby ?

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User Details are only visible to members.	why do men get defensive if another guy starts flirting, petting heavy with his wife when she is flirting back.Why do they walk away angry ,upset or yell no you can't do that.Whoose fault is it? Is it the guy that is doping the flirting, is it her or is it the husband for being insecure. If you kissing, touching, have their breast in your hand ,skirt above their waste, they have your cock out whats the problem? Communication or lack of becomes or became the problem. I have to disagree where the woman is in total control.Yes they have the option to say no at any time. so does the male.Either sex has first choice at communicating. If no then its no and you go on.Works for both sexes.If the feamle does not want sexits not goingto happen. Wheres the difference if the male does not want to have sex. Do I think people should show thier attraction . Absolutely yes, they must show that they want to be there and be involved. To sit there, watch what your wife/mate do and come along for the ride is garbage. Show others that it is more then your wife getting hers.
Sarasota FL			Username hidden (2070 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	Yes Perm, the women rule. "When the wives are happy the hubbys are in heaven" I'm very much like Nate, beins I won't make moves uninvited. It's a politeness & respect thing. But you know that allready, jus wop me upside the head and holler "let's fuck" and I'm there, lol. ;-) Mike
Bedford PA			Username hidden (5526 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	see guys.. I am bi... But I like my women to be women and my men to be men.... I have so transsexual and transvestite friends that are a blast to have fun with... I just wouldn't want to do them !
Bridgeport PA			Username hidden (12781 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	darn it... now the guys are afraid you two are going to put them in a dress..... however i do not want a man in a dress.... i wear the dress him the pants.8-)
Bridgeport PA			Username hidden (12781 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	So.. I am bringing a frying pan and Esel to dinner... Think that will help ?
Bridgeport PA			Username hidden (12781 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	Thanks Perm, I will keep that in mind. And hopefully many of the men and women read this thread and learn from it. It's been a great one, Thanks for posting it. Rusty
Montoursville PA			Username hidden (98 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	Rusty you didn't upset me darlin... I started this thread before that. I just know I give signals. I know I am not unapproachable. I think I am the exact opposite of that. I know I flirt and smile and say yes. I do understand why you guys think that way. I am sure its alot of our doing ( the women). I just think so many of you take it to the extreme. Its ok to show an interest in a women any women when at a swing event such as a meet and greet. That's why you are there and so are we. It not ok to push and touch and grab with out asking.. I do not see how smiling and allow one to know your interested is not acceptable. if its not then why is swinging not a women only activity. ( Thank god its not) Maybe I am just trying to take some of the pressure off you men and let you all know. There are alot of women like me out there ! I am not a lonely old breed. Hopefully it will help yall take the step into the unknown and actually get into it. Then maybe lots of fun can be had.
Bridgeport PA			Username hidden (12781 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	Perm, I understand your frustration over this subject and I think a lot of the men in the lifestyle are just as frustrated as you. I want to apologize if I upset you in the chat room this morning. That was not my intention. A lot of times I have a hard time articulating my feelings and thoughts, which is one of the reasons I seldom, if ever, post anything in the forums, but that is another subject in another part of the forums. I don't have a problem with being more aggressive once I've gotten a clear signal from either the husband or wife that she is interested. I worry about reading subtle hints the wrong way and looking like an ass. Just my two cents. And again Perm, please accept my apologies if I upset you. Rusty (who probably still didn't word it right)
Montoursville PA			Username hidden (98 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	I never realized i had so much control. i do not want.. Silly me for thinking the men need to count and have fun to.. tisk tisk.. shame on me... If women really do and act this way I feel for their spouse's. i want my hubby to have fun and enjoy. I want him to feel wanted and desired. I want him to be free to express his desires and have them not label him and agressive ass. Which he in no way is. Just as much as i want that man to make me feel wanted and desired. That what I want and need and like count also into the equasion. Not be the only thing that counts. I see it as everyone is important when playing with them period. I am not going to enjoy the wife and ignore the spouse. Just as i do not want him to ignore me either. I know when the situation is right. he hubby is well handled and I hope see give mine the same in return. otherwise isn't the entire thing pointless. I kow I can have a good time at home with hubby. If I have to hit a guy with a frying pan to get them to be receptive and flirt that just sucks.
Bridgeport PA			Username hidden (12781 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	Once I get the "come on" from a woman, I am not shy at all. But in a party setting, I will always wait for some sort of sign that a woman has an interest in me. I will move around the room and mingle, but if I get no indication that a woman would like to get to know me better, I will hang back and wait to see if anything develops. The LAST thing I want to do is come on to a woman who wishes I would quit. I want to make women comfortable being in my presence, not uncomfortable. This (swinging) really IS an activity in which women call the shots. Since that's just how it is, and women are not only permitted but ENCOURAGED to approach and tease men in ways that are NOT acceptable for men to approach women, then it seems to me that it is the responsibility of women to somehow signal men in whom they have an interest. It can range from asking him to dance to actual physical advances, something that men are not permitted to do. Just our experience. Jim
South Riding VA			Username hidden (8158 post)

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