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Subject: Bubba Bubba died in a fire and his body was burned pretty badly.

The morgue needed someone to identify the body, so they sent for his two best friends, Cooter and Gomer.

The three men had always done everything together.

Cooter arrived first, and when the mortician pulled back the sheet, Cooter said, "Yup, his face is burned up pretty bad. You better roll him over."

The mortician rolled him over and Cooter said, "Nope, ain't Bubba."

The mortician thought this was rather strange. So he brought Gomer in, to confirm the identity of the body.

Gomer looked at the body and said, "Yup, he's pretty well burnt up. Roll him over."

The mortician rolled him over and Gomer said, "No, it ain't Bubba."

The mortician asked, "How can you tell?"

Gomer said, "Well, Bubba had two assholes."

"What? He had two assholes?" asked the mortician.

"Yup, we never seen 'em, but everybody used to say , ' There's Bubba with them two assholes. "

Destin FL
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FIVE RULES FOR MEN TO FOLLOW TO A HAPPY LIFE:

1. It's important to have a woman, who helps at home, who cooks from time to time, cleans up and has a job.

2. It's important to have a woman, who can make you laugh.

3. It's important to have a woman, who you can trust and who doesn't lie to you.

4. It's important to have a woman, who is good in bed and who likes to be with you.

5. It's very, very important that these four women do not know each other.

Destin FL
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SCHOOL ANSWERING MACHINE This is hilarious This is the message that the Pacific Palisades High School in California, where the staff voted unanimously to record on their school telephone answering machine. The school and teachers are being sued by parents who want their children's failing grades changed to passing grades - even though those children were absent 15-30 times during the semester and did not complete enough schoolwork to pass their classes. The outgoing message: Hello! You have reached the automated answering service of your school. In order to assist you in connecting to the right staff member, please listen to all the options before making a selection: * To lie about why your child is absent - Press 1 * To make excuses for why your child did not do their work- Press 2 * To complain about what we do - Press 3 * To swear at staff members - Press 4 * To ask why you didn't get information that was already enclosed in your newsletter and several flyers mailed to you - Press 5 * If you want us to raise your child - Press 6 * If you want to reach out and touch, slap or hit someone - Press 7 * To request another teacher, for the third time this year - Press 8 * To complain about bus transportation - Press 9 * To complain about school lunches - Press 0 * If you realize this is the real world and your child must be held accountable and responsible for their own beha vior, class work homework and that it's not the teachers' fault for your child's lack of effort: Hang up now and have a nice day! *If you want this message in Spanish you're in the wrong country.

Destin FL
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A family is at the dinner table. The son asks his father, 'Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?' The father, surprised, answers, 'Well, son, a woman goes through three phases. In her 20s, a woman's boobs are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s to 40s, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit. After 50, they are like onions'.

'Onions?'

Yes, you see them and they make you cry.' This infuriated his wife and daughter, so the daughter said, 'Mom, how many kinds of 'willies' are there?'

The mother, surprised, smiles and answers, 'Well dear, a man goes through three phases also. In his 20s, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his 30s and 40s, it is like a birch, flexible but reliable. After his 50s, it is like a Christm as tree'. 'A Christmas tree?' 'Yes --- dead from the root up and the balls are just for decoration.

Destin FL
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Nymphomaniac Convention] >> >> Nymphomaniacs Convention >> A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. >> >> As he settled in, he glanced up and saw >> the most beautiful woman boarding the plane. >> >> He soon realized she was heading straight >> towards his seat. As fate would have it, she took >> the seat right beside his. >> >> Eager to strike up a conversation he >> blurted out, 'Business trip or pleasure?' >> >> She turned, smiled and said, 'Business. >> I'm going to the Annual Nymphomaniacs of America >> Convention in Boston.' >> >> He swallowed hard. Here was the most >> gorgeous woman he had ever seen sitting next to him, >> and she was going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs. >> >> Struggling to maintain his composure, he >> calmly asked, 'What's your business role at this >> convention?' >> >> 'Lecturer,' she responded. 'I use >> information that I have learned from my personal >> experiences to debunk some of the popular myths >> about sexuality.' >> >> 'Really?' he said. 'And what kind of >> myths are there?' >> >> >> 'Well,' she explained, 'one popular myth >> is that African-American men are the most >> well-endowed of all men, when in fact it is the >> Native American Indian who is most likely to possess >> that trait. >> >> Another popular myth is that Frenchmen >> are the best lovers when actually it is men of >> Jewish descent who are the best. >> >> I have also discovered that the lover >> with absolutely the best stamina is the Southern >> Redneck.' >> >> Suddenly the woman became a little >> uncomfortable and blushed. 'I'm sorry,' she said, 'I >> shouldn't really be discussing all of this with you. >> I don't even know your name.' >> Tonto,' the man said, 'Tonto Goldstein, >> but my friends call me Bubba.

