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TOPIC: Jokes and Funnies feel free to add your own
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winter blonde

As a trucker stops for a red light, a blonde catches up. She jumps out of her car, runs up to his truck, and knocks on the door. The trucker lowers the window, and she says "Hi, my name is Heather and you are losing some of your load."

The trucker ignores her and proceeds down the street.

When the truck stops for another red light, the girl catches up again. She jumps out of her car, runs up and knocks on the door. Again, the trucker lowers the window. As if they've never spoken, the blonde says brightly, "Hi my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!"

Shaking his head, the trucker ignores her again and continues down the street.

At the third red light, the same thing happens again.

All out of breath, the blonde gets out of her car, runs up, knocks on the truck door. The trucker rolls down the window. Again she says "Hi, my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!"

When the light turn s green the trucker revs up and races to the next light.

When he stops this time, he hurriedly gets out of the truck, and runs back to the blonde.

He knocks on her window, and after she lowers it, he says...

"Hi, my name is Kevin, it's winter in Michigan and I'm driving the SALT TRUCK!"

Destin FL
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My ex-wife started taking flying lessons about the time our divorce started and she got her license shortly before our divorce was final, later that same year.

Yesterday afternoon, she narrowly escaped injury in the aircraft she was piloting when she was forced to make an emergency landing in Southern Tennessee because of bad weather. Thank God our kids were with me at the Beach House this weekend.

The NTSB issued a preliminary report, citing pilot error: Judy was flying a single engine aircraft in IFR (instrument flight rating) conditions while only having obtained a VFR (visual flight rating) rating.

The absence of a post-crash fire was likely due to insufficient fuel on board. No one on the ground was injured.

Photographs below were taken at the scene show the extent of damage to her aircraft.

She was very lucky.

Picture was a broom leaning against a fence...lol

Destin FL
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It was the mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighbourhood. When he arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole family there, who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a big gift envelope. At the second house they presented him with a box of fine cigars. The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures. At the fourth house he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful woman in a revealing negligee. She took him by the hand, gently led him through the door, and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced. When he had had enough they went downstairs, where she fixed him a giant breakfast: eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and fresh-squeezed orange juice. When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee. As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge. "All this was just too wonderful for words," he said, "but what's the dollar for?" "Well," she said, "last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give you." He said, "Fuck him, give him a dollar." The lady then said, "The breakfast was my idea."

Destin FL
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Steve is shopping for a new motorcycle. He finally finds one for a great price, but it's missing a seal, so whenever it rains he has to smear vaseline over the spot where the seal should be. Anyway, his girlfriend is having him over for dinner to meet her parents. He drives his new bike to her house, where she is outside waiting for him. "No matter what happens at dinner tonight, don't say a word." She tells him, "Our family had a fight a while ago about doing dishes. We haven't done any since, but the first person to speak at dinner has to do them." Steve sits down for dinner and it is just how she described it. Dishes are piled up to the ceiling in the kitchen, and nobody is saying a word. So Steve decides to have a little fun. He grabs his girlfriend, throws her on the table and has sex with her in front of her parents. His girlfriend is a little flustered, her dad is obviously livid, and her mom horrified when he sits back down, but no one says a word. A few minutes later he grabs her mom, throws her on the table and does a repeat performance. Now his girlfriend is furious, her dad is boiling, and her mother is a little happier. But still there is complete silence at the table. All of a sudden there is a loud clap of thunder, and it starts to rain. Steve remembers his motorcycle. He jumps up and grabs his jar of vaseline. Upon witnessing this, his girlfriend's father backs away from the table and screams, "OKAY, ENOUGH ALREADY, I'LL DO THE FUCKING DISHES"

Destin FL
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There was a guy riding through the desert on his camel. He had been travelling so long that he felt the need to have sex. Obviously there were no women in the desert so the man turned to his camel. He tried to position himself to have sex with his camel but the camel ran away. The man ran to catch up to the camel and got back on and started to ride again. Soon he was feeling the urge to have sex again so once again he turned to his camel. The camel refused by running away. So he caught up to it again and go on it again. Finally after riding the camel through the whole desert the man came to a road. There was a broken down car with three big chested beautiful blondes sitting in it. He went up to them and asked the women if they needed any help. The hottest girl said ,"If you fix our car we will do anything you want." The man luckily knew a thing or two about cars and fixed it in a flash. When he finished are three girls asked, "How could we ever repay you Mr." After thinking for a short while he replied,"Could you hold my camel?"

Destin FL
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even more, oh stop me please:

Q. What do you call it when someone farts in a gay bar? A. A love call.

Q. How do you give a blind queer a thrill? A. Leave the plunger in the toilet.

Q. How do lesbians handle their liquor? A. By the ears. (Lick her)

Q. What do tight pants and a cheap motel have in common? A. No ball room

Q. What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover? A. The position of the dirt bag.

Q. What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over? A. Doughnuts.

Q. What do you get when you put 50 lesbians and 50 politicians in a room together? A. 100 people who don't do dick.

Q. What do attorneys use for birth control? A. Their personalities.

Q. What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife? A. 45 lbs.

Q. Why does a dog lick its penis? A. Because it can't make a fist.

Q. What do you call two lesbians with their period? A. Finger painting.

Q. How do you teach a blond math? A. Subtract her clothes, divide her legs, and square root her.

Q. What did the pedophile say when he got out of jail? A. I feel like a kid again!

Q. What's the last thing Tickle Me Elmo receives before he leaves the factory? A. Two test tickles

Q. Why did God create alcohol? A. So ugly people would have a chance to have sex.

Q. What is it when a man talks dirty to a woman? A. Sexual harassment.

Q. What is it when a woman talks dirty to a man? A. $3.99 a minute.

Q. What's the speed limit of sex? A. 68 because at 69 you have to turn around.

Destin FL
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more crude sex jokes:

