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TOPIC: Jokes and Funnies feel free to add your own
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Destin,

thanks for the laughs! that was great!!

signed, person guilty of holding mouse while reading e-mails!!

East Ridge TN
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I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one about poop in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel with every envelope that needs sealing.

Also, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.

I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.

I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.

I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.

I no longer use cancer-! causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day

Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.

I no longer can buy gasoline without taking someone along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm pumping gas.

I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans .

I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.

And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face...disfiguring me for life.

I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a ! needle infected with AIDS.

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.

I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our American troops or the Salvation Army. I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica , Uganda ,Singapore , and Uzbekistan I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe.

Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my butt.

And thanks to your great advice, I can't ever pick up $5.00 I dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting u nderneath my car to grab my leg.

I can no longer drive my car because I can't buy gas from certain gas companies!

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 PM this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician. Have a wonderful day....

Oh, by the way..... A South American scientist from Argentina , after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain activity read their e-mail with their hand on the mouse.

Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.

Destin FL
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this old cajun when hunting,never carried a gun with him , came home with all kinds of squirrls on his belt curious nabors wanted to know how he manage this without a gun.the cajun replied I ugly them down.ugly them down replied the village people.yes says the cajun I look up in the trees the squirrls look down and see how ugly I look and drop down with a heart attact then I pick them up put them on my belt the villangers asked him why don't you take you wife for she is three time uglyer than you.no said the cajun she bust 'em up to bad

Oil City LA
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A Welsh farmer walking through his field, notices a man drinking out of a pond.

The Welsh farmer shouted: 'Paid a yfed a dwr, maer gwerthin wedi Cachu un a for.'

Which means: 'Don't drink the water the cows have shit in it.'

The man shouts back: 'I'm a Muslim, I don't understand. Please speak in English.

The Welsh farmer says: 'Use two hands, it holds more'!!!

Destin FL
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JOIN A BIKER CLUB

A little 80 year old lady had always wanted to join a local bikers club.

One day she goes up and knocks on a biker's door. A big, hairy,bearded biker with tattoos all over his arms answers.

She proclaims,"I want to join your club."

The guy was quite amused, but says she needs to meet certain biker requirements in order to join he explains.

The biker asks; "Do you have a motorcycle?

The little old lady replies, "Yep, my bike's parked over there," and points to a flamed black Harley chopper in the driveway.

The biker asks, "Do you drink?" The little old lady replies, "Yep, I drink like a fish. I'll drink everyone in your club under the table." The biker asks, "Do you smoke?" The little old lady replies, "Yep, smoke like a chimney. At least 2 packs of cigarettes and three joints a day and a couple more in the evening, while I'm shooting pool." The biker is very impressed and asks, "Last question - have you ever been picked up by the fuzz?"

The little old lady thinks for a minute and says, "Nope, but I've been swung around by my nipples a few times."

Destin FL
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LOL just too funny!

Destin FL
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HOW TO SAVE THE AIRLINES Dump the male flight attendants. No one wanted them in the first place. Replace all the female flight attendants with good-looking strippers! What the hell -- They don't even serve food anymore, so what's the loss? The strippers would at least triple the alcohol sales and get a "party atmosphere" going in the cabin. And, of course, every businessman in this country would start flying again, hoping to see naked women. Because of the tips, female flight attendants wouldn't need a salary, thus saving even more money. I suspect tips would be so good that we could charge the women for working the plane and have them kick back 20% of the tips, including lap dances and "special services." Muslims would be afraid to get on the planes for fear of seeing naked women. Hijackings would come to a screeching halt, and the airline industry would see record revenues. This is definitely a win-win situation if we handle it right -- a golden opportunity to turn a liability into an asset. Why didn't Bush think of this? Why do I still have to do everything myself? Sincerely, Bill Clinton

..............an e-mail from dad..................

Brunswick GA
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Rubbing Her The Right Way A few months after his parents were divorced, Little Johnny passed by his mom's bedroom and saw her rubbing her body and moaning, "I need a man, I need a man!" Over the next couple of months, he saw her doing this several times.

One day, he came home from school and heard her moaning. When he peeked into her bedroom, he saw a man on top of her.

Little Johnny ran into his room, took off his clothes, threw himself on his bed, started stroking himself, and moaning, "Ohh, I need a bike! I need a bike!"

Destin FL
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Fifty-Dollar Bet This guy who works at a pickle factory comes home and hands his wife 50 dollars. She asked him what it was from and he told her that he won it in a bet -- the guys at the factory bet him 50 dollars that he wouldn't stick his dick in the pickle slicer. The wife was surprised and said she wanted to make sure he was still intact. He pulled down his pants and, indeed, it was all there, unharmed. “But what about the pickle slicer,” asked the wife, perplexed. “Oh, she liked it too,” answered the husband.

Destin FL
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At the Old Folks Home One day in a retirement home, an old lady and an old man were sitting at the coffee table talking. Out of the blue, the woman stated, ‘I bet I can guess your age.”

The old man replied, “ I really don’t think so! But go ahead, give it your best shot.”

So the woman responded, “OK, take off your pants... Your underpants too... Now turn completely around slowly...”

She checked him carefully back and front and continued, “OK. Now put your pants back on. Based on everything I saw, you're exactly 84 years old.”

The old man, shocked, asked, “How did you know?”

The old lady replied, “You told me yesterday.”

Destin FL
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TOPIC: Jokes and Funnies feel free to add your own