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My wife is falling away from swinging : Swingers Discussion 224237
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TOPIC: My wife is falling away from swinging
Created by: deeman36
Original Starting post for this thread:
I don't really know what to do, she's offered to let me find another "play partner," but that is so much harder than you might think. I've tried, even found two but neither worked out, they ultimately wanted me to leave my wife, and things just fizzled.

It's not just swinging, she's having hormone crashes and other issues, long story short, we have not had sex in over a year, it almost seems the whole concept turns her stomach.

We are best friends and love each other very much, we don't want to split. But going from 100mph in the LS, making dirty movies, picking up vanilla business men in hotel bars for threesomes in their rooms. It's pretty difficult to go from that, to a sexless marriage, and all the anxiety and wanting. And thinking maybe I can find some outlet and satisfaction somewhere in the lifestyle, where I can still be me. Sorry, this is a real downer of a topic.

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I'd really like to know how things are going too. Wish I had some constructive offering, but alas, I don't.

It's so difficult, just from a much less complex perspective, to be unable to physically please your mate. As a woman, there can be SO many reasons from mental to physical ( and seemingly physical, when hormones are to blame), and it's difficult to be in that position. The guilt that accompanies the inability (that sometimes comes across as unwillingness) is just one of the factors. Pain, especially in the lower abdominal region is basically a guarantee that sex will cease to exist. When I have severe menstrual cramps, sex is the VERY last thing on my mind. As was described, it may even seem to upset me at the thought, because it's THAT difficult to conceive. The last thing I ever want to do is make my man feel shame for wanting sex, or deny him that. Intimacy is not just sex, but sex is such a huge part of most romantic/intimate relationships, that if it disappears, it can leave the relationship feeling devoid. The thought of my relationship/marriage ending because of my physical inability to have sex makes me sad. I hope that there's been some direction and resolution here. What a sad scenario. It ultimately has nothing to do with "swinging", but it has to do with losing the fun spirit they shared. Hoping to hear back!

E


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I also hope things have improved!

And has been said, would strongly encourage your Mrs. to talk openly with an endocrinologist and/or gynecologist who specializes in hormone replacement therapies. Huge strides have been made in recent years and her difficulties are well known hormonal complications. Best wishes~

Genoa IL
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@ Deeman…it’s been a year since this thread was active. I came across it and my curiosity was sparked. Can you tell us how things are going for you two? I hope that there has been some improvement for you both. It just seemed as though you both were having to deal with a good deal of pain at the time.

Jeff


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I just want to say thank you, to ALL of the thoughtful and diverse replies here. One of you made the point, my post should have read "My wife is falling away from sex, period!"

I couldn't agree more, swinging is one of the last things on my list of priorities at this point. However, it's probably a silver lining that we come from the lifestyle, just to have open minds to sex outside our nuclear relationship in the short term.

I would like nothing more, than to have simple physical intimacy with my wife, and if band-aids like blowjobs and clitoral stimulation were an option, I'd be happy with that level of sex forever with her.

We will read some of the "Women's Posts" on SLS to pursue more advice on her real medical and psychological circumstances, and try to begin climbing up this hill together. It's been very inspiring to get so much feedback so quickly, from others in our age-group who have also experienced these issues. Vaginal atrophy? I'd NEVER heard of this condition, in fact her doctors have not offered ANY kind of actual cause/effect help or advice for us, even when we have asked them directly!

Thanks again everyone, sincerely!!

Menasha WI
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Sorry, had to add something. I've seen women in my hormone forums that are so deep into menopause that it appears they have given up. It's a struggle to lift their head off the pillow each morning. Yet, so many doctors prescribe anti-depressents which make things worse.

Feeling better during menopause is not as simple as taking a pill and feeling better. It may take months even a year to get doses right and start to come out of the brain fog and depression. It's very real and can be very, very debilitating.

Scottsdale AZ
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Most men who have prostate cancer and have it removed are unable to achieve erections. Even with nerve-sparing it can take up to 2 years, if ever. Some will be able to with pumps, injections or implants. But some can't afford it and even at that, sometimes they just don't work great.

Diabetes can also make a man impotent.

For better or worse, means that to me. I would never leave my husband because of that OR any other reason if he couldn't have sex. He didn't leave his wife for the 11 years before her death as she fought cancer.

Find out what is going on, physically or emotionally or mentally. Menopause is a combination of all three. There is hope and there ARE options to get back what surgical or natural menopause takes away.

But in my mind, forget swinging. Get yourselves healthy as a couple. Then see what happens.

Scottsdale AZ
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When we got married I remember our vows saying something about in sickness and health, for better or worse.....

Maybe this is the worse part they were referring to. Some people have suggested it might be time to move on because a good sex live is important. While I agree that it is what about supporting the person you vowed to love unconditionally for the rest of your life? I would be there, going to the doctor with her, offering do whatever I could to help but in the end I could never faton leaving her over something so petty. What if one of you couldn't have sex due to a accident or illness, would you still be saying leave that person, move on, life is to short to not be completely happy?

Odessa TX
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I, female, will share something: I had breast cancer back in 2007. I went through hell myself. I opted to not have a full mastectomy, but a lumpectomy. Now my left breast is not "prefect" and I am self conscious about it. I can relate to not feeling well and being in pain. Then right after that, I went through menopause! I didn't feel like having sex either; but did pleasure my late husband because it helped us stay closer and I know men have their "needs". I think there is a lot more going on with this cpl. He needs to go to doctor's appointments with her, and they both probably need counseling. There are also a lot of natural/herbal products to try.

Cocoa FL
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Let it to SAV to slam me again in the blogs - don't know if it's the female or male half. Don't care. SEX is a very important part of a relationship. It brings people closer to each other and expresses their love. I'm not saying ditch her for the pain. I'm saying try to get her to do something about it. If she has given up, then maybe it is time to walk. Life is way too short to be stuck with a miserable person, love or no love. This is the female half speaking here. How can you love someone who is miserable and just the thought of sex turns your stomach? If he goes ahead and plays by himself, that will make the hole in their relationship even larger. She will start to resent him and be jealous. If she is not willing to help herself, to help the marriage; then maybe she's not that in love with him anymore. Just sayin......

Cocoa FL
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Pain during sex can also be hormonal. If she has no ovaries, she is not producing any estrogen or testosterone. If she is also not on any BHRT or HRT she probably, has Vaginal atrophy, which is extremely painful and is caused primarily by lack of estrogen. However, testosterone and estrogen work best together. It doesn't sound like she is doing any hormones to me.

I also had a hysterectomy in 1987 and a bladder sling in 2007. I'm not having any problems with the sling. I lost my whole sex drive from no testosterone, but once on hormones, my life drastically changed for the better. I was dead sexually for 16 years and now have never felt more alive.

She should get her hormone levels checked and on some form of BHRT. I can pretty much promise things will change. If the pain is truly all from the sling, I'm not sure hormones will help with that, but it might.

Scottsdale AZ
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TOPIC: My wife is falling away from swinging