Q. What do you call kids born in whorehouses? A. Brothel sprouts.

Q. What's the difference between a 40 year-old man, and a 40 year-old woman? A. A 40 year-old woman dreams of having children, a 40 year-old man dreams of dating them.

Q. What's white, smells, and can be found in panties? A. Clitty litter

Q. I married Miss Right. A. I just didn't know her first name was "Always."

Q. Why is psychoanalysis quicker for men than for women? A. When it's time to go back to his childhood, he's already there.

Q. How do you know when your cat's done cleaning himself? A. He's smoking a cigarette.

Q. Did you hear about the constipated mathematician? A. He worked it out with a pencil.

Q. Who's the world's greatest athlete? A. The guy who finishes first and third in a masturbation contest.

Q. Why do men pay more for car insurance? A. Women don't get blow jobs while they're driving

Q. Why do schools in West Virginia only have Drivers Ed two days a week? A. Because they need their cars for Sex Ed the other three days a week!

Q. Three words to ruin a man's ego... A. "Is it in?"

Q. What is the cheapest meat? A. Deer balls, there under a buck.

Q. How does a guy know if he has a high sperm count? A. If the girl has to chew, before she swallows.

Q. What's in the toilet of the star ship enterprise? A. The captains log.

Q. What do you call a woman with her tongue sticking out? A. A lesbian with a hard-on.

Q. What do you get when you cross Raggedy Ann and the Pillsbury Dough Boy? A. A red headed bitch with a yeast infection.

Q. Did you hear they came out with a new lesbian shoe? A. They're called Dikes. They have an extra long tongue and only take one finger to get off!

Q. What's the difference between tampons and cowboy hats? A. Cowboy hats are for ass holes.

Destin FL
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crude sex jokes:

Q. What do a Rubix cube and a penis have in common? A. The longer you play with them, the harder they get.

Q. What does an old woman have between her breasts that a young woman doesn't? A. A navel.

Q. What is the difference between a woman and a washing machine? A. You can bung your load in a washing machine and it won't call you a week later.

Q. Why did god create Adam before he created eve? A. Because he didn't want anyone telling him how to make Adam.

Q. What is a lesbian's favorite thing to eat? A. A Klondike Bar

Q. What did the elephant say to the naked man? A. "How do you breath through something so small?"

Q. Why don't women wear watches? A. There's a clock on the stove!

Q. What doesn't belong in this list : Meat, Eggs, Wife, Blowjob? A. Blowjob: You can beat your meat, eggs or wife, but you can't beat a blowjob.

Q. Have you heard about the new super-sensitive condoms? A. They hang around after the man leaves and talks to the woman.

Q. What's worse than getting raped by Jack the Ripper? A. Getting fingered by Captain Hook.

Q. What do a walrus and Tupperware have in common? A. They both like a tight seal.

Q. What's the difference between a wife and a wheelie bin? A. You only have to take out a wheelie bin once a week.

Q. What did the two lesbian frogs say to each other? A. WE DO TASTE LIKE CHICKEN!

Q. What did the banana say to the vibrator? A. Why are you shaking she's going to eat me.

Q. What would happen if the Pilgrims had killed cats instead of turkeys? A. We'd eat pussy every Thanksgiving.

Q. What's the difference between love and herpes? A. Love doesn't last forever.

Q. How do you make your girlfriend scream while having sex? A. Call her and tell her.

Q. A man noticed that his credit card had been stolen but didn't report it. A. The thief was spending less then his wife.

Q. Why do women have small feet? A. So they can stand closer to the kitchen sink.

Q. Why do men die before their wives? A. They want to.

Q. How do men sort out their laundry? A. Filthy, and filthy but wearable.

Q. What's the difference between a man and ET? A. ET phoned home.

Q. Why haven't they sent a woman to the moon yet? A. It doesn't need cleaning.

Q. Why is a pap smear called a pap smear? A. Because women wouldn't do them if they were called cunt scrapes.

Q. What's the difference between your paycheck and your cock? A. You don't have to beg your wife to blow your paycheck!

Destin FL
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Thank you, thank you...now off to a poker tourney!

Destin FL
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Doctor Dave had slept with one of his patients and felt guilty all day long. No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he just couldn't. The guilt and sense of betrayal was overwhelming. But every once in a while he'd hear an internal, reassuring voice in his head that said:

"Dave, don't worry about it. You aren't the first medical practitioner to sleep with one of their patients, and you won't be the last. And you're single. Just let it go, Dave."

But invariably another voice in his head would bring him back to reality, whispering:

"Dave..... Dave..... Dave, you sick bastard You're a vet."

Destin FL
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TOPIC: Jokes and Funnies feel free to add your own