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Orgasm during play : Swingers Discussion 203884101
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TOPIC: Orgasm during play
Created by: MercyB
Original Starting post for this thread:
I (the guy) don't know if this is considered ED, but I'm wondering if this is a problem in the lifestyle. Simply put, I have a problem having an orgasm during play. I can get hard, fuck, and last, but I can't seem to have O during play. Of course, when the wife and I go, I can.

I'm fairly new to this, so is this a common occurrence in this lifestyle?

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If you like and trust your doctor you might want to go to him and talk to him about it. There may be a physical reason and it could be fixed. That being said most of the time, it is mental and if you relax and don't sweat it, it will work it's self out. Or you could be a diabetic (like me) with high blood pressure and some kidney problems... I never know what may happen, I might not be able to function without the "Little blue pill" or I may loose it for no reason or I can be like you and not be able to finish at all. When it happens for me (Not being able to finish) I just want to say "Line them up and let me go at them" LOL.

Emlenton PA
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If you don't have any problem having an orgasm with your wife, then I'd say you're holding back with your playmate. Perhaps performance anxiety, perhaps a bit of guilt, I don't know.

Since we started swinging a few months ago we've had four playmates, 3 guys and one couple. I didn't have any problem orgasming with my wife, but couldn't quite make it with my female partner. She was multi-orgasmic and had a good time, and I enjoyed her immensely, but couldn't come. Maybe it was the late hour, too much alcohol or forgetting to take my Cialis. In any event, if everything else is okay, look at the situation and ask yourself if you're really comfortable. It's been said before, but the brain is the biggest sex organ.

Cheers,

Carl

Anchorage AK
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Interesting question, I (male half of us) thought I was the only oddball with this problem. I've always had the same issue, even back in my early twenties. For me it's a newness factor...playing with someone new I almost never cum on the first two or three encounters. Something in my brain and body seems to hold that back when I'm first learning about a woman's body, mind, and responses...they're all so different!

Sometimes I was able to get around that by plugging into serious masturbation fantasies while fucking someone new, but it's an effort and it's distancing. It's way more fun to just be present with my partner and be ok with not cumming this go around. Like some other posters said it isn't the destination I'm concerned about when it comes to new partners.

Frazer PA
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" AkronFunTimes, Wear a condom and fake it."

I have done this before, works like a charm and no one was the wiser but me.. well and my Mrs when i told her.

" MercyB, Akron, women are much smarter than we think; especially women in this LS. They know what an orgasm looks like. I won't insult them like that."

I beg to differ. most women have no clue other than the signals that you give.. and if you can make it look like you are actually finnishing then the next time you do, you should take note at your actions so that you can reproduce them on cue.

Sebastian FL
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I think I may have found the issue and it may be linked to supplements.I was on supps for several weeks to see what did and didn't work. When I played on my control (no supplement) week, I came several times. I didn't think supplements affected ejaculation like that. It may need further testing...and playing.

Covina CA
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I wouldn't worry about it. Just enjoy the sex. If you come, great, if not, don't worry about it. It's all about the journey, not the destination. If you worry about it a lot, it could possibly lead to performance anxiety. And then it all becomes a chore instead of being fun, like sex is supposed to be.

That being said, there have been a few drugs that have been linked specifically to ejaculation issues. Propecia, for example. If you think this could be the case, please talk with your doctor.

Kingsport TN
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oh cool.. im not the only one..and ive done what acron said .. about with the condom..we have some regular play partners.. i can with her, but anyone else..its hard..:(

West Fargo ND
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BS--not rude, it's true. Worst experiences I've had are when the lady expects that you're going to deliver orgasms much like UPS delivers packages; reliably. My ability to give you pleasure has a lot to do with your ability to enjoy the journey, and to also be interested in what I'm doing and feeling and being interactive.

It's hard work when I'm expected to just fuck you. Fucking each other is infinitly more fun. :)

Dallas TX
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I know this my sound rude.but if you want (women) to have an orgasm you have to work at it too,not push every thing on me to make you have an orgasm.WE both have to do it together.the more active you are the more you will get off.it a two way street......BS

Kingston TN
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I have to add that we are "trained mentally" to avoid cumming quickly, because for the last 25 years or so every women's magazine and date movie has complained about men that cum too quickly. :-P

Premature ejaculation has been defined as poorly as "anything under a half hour" in some cases. Of course we as men think about that.

I don't know if this differs for women, but the act of having an orgasm for the male is taking time to focus *completely* on your own pleasure and letting go, even for that few seconds, regardless if the room is on fire.

Since men have been told over the same time period that we need to be attentive to the woman's needs, the pendulum has swung all the way to the other side, meaning some men are so focused on their partner that they have trouble claiming their own pleasure.

Cedar Rapids IA
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TOPIC: Orgasm during play