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ADD (a dead dick) : Swingers Discussion 190553
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TOPIC: ADD (a dead dick)
Created by: ANA2
Original Starting post for this thread:
My husband calls it add. we are newbies in LS. But have been having a blast! He however is experiencing issues. We have read a lot of forums on here concerning this and know that its mental. My question is for the guys it a confidence thing do you think it would help him for me to allow him a hall pass and to try with another woman with out me around that I know he thinks is hot ? Do you think this would help or hinder he has been over thinking things and it is really getting him down. He has no issues with me most of the time only the first time we soft swapped he had a few issues staying hard. But we have great sex and I want LS to be great for us both.

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It's a matter of focus and personal anatomy. Like others, when it's the two of us all focus is on each other. In our encounters on one partner stayed rock hard at all time and he was 69 years old. Condoms, distraction of additional people creates ebb and flow. As long as the wife doesn't have to blow up party balloons all night instead of being the party, its all good.

Coeur D Alene ID
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I never have that problem with the wife but when we get together with othere i sometimes do. we figure its mostly performance anxiety. that and those damned condoms.

Pittsburgh PA
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One more thing to add - another thing that really helps a guy is that your permission (as the F partner) be spoken out loud and more than once.

Don't take this the wrong way, but guys are used to hearing things come out of a woman that aren't always what they mean.

"How are you, baby?"

"Fine." (sullen look)

"Fine? You don't look fine - anything wrong?"

(sighs) "Nothinggg..."

So make it clear to the guy it is OK to focus solely on the other girl for a short time and that it doesn't mean he doesn't love you, and it will help. If he knows you trust him it can make all the difference in the world.

As for the separate room thing in the OP, it can help too though we have never tried it. When she is getting fucked, I want to watch! So sometimes it is difficult to focus on my own pleasure. We don't want to be in separate rooms, but it is hard to ignore moans of pleasure coming from the woman you love. :)

Cedar Rapids IA
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In our case it wasn't alcohol since we don't drink. One time it was getting overheated in the hot tub - heat kills me no matter how horny I am.

I don't think it is lack of attraction since I wouldn't get to the naked part with a woman I didn't find appealing. It was just nerves. Funny thing is the nerves didn't affect me the first few times we hooked up - it was the couple times after that. That probably means I was overthinking things way too much.

Naw, guys never do that. ;)

Cedar Rapids IA
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@Seduction - Yup. Exactly. As totally sad as it sounds...we're *really* limited here. LOL

Yes, we get visitors, but amazingly....the majority of them just want a couple to show them around, hang out and be their personal tour guides. Unfortunately, we don't have time for that.

Lahaina HI
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Another contributing issue has been the late nights. We have a family, so we're usually early birds. These late night encounters are tough. LOL

Lahaina HI
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And probably the biggest issue so far....hubby not being super turned-on by the women we meet. *

Why would he go to bed with women that don't turn him on enough to make him want to fuck her?

Rumson NJ
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I think 'liquor dick' is a common cause.

Cleveland OH
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Here's our solution.

I had this problem a couple times. There was/is nothing physically wrong with me because everything functions normally darn near 100% of the time when we are alone and the blue pill did nothing for me to counteract nerves. I was just self conscious. I was worried about comparing to other guys. Didn't matter how much I wanted someone or were turned on by them.

My gf took matters into her own mouth and made the effort/focused her attention on me to get me ready for the other girl and told me how much she wanted to see me fuck the other girl and it worked like a charm.

Get your partner involved - the pill does nothing for nerves and a good partner can make it so you don't need the pill.

Men who haven't experienced ED in the LS or otherwise are either lying, or on their way to having their first experience. Don't sweat it.

And for the ladies, don't take offense if the guy doesn't respond. These things really do have a mind of their own. If the guy is stressed, it is a killer and sometimes you simply can't explain why things happen the way they do.

Cedar Rapids IA
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We've been experienced a bit of this, too. We're new to the LS, so we realize it's probably a combination of a bunch of things: getting used to condoms after 18 years, bit of stage fright, air-conditioned hotel rooms. And probably the biggest issue so far....hubby not being super turned-on by the women we meet.

He's played seperately before and had hours of non-stop fun, so we know it's not a physical thing, but more mental.

So, we're working on what we can....the main thing being *trying* to find couples with hotter women! :) Not easy on a tiny island!! LOL

Lahaina HI
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TOPIC: ADD (a dead dick)