Destin FL
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A man and a woman meet at bar one day and are getting along really well. They decide to go back to the woman's house where they engage in passionate love making.

The woman suddenly cocks her ear and says, "quick my husband just got home, go hide in the bathroom!" So the man runs into the bathroom.

Her husband comes up into the bedroom and looks at her. "Why are you naked?" he asks.

Well, I heard you pull up outside, so I thought I would come up here and get ready to recieve you."

"Okay." the man replies "I'll go get ready."

He goes into the bathroom before his wife can stop him and sees a naked man standing there clapping his hands.

"Who the fuck are you?" the man asks

"I am from the exterminator company, your wife called me in to get rid of the moths you are having problems with."

The husband exclaims, "But you are naked!"

The man then looks down and jumps back in surprise.

"Those little bastards!"

Queensbury NY
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A woman is in bed with her lover who also happens to be her husband's best friend. They had sex for hours, and afterwards, while they're just laying there, the phone rings.

Since it is the woman's house, she picks up the receiver. Her lover looks over at her and listens, only hearing her side of the conversation...

She is speaking in a cheery voice) "Hello? Oh, hi. I'm so glad that you called. Really? That's wonderful. I am so happy for you. That sounds terrific. Great! Thanks. Okay. Bye."

She hangs up the telephone and her lover asks, "Who was that?"

"Oh" she replies, "that was my husband telling me all about the wonderful time he's having on his fishing trip with you."

Queensbury NY
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One night a couple was lying in bed. The husband was feeling frisky so he rolled over and tapped his wife on the shoulder and started rubbing her arm. The wife turns over and says "I'm sorry honey, but I have a gynaecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh."

Rejected, the husband turns over and tries to sleep. A few minutes later he rolls over and whispers in her ear "Do you have a dentist appointment, too?"

Queensbury NY
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PINCH MY NIPPLES

This is hilarious!!! Remember this the next time you need to return something, and they are giving you a hard time!!!!!!!

A woman went to a Wal-Mart service counter and told the clerk she wanted a refund for the toaster she bought because it won't work.The clerk told her that he can't give her a refund because she bought it on special.

Suddenly, the woman threw her arms up in the air and started screaming, 'PINCH MY NIPPLES, PINCH MY NIPPLES, PINCH MY NIPPLES!!!!!!'

The befuddled clerk ran away to get the store manager in front of a growing crowd of customers.

The manager comes to the woman and asks,'Ma'am what's wrong?'

She explains the problem with the toaster, and he also tells her that he can't give her a refund because she bought it on special.

Once again, the woman throws her arms up in the air and screams,'PINCH MY NIPPLES, PINCH MY NIPPLES, PINCH MY NIPPLES!!!' which begins to draw an even bigger crowd!

In shock, the store manager pleads,'Ma'am, why are you saying that?'

In a huff, the woman says, 'BECAUSE, I LIKE TO HAVE MY NIPPLES PINCHED WHEN I'M BEING SCREWED!!'

The crowd broke into applause and her money was quickly refunded!!

Now stop laughing and send this to your friends!

Destin FL
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This Year's First Christmas Joke

Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.

"In honor of this holy season" Saint Peter said,"You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven."

The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. "It represents a candle", he said.

"You may pass through the pearly gates" Saint Peter said.

The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, "They're bells."

Saint Peter said "You may pass through the pearly gates".

The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties.

St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, "And just what do those symbolize?"

The man replied, "These are Carols."

And So The Christmas Season Begins......

Destin FL
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