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Nymphomaniac Convention] >> >> Nymphomaniacs Convention >> A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. >> >> As he settled in, he glanced up and saw >> the most beautiful woman boarding the plane. >> >> He soon realized she was heading straight >> towards his seat. As fate would have it, she took >> the seat right beside his. >> >> Eager to strike up a conversation he >> blurted out, 'Business trip or pleasure?' >> >> She turned, smiled and said, 'Business. >> I'm going to the Annual Nymphomaniacs of America >> Convention in Boston.' >> >> He swallowed hard. Here was the most >> gorgeous woman he had ever seen sitting next to him, >> and she was going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs. >> >> Struggling to maintain his composure, he >> calmly asked, 'What's your business role at this >> convention?' >> >> 'Lecturer,' she responded. 'I use >> information that I have learned from my personal >> experiences to debunk some of the popular myths >> about sexuality.' >> >> 'Really?' he said. 'And what kind of >> myths are there?' >> >> >> 'Well,' she explained, 'one popular myth >> is that African-American men are the most >> well-endowed of all men, when in fact it is the >> Native American Indian who is most likely to possess >> that trait. >> >> Another popular myth is that Frenchmen >> are the best lovers when actually it is men of >> Jewish descent who are the best. >> >> I have also discovered that the lover >> with absolutely the best stamina is the Southern >> Redneck.' >> >> Suddenly the woman became a little >> uncomfortable and blushed. 'I'm sorry,' she said, 'I >> shouldn't really be discussing all of this with you. >> I don't even know your name.' >> Tonto,' the man said, 'Tonto Goldstein, >> but my friends call me Bubba.

Destin FL
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A man and a woman meet at bar one day and are getting along really well. They decide to go back to the woman's house where they engage in passionate love making.

The woman suddenly cocks her ear and says, "quick my husband just got home, go hide in the bathroom!" So the man runs into the bathroom.

Her husband comes up into the bedroom and looks at her. "Why are you naked?" he asks.

Well, I heard you pull up outside, so I thought I would come up here and get ready to recieve you."

"Okay." the man replies "I'll go get ready."

He goes into the bathroom before his wife can stop him and sees a naked man standing there clapping his hands.

"Who the fuck are you?" the man asks

"I am from the exterminator company, your wife called me in to get rid of the moths you are having problems with."

The husband exclaims, "But you are naked!"

The man then looks down and jumps back in surprise.

"Those little bastards!"

Queensbury NY
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A woman is in bed with her lover who also happens to be her husband's best friend. They had sex for hours, and afterwards, while they're just laying there, the phone rings.

Since it is the woman's house, she picks up the receiver. Her lover looks over at her and listens, only hearing her side of the conversation...

She is speaking in a cheery voice) "Hello? Oh, hi. I'm so glad that you called. Really? That's wonderful. I am so happy for you. That sounds terrific. Great! Thanks. Okay. Bye."

She hangs up the telephone and her lover asks, "Who was that?"

"Oh" she replies, "that was my husband telling me all about the wonderful time he's having on his fishing trip with you."

Queensbury NY
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One night a couple was lying in bed. The husband was feeling frisky so he rolled over and tapped his wife on the shoulder and started rubbing her arm. The wife turns over and says "I'm sorry honey, but I have a gynaecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh."

Rejected, the husband turns over and tries to sleep. A few minutes later he rolls over and whispers in her ear "Do you have a dentist appointment, too?"

Queensbury NY
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PINCH MY NIPPLES

This is hilarious!!! Remember this the next time you need to return something, and they are giving you a hard time!!!!!!!

A woman went to a Wal-Mart service counter and told the clerk she wanted a refund for the toaster she bought because it won't work.The clerk told her that he can't give her a refund because she bought it on special.

Suddenly, the woman threw her arms up in the air and started screaming, 'PINCH MY NIPPLES, PINCH MY NIPPLES, PINCH MY NIPPLES!!!!!!'

The befuddled clerk ran away to get the store manager in front of a growing crowd of customers.

The manager comes to the woman and asks,'Ma'am what's wrong?'

She explains the problem with the toaster, and he also tells her that he can't give her a refund because she bought it on special.

Once again, the woman throws her arms up in the air and screams,'PINCH MY NIPPLES, PINCH MY NIPPLES, PINCH MY NIPPLES!!!' which begins to draw an even bigger crowd!

In shock, the store manager pleads,'Ma'am, why are you saying that?'

In a huff, the woman says, 'BECAUSE, I LIKE TO HAVE MY NIPPLES PINCHED WHEN I'M BEING SCREWED!!'

The crowd broke into applause and her money was quickly refunded!!

Now stop laughing and send this to your friends!

Destin FL
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This Year's First Christmas Joke

Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.

"In honor of this holy season" Saint Peter said,"You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven."

The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. "It represents a candle", he said.

"You may pass through the pearly gates" Saint Peter said.

The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, "They're bells."

Saint Peter said "You may pass through the pearly gates".

The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties.

St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, "And just what do those symbolize?"

The man replied, "These are Carols."

And So The Christmas Season Begins......

Destin FL
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LOL

Destin FL
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WHEN you have a 'I Hate My Job' day, try this: On your way home from work, stop at your pharmacy and go to the thermometer section and purchase a rectal thermometer made by Johnson & Johnson. Be very sure you get this brand. When you get home, lock your doors, draw the curtains and disconnect the phone so you will not be disturbed. Change into very comfortable clothing and sit in your favorite chair. Open the package and remove the thermometer. Now, carefully place it on a table or a surface so that it will not become chipped or broken.

Now the fun part begins. Take out the literature from the box and read it carefully. You will notice that in small print there is a statement:

'Every Rectal Thermometer made by Johnson & Johnson is personally tested and then sanitized '.

Now, close your eyes and repeat out loud five times,

'I am so glad I do not work in thermometer quality control at Johnson & Johnson.'

HAVE A NICE DAY AND REMEMBER, THERE IS ALWAYS SOMEONE ELSE WITH A JOB THAT IS MORE OF A PAIN IN THE A$$ THAN YOURS!

Imperial MO
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THIS IS LOADS OF FUN! Bet you can't get 100 on the first try. This is pretty neat! See how you do with the colors! Have fun! It takes an average of 5 tries to get to 100%. I did it on my 2nd try Follow the directions! It's harder than it seems, as it should be! Just fix and paste the link below:

http ://www*njagyouth*org/colortest.swf

Destin FL
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Wife says to husband: "Bulls fuck 1000 times a year, why can't you husband?" Husband responds to wife: "Go ask the bull if he fucks the same old cow!"

Milwaukee WI
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TOPIC: Jokes and Funnies feel free to add your own
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