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TOPIC: Jokes_and_Funnies_feel_free_to_add_your_own
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I first heard that when Meg Ryan told it to Dennis Quaid in "D.O.A.".

Windermere FL
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What do the female reindeer do on Christmas Eve while the males are pulling Santa's sleigh??

They go into town and blow a few bucks!!

Santa Fe NM
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Open wide for chunky!

Hanford CA
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I think my neighbors were eating candy bars last night. All night I could hear her saying, "Oh Henry!, Oh Henry!"

Hanford CA
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Now that is funny.

North Port FL
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I like that one VA

A family is at the dinner table. The son asks the father, “Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?” The father, surprised, answers, “Well, son, a woman goes through three phases. In her 20s, a woman’s breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s and 40s, they are like pears, still nice, hanging a bit. After 50, they are like onions.” “Onions?” the son asks. “Yes. You see them and they make you cry.”

This infuriated his wife and daughter. The daughter asks, “Mom, how many different kinds of willies are there?” The mother smiles and says, “Well, dear, a man goes through three phases also. In his 20s, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his 30s and 40s, it’s like a birch, flexible but reliable. After his 50s, it’s like a Christmas tree.” “A Christmas tree?” the daughter asks. “Yes, dead from the root up and the balls are just for decoration.” -

Santa Fe NM
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I saw this woman wearing a shirt that said "Guess"

I said "Implants?"

Bitch hit me!

Windermere FL
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Fidel Castro: I will not die until America is destroyed.

America: Donald Trump is our new president.

Fidel Castro: Well then.....

Fullerton CA
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@Kelly good one!

How do you get pie out of the carpet? Have her shave the carpet.

Rialto CA
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A husband comes home to find his wife with her suitcases packed in the living room. "Where the hell do you think you're going?" he says. "I'm going to Las Vegas. You can earn $400 for a blow job there, and I figured that I might as well earn money for what I do to you free."

The husband thinks for a moment, goes upstairs, and comes back down, with his suitcase packed as well. "Where do you think you going?" the wife asks. "I'm coming with you...I want to see how you survive on $800 a year!!!"

Santa Fe NM
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TOPIC: Jokes and Funnies feel free to add your own
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