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TOPIC: Jokes and Funnies feel free to add your own
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Boy took his family's cow over to the girl's family farm to breed with her family's bull. As the bull and cow were performing their duties, the boy sidled over to the girl and put hi arm around her and said, "I wish I could be doing what your bull's doing..." To which the girl batteted her eyelashes all wide-eyed and innocent and replied, "Well, why don't you? It's your cow!"

Mcallen TX
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Two farm boys were talking one afternoon. Jim Bob says, my girl friends mother caught me fucking her daugther in the barn last night. His friend Joe Bob, asked what did she say? JimBob said, BaaaaBaaaaBaa

Lyons NY
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Research shows that there are 7 kinds of sex.

The 1st kind of sex is called: Smurf Sex. * This kind of sex happens when you first meet someone, and you both have sex until you are blue in the face.

The 2nd kind of sex is called: Kitchen Sex. * This is when you have been with your partner for a short time, and you are so needy you will have sex anywhere, even in the kitchen.

The 3rd kind of sex is called: Bedroom Sex. This is when you have been with your partner for a long time, your sex has gotten routine, and you usually have sex only in your bedroom.

The 4th kind of sex is called: Hallway Sex * This is when you have been with your partner for too long. When you pass each other in the hallway you both say 'Screw you.'

The 5th kind of sex is called: Religious Sex. * This means you get Nun in the morning, Nun in the afternoon, and Nun at night. (Very Popular)

The 6th kind is called Courtroom Sex. * This is when you cannot stand your wife any more. She takes you to court and screws you in front of everyone.

And; Last, but not least, The 7th kind of sex is called: Social Security Sex. You get a little each month, but not enough to enjoy yourself.

Tulare CA
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The Lone Ranger and Tonto went camping in the desert. After they got their tent all set up, both men fell sound asleep. Some hours later, Tonto wakes the Lone Ranger and says, 'Kemo Sabe, look Towards sky, what you see? ' 'The Lone Ranger replies, 'I see millions of stars.' What that tell you?' asked Tonto. The Lone Ranger ponders for a minute then says, 'Astronomically speaking, It tells me there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter Past three in the morning. Theologically, the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What's it tell you, Tonto?' > > > > >"You dumber than buffalo shit. It means someone stole the tent."

Tulare CA
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An elderly spinster called the lawyer's office and told the receptionist she wanted to see the lawyer about having a will prepared.

The receptionist suggested they set up an appointment for a convenient time for the spinster to come into the office.

The woman replied, "You must understand, I've lived alone all my life, I rarely see anyone, and I don't like to go out. Would it be possible for the lawyer to come to my house?"

The receptionist checked with the attorney who agreed and he went to the spinster's home for the meeting to discuss her estate and the will.

The lawyer's first question was, "Would you please tell me what you have in assets and how you'd like them to be distributed under your will?"

She replied, "Besides the furniture and accessories you see here, I have $40,000 in my savings account at the bank."

"Tell me," the lawyer asked, "how would you like the $40,000 to be distributed?"

The spinster said, "Well, as I've told you, I've lived a reclusive life, people have hardly ever noticed me, so I'd like them to notice when I pass on. I'd like to provide $35,000 for my funeral."

The lawyer remarked, "Well, for $35,000 you will be able to have a funeral that will certainly be noticed and will leave a lasting impression on anyone who may not have taken much note of you! But tell me," he continued, "what would you like to do with the remaining $5,000?"

The spinster replied, "As you know, I've never married, I've lived alone almost my entire life, and in fact I've never slept with a man. Before I die, I'd like you to use the $5,000 to arrange for a man to sleep with me."

"This is a very unusual request," the lawyer said, adding, "but I'll see what I can do to arrange it and get back to you."

That evening, the lawyer was at home telling his wife about the eccentric spinster and her weird request.

After thinking about how much she could do around the house with $5,000 and with a bit of coaxing, she got her husband to agree to provide the service himself. She said, "I'll drive you over tomorrow morning, and wait in the car until you're finished."

The next morning, she drove him to the spinster's house and waited while he went into the house. She waited for over an hour, but her husband didn't come out. So she blew the car horn. Shortly, the upstairs bedroom window opened, the lawyer stuck his head out and yelled, "Pick me up tomorrow, she's going to let the County bury her!"

