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TOPIC: Jokes and Funnies feel free to add your own

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User Details are only visible to members.	Three Italian nuns die and go to heaven. At the Pearly Gates, they are met by St. Peter. He says, "Sisters, you all led such exemplary lives that the Lord is granting you six months to go back to earth and be anyone you wish to be" The first nun says, "I want to be Sophia Loren;" And poof she's gone. The second says, "I want to be Madonna and poof she's gone. The third says, "I want to be Sara Pipalini.." St. Peter looks perplexed. "Who?" he asked "Sara Pipalini," replies the nun. St. Peter shakes his head and says, "I'm sorry, but that name just doesn't ring a bell." The nun then takes a newspaper out of her habit and hands it to St. Peter. St. Peter reads the paper and starts laughing. He hands it back to her and says. "No sister, the paper says it was the ' Sahara Pipeline' that was laid by 1,400 men in 6 months." If you laugh, you're going straight to hell!
Destin FL			Username hidden (14562 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	Ramblings of a Retired Mind I was thinking about how a status symbol of today is those cell phones that everyone has clipped onto their belt or purse. I can't afford one. So, I'm wearing my garage door opener. You know, I spent a fortune on deodorant before I realized that people didn't like me anyway. I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans! I was thinking about old age and decided that old age is 'when you still have something on the ball, but you are just too tired to bounce it.' I thought about making a fitness movie, for folks my age, and call it "Pumping Rust." I have gotten that dreaded furniture disease. That's when your chest is falling into your drawers! I know, when people see a cat's litter box, they always say, "Oh, have you got a cat?" Just once I want to say, "No, it's for company!" Employment application blanks always ask 'who is to be notified in case of an emergency.' I think you should write, "A Good Doctor!" Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do... write to these men? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen could look for them while they deliver the mail? Or better yet, arrest them while they are taking their pictures! I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older. Then, it dawned on me, they were cramming for their finals. As for me, I'm just hoping God grades on the curve.
Destin FL			Username hidden (14562 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	OLE 'N LENA HAVE A BABY Lena is pregnant with Ole's child. Late one night, Lena vakes Ole and says, "I tink it's time!" So Ole fired up the Yohn Deere tractor and took her to the hospital to have their first baby. She had a little boy, and the doctor looked over at Ole and said, "A son! Ain't dat great!" Well, Ole got excited by dis, but yust den the doctor spoke up and said, "Hold on! We ain't finished yet!" The doctor den held up a little girl. He said, "Hey, Ole! You got you a daughter!" She's a pretty little ting, too." Ole got kind of puzzled by this, an then the doctor said, "Holey Moley, Ole, we still ain't done yet!" The doctor then delivered another boy and said, "Ole, you yust had yourself another boy!" Ole was flabbergasted by this news! A couple days later, Ole brought Lena and their three children home in the self-propelled combine. He was real serious and he asked Lena, "How come we got tree on the first try?" Lena said, "You remember dat night we ran out of Vaseline and you vent out in the garage and got dat dere 3-in-1 Oil?" Ole said, "Yeah, I do. Uffda! It's a dam good ting I didn't get the WD-40."
Destin FL			Username hidden (14562 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	http :// wwwslabearkazadcom/sniff/ close the spaces and replace the * w a .
Destin FL			Username hidden (14562 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	Now that was funny..smart kid.
Destin FL			Username hidden (14562 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	A young boy went to his father and asked,' What's the difference between Potentially and Realistically?' The father answered, 'Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Denzel Washington for one million dollars. Then go ask your sister if she would sleep with Sean 'Puffy' Combs for one million dollars. Then come back and tell me what you have learned. So the boy went to his mother and asked, 'Would you sleep with Denzel Washington for one million dollars?' The mother replied, 'Of course I would. I wouldn't pass up an opportunity like that!' Then the boy went to his sister and asked, 'Would you sleep with Sean 'Puffy' Combs for one million dollars?' The girl replied, 'Oh my gosh! I'd be nuts to pass that up!' The boy thought about it and went back to his dad. His father asked him if he'd found out the difference between 'potentially and realistically.' The boy replied, 'Yes. 'Potentially' we're sitting on two million dollars, but 'realistically' we're living with two ho's.
Teaneck NJ			Username hidden (16 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	NOW HIRING Immediate openings, PT/FT $18.75 Hr. Skills Needed- Excellant Jaws, Good Neck Muscles, and a Deep Throat....
East Ridge TN			Username hidden (4031 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	A man showed his Dr. the grey hair on his chest in order to get social security, his wife replied, 'show 'em your little dick, so that you can get disability, too.'
East Ridge TN			Username hidden (4031 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	winter blonde As a trucker stops for a red light, a blonde catches up. She jumps out of her car, runs up to his truck, and knocks on the door. The trucker lowers the window, and she says "Hi, my name is Heather and you are losing some of your load." The trucker ignores her and proceeds down the street. When the truck stops for another red light, the girl catches up again. She jumps out of her car, runs up and knocks on the door. Again, the trucker lowers the window. As if they've never spoken, the blonde says brightly, "Hi my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!" Shaking his head, the trucker ignores her again and continues down the street. At the third red light, the same thing happens again. All out of breath, the blonde gets out of her car, runs up, knocks on the truck door. The trucker rolls down the window. Again she says "Hi, my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!" When the light turn s green the trucker revs up and races to the next light. When he stops this time, he hurriedly gets out of the truck, and runs back to the blonde. He knocks on her window, and after she lowers it, he says... "Hi, my name is Kevin, it's winter in Michigan and I'm driving the SALT TRUCK!"
Destin FL			Username hidden (14562 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	My ex-wife started taking flying lessons about the time our divorce started and she got her license shortly before our divorce was final, later that same year. Yesterday afternoon, she narrowly escaped injury in the aircraft she was piloting when she was forced to make an emergency landing in Southern Tennessee because of bad weather. Thank God our kids were with me at the Beach House this weekend. The NTSB issued a preliminary report, citing pilot error: Judy was flying a single engine aircraft in IFR (instrument flight rating) conditions while only having obtained a VFR (visual flight rating) rating. The absence of a post-crash fire was likely due to insufficient fuel on board. No one on the ground was injured. Photographs below were taken at the scene show the extent of damage to her aircraft. She was very lucky. Picture was a broom leaning against a fence...lol
Destin FL			Username hidden (14562 post)

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