What's the difference between a Harley and a Vacuum cleaner. Its the location of the Dirt Bag.

A private jet arrives at Heathrow international airport and Donald Trump strides to a waiting limousine which drives him to a warm and dignified reception from the Queen. From there, they are driven in a 1934 Bentley to the edge of central London where they change to a magnificent 17th century carriage hitched to six white horses.

They continue on towards Buckingham Palace waving to the thousands of cheering Britons; all is going well. Suddenly, the right rear horse lets fly with the most horrendous earth-shattering fart ever heard in the British Empire. The fart shakes the coach. The smell is atrocious! Both passengers in the carriage must use perfume-dipped handkerchiefs over their nose, but the two do their best to ignore the incident.

The Queen turns to Trump saying, "Mr. Trump, please accept my regrets. I am sure you understand there are some things that even a Queen cannot control." Trump, with his usual diplomatic aplomb, replied, "Your Majesty, do not give the matter another thought. Until you mentioned it, I thought it was one of the horses.

Not a "joke", but an oft-told story about Calvin Coolidge, who was notoriously laconic. Also, he didn't talk much. :)

Anyway, Coolidge was hosting a party at the White House when one of the lady guests (one version of the tale says it was Dorothy Parker) walked up and in a challenging tone said "I have a bet with a friend here. She says that I can't get you to say more than two words to me."

"Silent Cal" replied, "you lose".

That's all I got.....

A male student asked his English professor, "What is the definition of a dilemma?"

The professor said, "Well, there's nothing better than an example to illustrate that."

"Imagine that you are lying in a big bed flat on your back with a beautiful naked young woman on one side and a gay man on the other."

"Which one are you going to turn your back on?"

What did the Unabomber and a 16 year old girl from rural Indiana have in common. ... The were both fingered by their brother.

Indecent: When its in tight and in deep...Its in decent.

two sharks came up on a guy swimming today. The younger shark asked the older shark what do we do? The older shark said, half fin out of the water, and we will circle this jerk 3 times. the sharks did that, the younger shark asked now what? The older shark said full fin out of water, and 3 more laps around this clown. The younger shark asked why they were doing all this? older shark said, because hes going to taste so much better if we scare the shit out of him.

I have always questioned if Jessie Jackson and Al Sharpton were really preachers since they have no church. When I heard Al Sharpton was guest preacher at a black Houston Church, I decided to check him out in person and see what it was all about......... I sat down and Sharpton came up to me, I don't know why, maybe it was because I was the only white person in the Church. He laid his hands on my hand and said: "By the will of Jesus the Lord All Mighty, and the will of God", "you will walk today." I told him I was not paralyzed. He came back and laid his hands on me again, and repeated the same thing. Again I told him there is nothing wrong with me. After the sermon I stepped outside and lo and behold, my car had been stolen!

Now this is just a joke so all you lawyers don't get a red ass over it. My favorite nephew is a lawyer

Do you know what a crying shame is? A bus load of lawyers going over a bluff with the back seat empty Charlie