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TOPIC: Jokes_and_Funnies_feel_free_to_add_your_own
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true.too true

Destin FL
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What's the difference between Heath Ledger and Heath Ledger jokes?

The jokes get old.

Rochester NY
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GOING TO HELL An old lady dies and goes to heaven. She's chatting it up with St.Peter at the Pearly Gates when all of a sudden she hears the most awful bloodcurdling screams. Don't worry about that", says St. Peter, "it's only someone having the holes put into her shoulder blades for wings." The old lady looks a little uncomfortable but carries on with the conversation...Ten minutes later, there are more blood curdling screams. "Oh my God", says the old lady, "now what is happening?" Not to worry", says St. Peter, "She's just having her head drilled to fit the halo." "I can't do this", says the old lady, "I'm going to hell." "You can't go there", says St. Peter. "You 'll be raped and sodomized." "Maybe so", says the old lady, "but I've already got the holes drilled for that. "

Destin FL
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Two South Carolina Rednecks, Bubba and Jimbo, are sitting at their favorite Bar, drinking beer.

Bubba turns to Jimbo and says, "You know, I'm tired of going through Life without an education. Tomorrow I think I'll go to the Community College, and sign up for some classes." Jimbo thinks it's a good idea, and the two leave. The next day, Bubba goes down to the college and meets with the Dean Of Admissions who signs him up for the four basic classes: Math, English, History, and Logic. Logic?" Bubba says. "What's that?" The dean says, "I'll give you an example. Do you own a weed eater?" "Yeah." "Then logically speaking, because you own a weed eater, I think that you would have a yard." That's true, I do have a yard." "I'm not done," the dean says. "Because you have a yard, I think logically that you would have a house." "Yes, I do have a house." "And because you have a house, I think that you might logically have a family." "Yes, I have a family." "I'm not done yet. Because you have a family, then logically you must have a wife. And because you have a wife, then logic tells me you must be a Heterosexual." "I am a heterosexual. That's amazing; you were able to find out all of that because I have a weed eater." Excited to take the class now, Bubba shakes the Dean's hand and leaves to go meet Jimbo at the bar. He tells Jimbo about his classes, how he signed up for Math, English, History, and Logic. "Logic?" Jimbo says, "What's that?" Bubba says, "I'll give you an example. Do you have a weed eater?" "No." Then you're a queer."

Destin FL
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A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in their bed.

She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him.

She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee in front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall.

She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee.

'What's the matter, dear?' she whispers as she steps into the room, 'Why are you down here at this time of night?'

The husband looks up from his coffee, 'I am just remembering when we first met 20 years ago and started dating. You were only 16. Do you remember back then' he asks solemnly

The wife is touched to tears thinking that her husband is so caring, so sensitive.

' Yes, I do' she replies. The husband pauses. The words were not coming easily.

'Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car?'

'Yes, I remember,' said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.

The husband continues.

'Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, 'Either you marry my daughter, or I will send you to jail for 20 years?'

'I remember that, too' she replies softly.

He wipes another tear from his cheek and says...

'I would have gotten out today.'

Destin FL
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A Frickin' Elephant

Jake is five and learning to read. He points at a picture in a zoo book and says, 'Look Mama! It's a frickin' elephant!'

Deep breath... 'What did you call it?'

'It's a frickin' Elephant, Mama! It says so on the picture!' and so it does...

' A f r i c a n Elephant '

Hooked on phonics! Ain't it wonderful?

Destin FL
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Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock.

Upon leaving, the brunette tells her sister, "When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home."

The brunette arrives at the man's ranch, inspects the bull, and decides she wants to buy it. The man tells her that he will sell it for $599, no less. After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news. She walks into the telegraph office, and says, "I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pickup truck and drive out here so we can haul it home."

The telegraph operator explains that he'll be glad to help her, then adds, it will cost 99 cents a word." Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette realizes that she'll only be able to send her sister one word.

After a few minutes of thinking, she nods and says, "I want you to send her the word "comfortable."

The operator shakes his head. "How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her just the word "comfortable?"

The brunette explains, "My sister's blonde. The word is big. She'll read it very slowly.... "com-for-da-bul

Destin FL
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hmmm also the biggest sporting event in the world, I am sure those good ole boys are laughing all the way to the bank.

Destin FL
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NASCAR

Non, Athletic, Sport, Centered, Around, Rednecks,

Milwaukee WI
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I love Melissa!

Destin FL
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TOPIC: Jokes and Funnies feel free to add your own
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