first off... you may find it hard to find someone to get into this lifestyle with you, its not impossible, but not likely you will do well here, as its not about cheating and most of us feel there is a HUGE difference in Cheating and this lifestyle. As in the partner knows ............ But I wish you luck in finding happiness and content. On another note, something to think about, - you say if you tell your wife it will end in the big Divorce, IF she finds out about this, its going to most likely have the same result. - your kids, they are smart, I come from a divorced family, and it is not easy with the transitions, but was better and gave me a happier life than the tension and fighting. - weigh your options carefully, they are LIFE CHANGING, and CAN NOT be undone. Good luck to you

If my Wife told me I "Have five minutes" that Bitch would be tossed off me and on the floor and I don't mean maybe!!!! However my Wife is NOT a Bitch and we have a great thing going. I feel for you but you do stick around and put up with it and I'm sure also add to it. It does take two to tango after all. When you point your finger you will have four pointing back!

My one kid has been seeing a therapist since they were in middle school.
They still go on occasion.
If it helps someone deal with life, who cares.
They are happy so am I.

"He wanted to blame everything on me. "

Sounds like a keen judge of character to me...;-)

I went to thearpy with my ex wife exactly twice.

I thought the thearpist was a crack pot. He wanted to blame everything on me.

Hell will freeze over and someone will need a note from god before i go see another crack pot.

Dixie,

I'm not arguing one way or the other. I agree that it is up to the person recieving the therapy, not the therapist. I'm a HUGE fan of it. I put alot of time into it when I went. Are there days that I feel like I should go back for a session or two? Yes, but I now have a wonderful partner that I can openly talk to, someone I didn't have at the time I was going. If I ever get to the point that I think I have to go back, then I won't hesitate.

It is also a matter of your relationship with your therapist.

If the first one doesn't work, try someone that uses a different theraputic approach.

ncwv and scotty, you get out of talk therapy pretty much the lesser of

1) what you put into it, and
2) what you expect to get out of it.

So, most folks won't get shit from it.

For me, I owe basically everything I have today--career, wife, self-respect--to 3 years of talk therapy 20 years ago. Plus a lot of work I did on my own, but I owe my therapist (well, I paid him pretty well, so I don't owe him much ;-) but I do owe him respect, and to defend his profession.

--dixie

Scotty, To each their own. I didn't believe in a lot of the hype of talk therapy 2 years ago. Without getting into a lot of the details, my counselor was faith based. That meant quite a lot to me. No, faith wasn't always included in the sessions and was never forced upon me. My faith is stronger now because of it though. Yes, in the beginning, there were several things that we did that made me think "WTF are we trying to do here?" But, as someone who used to not be able to communicate feelings very well at all (read: bottle it up and swallow it), I am a much, much stronger person now. As for the cost, there are many factors. My insurance covered it at the time for the most part (I think I paid about $20 a session). For me it was worth it. Hell, if I'd had to pay $300 a session, I'd still do it. Terp, With the exception of the kids, everything else you mentioned can be replaced. If they are real friends, they can still be friends with both of you. If they can't swallow it, well, I wouldn't consider them friends really. You find out who your real friends are in the trenches. As for the kids, they will be better off in the long run. MOST states are now 50/50 custody. IDK your entire situation, but if you fight for 50/50, your odds of getting that now are much better than 10 or 20 years ago. My ex and I do 1 week on-1 week off. There are multiple schedules out there and in hind site, I may have pushed for a different one. Good luck in your journey.

Honestly people do not want to end up in the middle of a battlefield. We know a lady who got a call from an extremely angry fiance. Women especially, we will go after the "other" woman oftentimes before going after our own husbands. And no one I know wants to end up in the middle of anything like that. I would suggest that you sit with your wife at some point and tell her just how dire the situation is, that you are at the point where you are contemplating divorce. If you are just going with the flow she very well may think you are happy, no news is often good news. So a nice conversation about the state of your marriage is in order. I am glad you have decided not to have an affair. Best of luck to you.