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TOPIC: Jokes and Funnies feel free to add your own

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User Details are only visible to members.	a man walks in to a bar and the bar maid says your fly is down, he says did you see a harley, she said no ,but I did see a mini bike with two flat tires...bububye
Kingston TN			Username hidden (1927 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	Mar 9 2011 at 08:41am The why's of men 1. WHY DO MEN BECOME SMARTER DURING SEX (because they are plugged into a genius) ---------------------------------------------- 2. WHY DON'T WOMEN BLINK DURING SEX? (they don't have enough time) ----------------------------------------------- 3. WHY DOES IT TAKE 1 MILLION SPERM TO FERTILIZE ONE EGG? (they don't stop to ask directions) ----------------------------------------------- 4. WHY DO MEN SNORE WHEN THEY LIE ON THEIR BACKS? (because their balls fall over their butt-hole and they vapor-lock) ----------------------------------------------- (You're laughing, aren't you?!?!) ----------------------------------------------- 5. WHY WERE MEN GIVEN LARGER BRAINS THAN DOGS? (so they won't hump women's legs at cocktails parties) ---------------------------------------------- 6. WHY DID GOD MAKE MEN BEFORE WOMEN? (you need a rough draft before you make a final copy) ----------------------------------------------- 7. HOW MANY MEN DOES IT TAKE TO PUT A TOILET SEAT DOWN? (don't know.....it never happened) ----------------------------------------------- ( C'mon guys, we laugh at your blonde jokes!) ----------------------------------------------- And the personal favorite: 8. WHY DID GOD PUT MEN ON EARTH? (because a vibrator can't mow the lawn or kill spiders) ----------------------------------------------- Remember, if you haven't got a smile on your face and laughter in your heart...Then you are just an old sour fart! ----------------------------------------------- One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweat-shirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, 'What setting do I use on the washing machine?' 'It depends,' I replied. 'What does it say on your shirt?' He yelled back, ' University of Oklahoma .' And they say blondes are dumb... --------------------------------------------- A couple is lying in bed. The man says, 'I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world.' The woman replies, 'I'll miss you...' ----------------------------------------------- 'It's just too hot to wear clothes today,' Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, 'honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?' 'Probably that I married you for your money,' she replied. ----------------------------------------------- Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man? A: A rumor ------- --------------------------------------- Dear Lord, I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive him; And Patience for his moods. Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll beat him to death. AMEN ---------------------------------------------- Q: Why do little boys whine? A: They are practicing to be men. ---------------------------------------------- Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name? A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough. ---------------------------------------------- Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail? A: Rename the mail folder 'Instruction Manual.' ----------------------------------------------
Farmington MN			Username hidden (44 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	a man went to a cat house to get some,he came back three weeks later and told them they gave him the clap.they no they didn t,they sold it to him.bububye
Kingston TN			Username hidden (1927 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	What do a dildo and soybeans have in common? They're both used as a meat substitute.
New Kensington PA			Username hidden (2138 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	a women wanted a fur coat, her husband said they could not afford it. she lifted up he dress and said see this, before we got married it was my hope chest , now its your tool chest, if I don,t get that fur coat its gone be the community chest......bubububye
Kingston TN			Username hidden (1927 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	A guy's been dating the girl of his dreams for several months but he's been holding back on his sexual advances because he's worried she'll notice his smaller than average penis. One night they are in his car and he decides to finally make his move. After kissing for awhile, he opens up his zipper and guides her hand into his pants. "No thanks," moans the girl. "You know I don't smoke."
New Kensington PA			Username hidden (2138 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	John was a salesman's delight when it came to any kind of unusual gimmicks. His wife Marsha had long ago given up trying to get him to change. One day John came home with another one of his unusual purchases. It was a robot that John claimed was actually a lie detector. At 5:30 that afternoon, his 11 year old son, Tommy, returned home from school two hours late. "Where have you been? Why are you over 2 hours late getting home?" asked John.. "Several of us went to the library to work on an extra credit project," said Tommy. The robot walked around the table and slapped Tommy, knocking him completely out of his chair. "Son," said John, "this robot is a lie detector, now tell us where you really were after school.." "We went to Bobby's house and watched a movie." said Tommy. "What did you watch?" asked his mother, Marsha. "The Ten Commandments." answered Tommy. The robot went around to Tommy and once again slapped him, knocking him off his chair. With his lip quivering, Tommy got up, sat down and said, "I am sorry I lied. We really watched a tape called Sex Queen." "I am ashamed of you son," said John. "When I was your age, I never lied to my parents." The robot walked around to John and delivered a whack that knocked him out of his chair. Marsha doubled over in laughter, almost in tears, and said, "Boy, did you ever ask for that one! You can't be too mad with Tommy. After all, he is your son!" The robot walked around to Marsha and knocked her out of her chair.
San Antonio TX			Username hidden (6056 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	A woman asks her husband at breakfast time, "Would you like some bacon and eggs, a slice of toast, and maybe some grapefruit juice and coffee?" He declines. "Thanks for asking, but I'm not hungry right now. It's this Viagra," he says. "It's really taken the edge off my appetite." At lunchtime, she asked him if he would like something. "How about a bowl of soup, homemade muffins, or a cheese sandwich?" He declines. "The Viagra," he says, "really trashes my desire for food." Come dinnertime, she asks if he wants anything to eat. "Would you like a juicy rib eye steak and some scrumptious apple pie? Or maybe a rotisserie chicken or tasty stir fry?" He declines again. "No," he says, "it's got to be the Viagra. I'm still not hungry." "Well," she says, "Would you mind letting me up? I'm starving."
Duncannon PA			Username hidden (26 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	I WANT A RAISE I, the penis, request a pay raise due to the following reasons: 1) I do physical labor 2) I work at great depths 3) I plunge head first into everything I do 4)I work weekends and holidays 5) I work in a damp environment 6)I work in dark areas w/poor ventilation 7)I work in high temperatures & 8)My work exposes me to disease Dear Penis, Your request has been denied for the following reasons: 1) You don't work 8 hours straight 2)You work in short spurts and fall asleep after each brief work period 3)You don't stay in your designated work area, & are frequently found in other locations 4)You don't take initiative & must be stimulated to start working 5)You leave your work place messy at the end of your shift 6)You are unable to work overtime or double shifts 7)You sometimes leave your designated work area before completing the assigned task 8)You have constantly been seen entering and exiting the work place with 2 suspicious bags. Sincerely, Management
Farmersville TX			Username hidden (1 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	Larry is in room 232 Okay, so you're asking, "Who in the hell is Larry?" He (Larry) gets home late one night and his wife, Candy, says, "Where in the world have you been?" Larry replies, "I was out getting a tattoo." "A tattoo?!?" she screeched. "What KIND of tattoo?" "I got a hundred dollar bill tattooed on my PENIS," he said proudly. "What the hell were you thinking?!?" she said, shaking her head in total disgust "Why in the world would a mechanical engineer get a hundred dollar bill tattooed on his PENIS?" "Well, for one, I like to watch my money grow." "Two, once in a while, I enjoy playing with my money." "Three, I like how money feels in my hand." "And, best of all, instead of you going shopping, you can stay right here at home and blow a hundred bucks anytime you want!" As I said, Larry is in room 232 at the hospital.
Tulare CA			Username hidden (1881 post)

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