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SEXUAL PERFORMANCE ANXIETY : Swingers Discussion 180765
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TOPIC: SEXUAL PERFORMANCE ANXIETY
Created by: CPLFCPL
Original Starting post for this thread:
It might be an embarrassing to admit to have an sexual performance anxiety but it happens very often. There is no problem when being with wife as getting hard comes after some foreplaysbetween two of us however when playing with another couple it is very dificult to achieve even that other women try her best. Does anyone experience such thing as well? Any ideas or tips how to prevent this to happen? It is realy embarrassing

Big but soft Guy

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"fit in" as in what is "normal" versus what is not normal in either direction.

My focus has not been on my own pleasure. My focus in split between my own "sizing up" and my wife's pleasure. I'm self aware enough to know where the distractions are. Don't think I could ever ignore my wife's pleasure... I'm not like that.

Its has happened and worked fine... and it has also been tried and failed. The times its worked, the other guy was very friendly and respectful to my wife in conversation before hand. He also didn't try to murder my wife's vagina with his cock... he was respectful of my "house."

It works better for me if he seems more of a "friend".... I'd rather have a friend "plow my wife" than the opposite. We've experienced each so I have real life stuff to compare to. She doesn't like when the guy comes out of the starting gate with his cock set to destroy either.... that is what stops it dead in its tracks for both of us.

I also noticed I have a problem with same-room sex (mine with mine him with his) if he is overly loud. To me, there is a serious mood killer if all that can be heard in the room is him "UUuuuuuughh.... UUUUUGHHHhhh..... UUUUGGGggggghhhhh!" I mean... some sounds are to be expected... but there is a limit ya know.

The women can do that and its total turn on... either from mine or the other woman (women)... but the dude... no...

Working on it.

Blythewood SC
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To fit what in?

Boston MA
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I've seen enough porn to know where I fit in. And I know I size up well.

if this is the case ..... and up well against a porn star ....... then I got to ask.... how may squirrels a day do you feed that thing?

Berrien Sprgs MI
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SCcouple, it sounds like you are worrying more about how you will do, than focusing on the woman you want to pleasure. Maybe easier said than done, but forget about yourself and focus on her. Most women enjoy foreplay, which doesn't require an instant hard on. Tune in on making her moan, and I'm guessing that will have the desired effect on you. Good luck.

BTW, she really is a cutie.

Belle Chasse LA
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Ok... I'll admit it... I have "stage fright" too. I think I know where mine comes from. Mainly... I have to say it is the presence of the other man/men.

If it were just me and my wife... or me and my wife with another woman, I know that would not be a problem (or have to assume the second woman anyway... that opportunity has not come up.) For an average guy... I've had a rather healthy list of ladies in the past (one on one), and rode everyone to the point of exhaustion. Its only where there is another guy in the room that there is a problem.

We only have a minor few experiences... not been doing this long. But I am self aware enough to reflect and know where the problem lays and I am working on it and feel I am getting better.

If this helps someone else to jump=start a self reflection and get over stage fright (which I still am working on)... then here goes.

The problem is deep seeded. When I was kid.... a little kid in grade school.... I was the only non-circomsized boy I knew of. And yes... I knew... in the boy's bathroom back then we had one of those "public" urinals that was pretty much a converted bath tub.

The other boys would ask why I was different... I didn't know why... parents never explained that to me. My brother was circomsized... I asked him and he just said "there are 2 kinds"..... and left it at that.

I honestly didn't know why until I was a teenager and then my mom told me that she heard my brother screaming like he was being murdered from down the hall way and decided then she wasn't going to do that to other boy.

....but for what it is worth, I had my son's pencil sharpened so he wold not go through some of what I did.... being "different".

So... I have an old deep seeded embarrassment issue that I know is stupid.... and am working on getting over.... but being a guy.... I not only have THAT... I also have the more common guy issue of worrying if I "size up" well to the other guy.

Ladies... you can say size isn't as important until you are blue in the face.... it doesn't help.

I've seen enough porn to know where I fit in. And I know I size up well. I can not for the life of me figure out why Ron Jeramey is in porn.... WTF??? I've seen enough porn to see guys in it smaller than me and larger... and seen enough guys changing at the club to compare notes. Some I'd see and not feel intimidated and see a few freakishly equipped guys that would make me feel like just packing our shit up and going home right now... but I know that I am comfortably in the middle somewhere.

But still.... there is that male ego crap I am dealing with. I know that I should not worry about it because worrying about it creates a performance problem.

What I am trying to do about this is... she and I will do the public sex thing at the club. Where it is just her and me... but where others can see. I try to block out other people around me and only focus on her.

The thing is... I know that I have nothing to be embarrassed about. I'm in good physical shape... not a gym rat but well off.... I'm decently equipped, nothing the other woman would probably be talking about the next day but also shouldn't be laughing about either.

I have no physical reason to have a performance anxiety just mental ones.... that is... what I know is a false sense of insecurity in myself.

Identifying the problem is half the battle.... now.... what to do about it.

Blythewood SC
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not embarrassing at all to admit. I have never had ED with my wife, but have discovered that there most definitely has to be a connection with the other woman. If I don't have a connection it is just not going to work. I have to swallow my pride and we tell the other couple (at club) that there is a good chance that it just is not going to work....... but usually if I am not into the girl, she is not into me either...... but everybody seems to be into my wife (male or female) so it all works out..... now if I am into the girl, and she is into me I know it right away and there is no problem..... I am still thinking that perfume and alcohol (I don't drink and I hate alcohol) are my issues....... I really can't get it up for drunk chicks .... kissing a drunk chick for me is worse than kissing one with denture breath.

Berrien Sprgs MI
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Thanks Mr. P. We're going to a Sexy Santa party this weekend. We'll try your method and see if it works!

Greensboro NC
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Ya know, I (Mr. P) went through this when I was starting too. Believe it or not, the little Blue Pill actually did help once I figured out the quirks that were me (I'm one of those that once I have the first bone of the night, the rest of the night I can rise and fall at will). Anyway, to the mental aspect. Everyone has a different reason for not being able to do it. For me, no amount of fantasizing helped (I mean, if the reality of a sexy woman wanting me to fuck her silly isn't gonna do it, surely FANTASIZING about ain't gonna do it!). What does help me occasionally is to have my wife start the engine for me. At a club, this might be disappearing into a private or semi-private room so that she can have a quick go. Keep at it.. You'll find what works!

Dallas TX
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Thanks for the advice... he'll try some of the things you all have mentioned.... no alcohol, think of his fantasy, and get really tuned in to the woman he's with. We'll see what happens!

Greensboro NC
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Welcome to the forum WHOLESOMEGOODNESS!

I did not know that about hops, thanks for the tip!

Youngstown OH
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TOPIC: SEXUAL PERFORMANCE ANXIETY