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Last piece of the puzzle : Swingers Discussion 190448101
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TOPIC: Last piece of the puzzle
Created by: bdh00037
Original Starting post for this thread:
In my first six months of swinging I've overcome a number of hurdles: general nervousness related over drinking, ED, compersion, FMF and MFM quirks, public nudity, fucking in front of spectators, fucking in cars, fucking on my back porch, fucking in my garage, what kind of crazy to put your dick in, the physical limitations of my dick, broken condoms, what a (good) vasectomy is like, and learning how to have a good time when the Mrs is getting some and I'm not.

One yet remains.

Cumming.

This elusive goal is quite evasive and is even starting to hide from me at home alone with the wife.

Whether its the distractions, the heat (I'm a sweater), dehydration ( got to have something to sweat), or condoms (desensitization or the failure of), something always seems to work its way in and spoil my ending.

I try and work in cool environments, I hydrate like mad hours beforehand, I have made strides in focusing on my partner or incorporating the distractions into play in a good way, and found some condoms, that when applied correctly and with sufficient lube do not fail, and provide good, if not excellent, sensation.

With all of that, I'm averaging 3 out of 4 with the wife and 1 out of 10 with the rest.

So I ask you, if you have had this problem, what was your solution?

-M

fun fact: the spell checker doesn't know the word compersion.

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BDH, we've run into this as well. Mr. doesn't always ejaculate inside me, and for him, it's usually a mental thing (as in yesterday, we were waiting for a friend to arrive...not a swing friend...and he kept thinking the door bell was going to ring at any moment0. We have been swinging since 2005, and I think he has only finished with one other woman in all that time. Here are some reasons:

Ordinarily, it does take him a while when he's with a woman, including me. We work around that, but sometimes it makes me feel "inadequate," in a way. What I then need from him is the reassurance that this has nothing to do with me, and more to do with him: how often we've had sex, if he's tired, if he has work stress, allergies, distractions, timing, if he's sore from golf or other acitivities...you get the picture. Any number of things can delay ejaculation. It has become a bit of a non issue.

But I, like many women, have seen this in the past as something I need to "achieve" for the guy I'm with, the ultimate pleasure, if you will. What I have to realize is that there are MANY ways to "finish." What I find fun is foreplay, penetration, and then if it's not going to happen, finish him off manually, or have him finish himself off while I watch and er, lend a hand or two.

What gets you off when you masturbate? Visual? Fantasy? a firmer pressure, etc.? That's what you can incorporate in your sexual adventures, if that's what you want to acheive. There should be no pressure, from yourself or another woman, to get to orgasm...yeah, okay, it's always a pleasing goal, but it doesn't HAVE to be the be all and end all.

Another reason: Sometimes with other partners, Dan will be thinking of ME and wondering if things are going well, if I am having fun, being pleased, etc. That's when we need to remember to get back together and have sex with each other. That usually is the "trick" to satisfaction.

Good luck, and relax. You are not alone, and it shouldn't be such a big deal.

Gina

San Antonio TX
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I have been preoccupied lately.

In relation to this thread, we are going to a house party hosted by one of my favorite playmates and she happens to be very focused on me finishing, to the point that she will not quit. Its a big part of her enjoyment of it all.

I do not want her to not like/eventually stop playing with me because of my issue, and there you have a large part of the genesis of this thread.

The irony is that my focus is on pleasing her, which for her means pleasing me, and that misalignment of focus is the root of the problem it seems. A catch 22.

Many years ago, Bri and I came to understand that we are each responsible for our own orgasms, and no matter how hard our partner may try, sometimes its just not going to happen.

Somewhere along the line, I forgot that simple fact, and I'm having a hell of a time trying to actualize it when we swing.

-M

Colleyville TX
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I didn't forget. I just don't have much to say at the moment.

-M

Colleyville TX
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Some women do get all bent out of shape on this matter. I rarely can cum with a condom on (although I can get very close), particularly if it's a new partner or it is a more "public" venue. The only times I am sure I could have cum with a condom on are with girls I had played several times with before and in private situations.

Generally, I need a bit of a shove over the edge..... either my own hands or (preferably) hers.

I don't worry about it really, because it means I can totally go to town on the girl without having to slow down because I don't want to finish before I'd like.

Chesapeake VA
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Getting an erection isn't the problem but I rarely cum with a new partner through intercourse. It usually requires oral and sometimes a little help from Rosy to finish the job.

As for advice, I have two trains of thought. One is be "in the moment". Sometimes we let distractions of what is going on around us (being watched, checking on your partner, was somebody laughing just now?) get in our heads. Secondly, do you have a "go-to" fantasy? That one picture in your head that gets you off every time? What I find is if I can't get my mojo working by focusing on who I am with, I check out into my favorite fantasy in order to finish.

Naturally I agree with Carrie to not worry about it and as long as the lady gets off, I am pretty happy but if you want to "finish" what you started, that is the best I've got for you.

Youngstown OH
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The only way is to get use to it. You don't have to wear one all the time. If you are going to cum, it will be with your wife or yourself. Once you get use to cumming with a condom, it won't be a problem anymore.

Carrie

Corpus Christi TX
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I'm not about to change my 3 of 4 at home to a 1 in 10 by playing safe at home. Thats no solution at all.

And if I didn't enjoy the ride already, I would have stopped "taking trips" months ago. It's not an obsession, this is me being goal oriented.

-M

Colleyville TX
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It happens sometimes, to all of us. I haven't been able to figure out any rhyme or reason. Ditto to what Carrie said: enjoy the ride and don't worry about it. The lady can always finish you off orally, manually, or mammarily after you've fucked her silly and don't need the helmet anymore.

Belle Chasse LA
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First, Quit obsessing over it. Second, start using a condom with your wife and yourself. That way you get use to cumming with a condom on. Last, remember to enjoy the ride and don't worry about the destination.

Carrie

Corpus Christi TX
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In my first six months of swinging I've overcome a number of hurdles: general nervousness related over drinking, ED, compersion, FMF and MFM quirks, public nudity, fucking in front of spectators, fucking in cars, fucking on my back porch, fucking in my garage, what kind of crazy to put your dick in, the physical limitations of my dick, broken condoms, what a (good) vasectomy is like, and learning how to have a good time when the Mrs is getting some and I'm not.

One yet remains.

Cumming.

This elusive goal is quite evasive and is even starting to hide from me at home alone with the wife.

Whether its the distractions, the heat (I'm a sweater), dehydration ( got to have something to sweat), or condoms (desensitization or the failure of), something always seems to work its way in and spoil my ending.

I try and work in cool environments, I hydrate like mad hours beforehand, I have made strides in focusing on my partner or incorporating the distractions into play in a good way, and found some condoms, that when applied correctly and with sufficient lube do not fail, and provide good, if not excellent, sensation.

With all of that, I'm averaging 3 out of 4 with the wife and 1 out of 10 with the rest.

So I ask you, if you have had this problem, what was your solution?

-M

fun fact: the spell checker doesn't know the word compersion.

Colleyville TX
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(1434 posts)
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TOPIC: Last piece of the puzzle