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TOPIC: Jokes_and_Funnies_feel_free_to_add_your_own
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I was reading an article in a magazine while waiting in the lobby at my doctors office. The article stated that in the U.S. They estimate 62% of women living here are battered. All this time I've been eating mine plain.

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what do you get when you cross a midget with a prostitute?

a little fucker about yeh high.

Northville NY
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A guy named Bill finally decided to tie the knot with his long-time girlfriend.

One evening, after the honeymoon, he was welding some stuff for fun.

His new wife was standing there at the bench watching him. After a long period of silence she finally spoke, "Honey, I've just been thinking, now that we are married maybe it's time you quit spending all your time out here in the shop.

You probably should just consider selling all your welders along with your gun collection and that stupid vintage Harley-Davidson.

Bill got a horrified look on his face.

She said, "Darling....., what's wrong?"?

He replied, "Just for a minute you were starting to sound like my ex-wife."?

"Ex wife?" she screamed, "YOU NEVER TOLD ME YOU WERE MARRIED BEFORE!"?

Bill replied: "I wasn't."

Thornton CO
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What does a blond say after sex?

"Are you all on the same team?"

Los Angeles CA
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How dose a Blond put on the lights after sex ?

she opens the car door

Ronkonkoma NY
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What did the duck say to the prostitute?

You can put it on my bill.

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Size matters

Women's response : 2 inches - I can't even hold it. 3 inches - Never been so unsatisfied. 4 inches- I've had bigger than it. 5 inches- Good , but I wish a bit bigger! 6 inches - perfect. 7 inches - Love it. 8 inches - Wow ! but can't have it all. 9 inches - Painful but manageable. 10 inches- Too much pressure on stomach.

This survey was Customer's Feedback on different SIZES of: Subway Sandwiches ! But I love the way you think!... and this is why I worry about you ...

Thornton CO
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Two Norwegians are drinking in a bar. One says, "Did you know that Elks have sex 10 to 15 times a day?"

"Aww, shit!" says his friend, "and I just joined the Knights of Columbus!"

Thornton CO
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So there I was, walking past a mental hospital. Everyone inside was shouting "13! 13! 13!"

I wondered what was up. I couldn't see over the fence, but I did find a knothole to look through. When I did, someone poked me in the eye with a stick!

Then everyone inside began shouting "14! 14! 14!"

Los Angeles CA
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A guy goes into the Post Office to apply for a job. The interviewer asks him, "Are you allergic to anything?" He replies, "Yes, caffeine. I can't drink coffee." "Ok, Have you ever been in the military service?" "Yes," he says, "I was in Afghanistan for one tour." The interviewer says, "That will give you five extra points toward employment." Then he asks, "Are you disabled in any way?" The guy says, "Yes. A bomb exploded near me and I lost both my testicles." The interviewer grimaces and then says, "Disabled in your country's service! Well, that qualifies for extra bonus points. Okay. Looking at the regulations you have got enough points for me to hire you right now. Our normal hours are from 8:00 a.m. to 4:00 p.m.. You can start tomorrow at 10:00 am, and plan on starting at 10:00 am every day." "The guy is puzzled and asks, "If the work hours are from 8:00 am to 4:00 PM, why don't you want me here until 10:00 am?"

"This is a government job," the interviewer says. "For the first two hours, we just stand around drinking coffee and scratching our balls. No point in you coming in for that."

Thornton CO
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TOPIC: Jokes and Funnies feel free to add your own
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