Tulare CA
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A U.S. Marine Colonel was about to start the morning briefing to his staff. While waiting for the coffee machine to finish its brewing, the colonel decided to pose a question to all assembled. He explained that his wife had been a bit frisky the night before and he failed to get his usual amount of sound sleep. He posed the question of just how much of sex was "work" and how much of it was "pleasure?" A Major chimed in with 75-25% in favor of work . A Captain said it was 50-50%. A lieutenant responded with 25-75% in favor of pleasure , depending upon his state of inebriation at the time. There being no consensus, the colonel turned to the PFC who was in charge of making the coffee. What was HIS opinion? Without any hesitation, the young PFC responded, "Sir, it has to be 100% pleasure." The colonel was surprised and, as you might guess, asked why. "Well, sir, if there was any work involved, the officers would have me doing it for them!!!!" The room fell silent.

Tulare CA
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Poor Skunk A man and his wife were driving home one very cold night when the wife asks her husband to stop the car. There was a baby skunk lying at the side of the road, and she got out to see if it was still alive.

It was, and she said to her husband, "It's nearly frozen to death. Can we take it with us, get it warm, and let it go in the morning ?"

He says, "O.K., Get in the car with it."

"Where shall I put it to get it warm ?"

He says, "Put it in between your legs. It's nice and warm there.

"But what about the smell ?"

"Just hold its little nose."

The man is expected to recover, but the skunk she used to beat him with died at the scene.

Tulare CA
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acouple that had never had sex together, or even seen each other naked, were on their honeymoon {hey, it could happen!} The new bride took off her blouse to expose one breast, in the center of her chest. The groom saw this and excalimed. SHe reassured him, "hey, look at it this way: it's twice as big as most women's". He settled down and she continued to disrobe. WHen she took off her skirt, her vagina was square on her hip instead of between her legs. HE grabbed his coat and said, 'I'm sorry, I've gotta go!", to which she raise her arm, exposing her armpit and said, "FINE! kiss my ass then!"

Mcallen TX
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How do you circumcise a redneck?

Kick his sister in the jaw...

Pittsburgh PA
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TALKING PENNSYLVANIAN

For those who think we Pennsylvanians 'talk funny' or use 'big words'...

Once a Pennsylvanian, ALWAYS a Pennsylvanian!

About Pennsylvanians: You've never referred to Philadelphia as anything but ‘Philly’ and New Jersey has always been ' Jersey .'

We don't go to the beach -- we go ‘down the shore.'

You refer to Pennsylvania as 'PA' (pronounced Pee-Ay). How many other states do that??

'You guys' (or even 'youze guys', in some places) is a perfectly acceptable reference to a group of men and women.

You know how to respond to the question ‘Djeetyet?' (Did you eat yet?)

You know that the Iggles play football and so do the Stillers.

You learned to pronounce Bryn Mawr, Wilkes-Barre , Schuylkill , the Poconos, Tamaqua, Kutztown, Tunkahannock, Bala Cynwyd, Kishacoquillas, Duquesne and Monongahela, also Conshohocken.

And we know Lancaster is pronounced Lank-ister, not Lan-kaster.

You know what a ‘Mummer’ is, and are disappointed if you can't catch at least highlights of the parade.

At least five people on your block have electric 'candles' in all or most of their windows all year long.

You know what a 'State Store' is, and your out-of-state friends find it incredulous that you can’t purchase liquor at the mini-mart.

Words like 'hoagie,' 'crick,' 'chipped ham,' 'dippy eggs', 'sticky buns,' 'shoo-fly pie,' 'lemon sponge pie', 'pierogies' and 'pocketbook' actually mean something to you. (By the way, that last one's PA slang for a purse!)

You not only have heard of Birch Beer, but you know it comes in several colors.

You know the difference between a cheese steak and a pizza steak sandwich, and you know that you also can't get a really good one anywhere outside of the Philly area. (Except maybe in Atlantic City on the boardwalk.)

You know that Blue Ball, Intercourse, Paradise, Climax, Bird-in-Hand, Beaver, Moon, Virginville, Mars, Bethlehem, Hershey, Indiana, Sinking Spring, Jersey Shore, State College, Washington Crossing, Jim Thorpe, King of Prussia, Wind Gap, and Slippery Rock are all PA towns ... and the first three were consecutive stops on the old Reading RR! (PS - That’s pronounced Redd-ing.)

You can identify drivers from New York , New Jersey , Maryland or other neighboring states by their unique and irritating driving habits.

A traffic jam in Lancaster County is 10 cars waiting to pass a horse-drawn carriage on the highway. (And remember ... that’s Lank-ister!)

You know several people who have hit deer more than once.

Driving is always better in winter because the potholes are filled with snow.

As a kid you built snow forts and leaf piles that were taller than you were..

You know beer doesn't grow in a garden, but you know where to find a beer garden.

You actually understand all this and send it out to other Pennsylvanians or former Pennsylvanians. It's scary, isn't it!

YEAH! THAT'S GOOD OL' ‘PA’ AND WE LOVE IT!

Chesapeake VA
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