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User Details are only visible to members.	This Year's First Christmas Joke Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates. "In honor of this holy season" Saint Peter said,"You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven." The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. "It represents a candle", he said. "You may pass through the pearly gates" Saint Peter said. The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, "They're bells." Saint Peter said "You may pass through the pearly gates". The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties. St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, "And just what do those symbolize?" The man replied, "These are Carols." And So The Christmas Season Begins......
Destin FL			Username hidden (14562 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	LOL
Destin FL			Username hidden (14562 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	WHEN you have a 'I Hate My Job' day, try this: On your way home from work, stop at your pharmacy and go to the thermometer section and purchase a rectal thermometer made by Johnson & Johnson. Be very sure you get this brand. When you get home, lock your doors, draw the curtains and disconnect the phone so you will not be disturbed. Change into very comfortable clothing and sit in your favorite chair. Open the package and remove the thermometer. Now, carefully place it on a table or a surface so that it will not become chipped or broken. Now the fun part begins. Take out the literature from the box and read it carefully. You will notice that in small print there is a statement: 'Every Rectal Thermometer made by Johnson & Johnson is personally tested and then sanitized '. Now, close your eyes and repeat out loud five times, 'I am so glad I do not work in thermometer quality control at Johnson & Johnson.' HAVE A NICE DAY AND REMEMBER, THERE IS ALWAYS SOMEONE ELSE WITH A JOB THAT IS MORE OF A PAIN IN THE A$$ THAN YOURS!
Saint Louis MO			Username hidden (12119 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	THIS IS LOADS OF FUN! Bet you can't get 100 on the first try. This is pretty neat! See how you do with the colors! Have fun! It takes an average of 5 tries to get to 100%. I did it on my 2nd try Follow the directions! It's harder than it seems, as it should be! Just fix and paste the link below: http ://wwwnjagyouthorg/colortest.swf
Destin FL			Username hidden (14562 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	Wife says to husband: "Bulls fuck 1000 times a year, why can't you husband?" Husband responds to wife: "Go ask the bull if he fucks the same old cow!"
Milwaukee WI			Username hidden (16 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	CATHOLIC PARROTS A lady goes to her priest one day and tells him, "Father, I have a problem. I have two female parrots, but they only know how to say one thing." "What do they say?" the priest inquired. They say, "Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to have some fun?" That's obscene!" the priest exclaimed, then he thought for a moment. "You know," he said, "I may have a solution to your problem. I have two male talking parrots, which I have taught to pray and read the Bible. Bring your two parrots over to my house, and we'll put them in the cage with Francis and Peter. My parrots can teach your parrots to praise and worship, and your parrots are sure to stop saying . . . that phrase . . in no time." Thank you," the woman responded, "this may very well be the solution." The next day, she brought her female parrots to the priest's house. As he ushered her in, she saw that his two male parrots were inside their cage holding rosary beads and praying. Impressed, she walked over and placed her parrots in with them. After a few minutes, the female parrots cried out in unison: Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to have some fun?" There was stunned silence. Shocked, one male parrot looked over at the other male parrot and exclaimed, "Put the beads away, Frank. Our prayers have been answered!"
Destin FL			Username hidden (14562 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	Mystery Meat A man kills a deer and takes it home to cook for dinner. Both he and his wife decide that they won't tell the kids what kind of meat it is but will give them a clue and let them guess The kids were eager to know what the meat was on their plates, so they begged their dad for the clue. Well, he said, "it's what mommy calls me sometimes" The little girl screams to her brother "don't eat it, it's an ass hole."
Destin FL			Username hidden (14562 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	SMART ASS ANSWER #6 It was mealtime during a flight on Hooters Airline. "Would you like dinner?" the flight attendant asked John, seated in front. "What are my choices?" John asked. "Yes or no," she replied. SMART ASS ANSWER #5 A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat, she said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket not your stub." SMART ASS ANSWER #4 A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store but she couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?" The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dea d." SMART ASS ANSWER #3 The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said. The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could." When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket. SMART ASS ANSWER #2 A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that reads, "Low Bridge Ahead." Before he knows it, the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck, huh?" The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas." SMART ASS ANSWER OF THE YEAR 2007 A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!" A smart-ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?" The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering. When silence is restored, the teacher smiles knowingly at the student, shakes her head and sweetly says, "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand."
Destin FL			Username hidden (14562 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	lay her off, 'cause she won't fuck bob...lol
Destin FL			Username hidden (14562 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	bob runs a factory that is presantly downsizing ,his superiors tell him he needs to let someone go from his department,so all that day bob tries to decide on firing kelly (who is 15 minutes late everyday but does more than her fair share while shes there) ,or jack who is 15 minutes early everyday but struggles to do the same work as kelly in a day) he cant decide so he is going to flip a coin but then realizes thats not fair .he goes home to think about what to do and decides that the first one to come over to the water fountain in the morning will be the one to be let go .the next morning he sees kelly hungover making her way to the water fountain so he goes over and says im sorry kelly but i have to lay you or jack off ,she looks at him holding her head with a hangover and says JACKOFF............................
Philadelphia PA			Username hidden (1093 post)

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