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Female here: First Time Disappointment-Is that normal Men's opinion is appreciated : Swingers Discussion 72430
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TOPIC: Female here: First Time Disappointment-Is that normal Men's opinion is appreciated
Created by: eroticfantasy
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NEVER NEVER NEVER take one for the team. It is hard to find couples where you are all happy. We have found that it is soooo much better when you are both into the other couple. I get so turned on seeing her with a guy that she is into, it makes it hard to hold back sometimes. She feels the same way. If she was doing a guy that she wasn't into, just so I could do his wife, it wouldn't turn me on. I would feel guilty (if I weren't a sociopath). The problem with never taking one for the team is that it cuts down on "quantity", but we decided when we first started, "quality" is more important.

Jermyn PA
 
 
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OH hell don't worry about it. There isnt' anyone in the lifestyle that doesn't have a bad experience one time or another. My first experience wasn't any good.... i got up and went downstairs to the bar and drank while they all finished up. the female half turned me into a pervert by the way.

There's good times and bad in the lifestyle just like anything else. swing on. have fun try again if you want.

Lake Worth FL
 
 
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From my male perspective, if I start action with a willing lady, I take personal responsibility for her enjoying the time. While almost every time this will include her "O", my mindset is to make the time pleasureable either way.

Because of obvious plumbing differences, her first and often is the prime directive. And never would anyone feel vacated or abandoned during the afterglow. Thats all a part of the total package.

My bottom line, you ran into a jerk. There are much better couples out there.

Phoenix AZ
 
 
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Actually that encounter was my first full and I was hoping the actual "full swap" would have lasted more than 5 minutes. The other couple was "experienced" swingers. I guess, after reading all the post and comments, hubby and the other lady were not attracted to each other. Hubby definitely took one for me so I can have my first experience. The other guy might have sensed it and cut it short. At least we have learned that we will never take one for the team. It's either attraction for both or nothing.

Freehold NJ
 
 
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There were so many good points made here, and I especially enjoyed and agreed with TT and Valovers as far as the things you learn with each experience. You will choose more wisely in terms of attraction and personality, with experience, and you will skip the ones you doubt would be a great match. (The "freelance" idea must make matching up easier, but I am not sure I will ever be ready. Instead, we just play less often.)

Once in play, we did have an abrupt request to switch back. They were only a soft swap couple and she was ready to move past foreplay, so we switched back. Some couples even have code words for this, or for when one gets uncomfortable and it's time to switch back or get out of there. We never have. I mean, you use the code word, it works and you run, but then what? Someone is surely left wondering what they did wrong. Maybe that is what happened that day to you, Eroticfantasy. Maybe they just weren't comfortable with swinging. -mj :)

Boulder City NV
 
 
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I mentor a lot of new people in the Lifestyle, and have some basic rules that I stress. One of these is to "avoid bad experiences". I understand that this may be easier said than done.

To minimize bad experiences, be patient and get to know prospective swing friends. Try to meet them through referral and association, rather than online sites. If you are new, look for more experienced people who have good reputations. If something is a good idea today, it will be a good idea tomorrow.

Reputation in the Lifestyle is much like reputation in other settings-people talk about bad experience more than they talk about good experience. So, if you have heard anything negative about a prospect, avoid them; if you have heard nothing about a prospect, they may be OK; if you have heard good things about a prospect, you probably want to play with them.

Memphis TN
 
 
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Thanks for all your replies. In hind sight, I guess this couple was more interested in themselves than us. They did start with us but seem more interested in getting back to each other than sharing the experienced with us. Being our first time, it's reassuring to hear that most of you have had great experiences. I guess it just takes experience to be able to spot the inconsiderate people.

Freehold NJ
 
 
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It is difficult to find a couple where all are comfortable. That is why I beleive that mfm threesomes are the way to go. I thought that way when I was swinging as a couple and more so now that I usually swing as a single. My swing partner and I met with a lot of couples, seldom was there a good four way match. Lots of times it was clear that the guy drug his unwilling wife along just so he could enjoy a different woman.

Grand Junction CO
 
 
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It sounds like anticipation was greater then reality.This happens to quite a few who will only look for one type of personality . You will find there are quite a few who do not make the grade due to what is anticipated expected etc.This covers both male and female. You really have to come with an open mind, willing to experiment, able to adapt to different situations in a flash to have a really great time every time you get to play out the fantasy.Be able to smile,change the situation to where both of you that are involved have a good time.If in bed,move to a different location such as the counter couch floor etc. Somewhere you have fantasy to play on.Soon bothparters wil be having an enjoyabe time. Be creative,stay away from the mechanical on the bed sex. Try to be different,creative ,daring,fun .Most of the time it only takes one to make it all of those. I don't buy that some men will hold off on cumming. I will buy that some take whatever not to cum or have had sex prior to meeting another couple not to cum so quickly. Do not put to uch thought into the couple who stopped ,got dressed and left . No doubt he was not creative in his apporach,what to do or desire. He wanted you to do everything to and for him.Those types are always a disappointment.they also come in womens styles.

Sarasota FL
 
 
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Good point, Phil. If we liked a couple enough to play with them even once, we always gave them a "3 strikes and you're out" rule. If after 3 times it isn't working, it's time to move on to other playmates.

Jim

South Riding VA
 
 
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TOPIC: Female here: First Time Disappointment-Is that normal Men's opinion is appreciated