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A husband returns home to find his wife in bed with a naked man.

"What are you doing???", he shouts.

The wife replies to her lover, "I told you he was stupid!"

San Antonio TX
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HOW TO START A FIGHT

My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby table. I asked her, "Do you know him?" "Yes", she sighed, "He's my old boyfriend. I understand he took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he hasn't been sober since." "My God!" I said, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?" And then the fight started.

Emeryville CA
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A woman comes home from work after a very tough day and says to her husband "What a day, I don't know if I'm coming or going" To which he replies " By the look on your face your going, Cause when you're cumming you look like a down syndrome child trying to whistle"

Dover NJ
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funny, John

Danville VT
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My wife got a mudpack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off...

Philadelphia PA
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A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. The next week the man realized that he would need his wife to wake him at 5.00 am for an early morning business flight to Chicago. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence, he finally wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5.00 am." The next morning the man woke up, only to discover it was 9.00am, and that he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't woken him when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed ... it said... "It is 5.00am; wake up."

Philadelphia PA
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Skinny little white guy goes into an elevator, looks up and sees this HUGE black guy standing next to him. The big guy sees the little man staring at him, he looks down and says: '7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch penis, 3 pounds of testicles, Turner Brown.' The little guy faints and falls to the floor. The big guy kneels down and brings him to, shaking him. The big guy says, 'What's wrong with you............?' In a weak voice the little guy says, 'What EXACTLY did you say to me?' The big dude says, 'I saw your curious look and figured I'd just give you the answers to the questions everyone always asks me. I'm 7 feet tall, I weigh 350 pounds, I have a 20 inch penis, my testicles weigh 3 pounds each and my name is Turner Brown.' The little guy says: 'Turner Brown?! Sweet Jesus, I thought you said, "Turn around"..

Tulare CA
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HOW TO START A FIGHT

I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first. "I'll have the rump steak, rare, please." He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?" "Nah, she can order for herself." And that's when the fight started...

Emeryville CA
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That's the difference between men and women- women choke on chicken while men choke the chicken. :-)

Brooklyn Park MN
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A woman goes into a restaurant in a small southern town out in the country. She orders the fried chicken and starts to eat. Eating too fast, she chokes on a chicken bone.

Well, these two country boys in the next booth notice she is choking, and they get up and go over to help her. The first country boy drops his coveralls and bends over, and the second country boy starts licking his asshole.

She pukes all over the place, dislodging the chicken bone from her throat. The country boy pulls his coveralls back up and says to the other excitedly, "You're right Billy Bob, that Hind-Lick Maneuver works like a charm."

San Antonio TX
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TOPIC: Jokes and Funnies feel free to add your own
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