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TOPIC: Jokes and Funnies feel free to add your own
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A Welsh farmer walking through his field, notices a man drinking out of a pond.

The Welsh farmer shouted: 'Paid a yfed a dwr, maer gwerthin wedi Cachu un a for.'

Which means: 'Don't drink the water the cows have shit in it.'

The man shouts back: 'I'm a Muslim, I don't understand. Please speak in English.

The Welsh farmer says: 'Use two hands, it holds more'!!!

Destin FL
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JOIN A BIKER CLUB

A little 80 year old lady had always wanted to join a local bikers club.

One day she goes up and knocks on a biker's door. A big, hairy,bearded biker with tattoos all over his arms answers.

She proclaims,"I want to join your club."

The guy was quite amused, but says she needs to meet certain biker requirements in order to join he explains.

The biker asks; "Do you have a motorcycle?

The little old lady replies, "Yep, my bike's parked over there," and points to a flamed black Harley chopper in the driveway.

The biker asks, "Do you drink?" The little old lady replies, "Yep, I drink like a fish. I'll drink everyone in your club under the table." The biker asks, "Do you smoke?" The little old lady replies, "Yep, smoke like a chimney. At least 2 packs of cigarettes and three joints a day and a couple more in the evening, while I'm shooting pool." The biker is very impressed and asks, "Last question - have you ever been picked up by the fuzz?"

The little old lady thinks for a minute and says, "Nope, but I've been swung around by my nipples a few times."

Destin FL
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LOL just too funny!

Destin FL
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HOW TO SAVE THE AIRLINES Dump the male flight attendants. No one wanted them in the first place. Replace all the female flight attendants with good-looking strippers! What the hell -- They don't even serve food anymore, so what's the loss? The strippers would at least triple the alcohol sales and get a "party atmosphere" going in the cabin. And, of course, every businessman in this country would start flying again, hoping to see naked women. Because of the tips, female flight attendants wouldn't need a salary, thus saving even more money. I suspect tips would be so good that we could charge the women for working the plane and have them kick back 20% of the tips, including lap dances and "special services." Muslims would be afraid to get on the planes for fear of seeing naked women. Hijackings would come to a screeching halt, and the airline industry would see record revenues. This is definitely a win-win situation if we handle it right -- a golden opportunity to turn a liability into an asset. Why didn't Bush think of this? Why do I still have to do everything myself? Sincerely, Bill Clinton

..............an e-mail from dad..................

Brunswick GA
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Rubbing Her The Right Way A few months after his parents were divorced, Little Johnny passed by his mom's bedroom and saw her rubbing her body and moaning, "I need a man, I need a man!" Over the next couple of months, he saw her doing this several times.

One day, he came home from school and heard her moaning. When he peeked into her bedroom, he saw a man on top of her.

Little Johnny ran into his room, took off his clothes, threw himself on his bed, started stroking himself, and moaning, "Ohh, I need a bike! I need a bike!"

Destin FL
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Fifty-Dollar Bet This guy who works at a pickle factory comes home and hands his wife 50 dollars. She asked him what it was from and he told her that he won it in a bet -- the guys at the factory bet him 50 dollars that he wouldn't stick his dick in the pickle slicer. The wife was surprised and said she wanted to make sure he was still intact. He pulled down his pants and, indeed, it was all there, unharmed. “But what about the pickle slicer,” asked the wife, perplexed. “Oh, she liked it too,” answered the husband.

Destin FL
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At the Old Folks Home One day in a retirement home, an old lady and an old man were sitting at the coffee table talking. Out of the blue, the woman stated, ‘I bet I can guess your age.”

The old man replied, “ I really don’t think so! But go ahead, give it your best shot.”

So the woman responded, “OK, take off your pants... Your underpants too... Now turn completely around slowly...”

She checked him carefully back and front and continued, “OK. Now put your pants back on. Based on everything I saw, you're exactly 84 years old.”

The old man, shocked, asked, “How did you know?”

The old lady replied, “You told me yesterday.”

Destin FL
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Mother on Bus A woman got on a bus holding a baby. The bus driver said, “That has to be the ugliest baby I've ever seen.”

Angrily, the woman slammed her fare into the fare box and took an aisle seat near the rear of the bus. The man seated next to her sensed that she was agitated and asked her what was wrong.

“That bus driver insulted me.” she fumed.

The man sympathized and said: “Why, he's a public servant and shouldn't insult the passengers.”

“You are so right!” She said. “'I think I'll go back up there and give him a piece of my mind.”

“That's an excellent idea,” the man replied. “Here, while you go up, let me hold your monkey.”

Destin FL
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Three men were standing at the Pearly Gates of Heaven where Saint Peter met them and asked, "What would each of you like to hear your relatives or friends say at your funeral?"

The first man answered, "I am a renowned doctor and I would love to hear someone talk about how I had been instrumental in saving someone's life and giving them a second chance at life."

The second man replied, "I am a family man and a school teacher, I would like to hear someone say what a great husband and father I was and that I had been made a difference in some young person’s life."

The third man replied, "Wow guys, those are really great things but I guess if I had my choice on what to hear at my funeral, I would much rather hear someone say, "Look! He’s moving!

Destin FL
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The Ship's Magician So there's this magician working on a small cruise ship. He's been doing his routines every night for a year or two now. The audiences appreciate him, and they change over often enough that he doesn't have to worry too much about new tricks. However, there's this parrot who sits in the back row and watches him night after night, year after year. Finally, the parrot figures out how the tricks work and starts giving it away for the audience. For example, when the magician makes a bouquet of flowers disappear, the parrot squawks "Behind his back! Behind his back!" Well, the magician get really annoyed at this, but he doesn't know what to do. The parrot belongs to the Captain, so he can't just kill it.

One day, the ship springs a leak and sinks. The magician manages to swim to a plank of wood floating by and grabs on. The parrot is sitting on the other end of the plank. The just stare at each other and drift. They drift for 3 days and still don't speak. On the morning of the fourth day, the parrot looks over at the magician and says: "OK, I give up. Where did you hide the ship?"

Destin FL
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TOPIC: Jokes and Funnies feel free to add your own