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KNow the differnece between a Hoover and a Harley?

the position of the dirtbag!

Fair Oaks TX
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Or without any pricks in your life, if that's how it works out.

Danville VT
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It was the coldest winter ever. Many animals died because of the cold.

The porcupines, realizing the situation, decided to group together to keep warm. This way they covered and protected themselves; but the quills of each one wounded their closest companions.

After a while, they decided to distance themselves one from the other and they began to die, alone and frozen. So they had to make a choice: either accept the quills of their companions or disappear from the Earth.

Wisely, they decided to go back to being together. They learned to live with the little wounds caused by the close relationship with their companions in order to receive the heat that came from the others. This way they were able to survive.

The best relationship is not the one that brings together perfect people, but when each individual learns to live with the imperfections of others and can admire the other person's good qualities.

The moral of the story is: Just learn to live with the Pricks in your life!

Fair Oaks TX
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Two women arguing about what kind of engineer God must've been to have designed to human body. One was adamantly insisting God would have been a mechanical engineer, based on the function of muscle and bone. The other, equally adamant, insisting He was more like a chemical engineer, based on brain and nerve function. At an impasse, they finally asked the opinion of a third lady. She pondered for a brief moment and arrived at her answer: a civil engineer. Perplexed, they asked how she arrived to that conclusion. Easy, she said, only a civil engineer would put the waste removal system right throug hthe recreational area!

Fair Oaks TX
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My wife said she wanted me to dominate her. So I said, "Ok, let's play Scrabble."

~From a secret fb group. :-)

Emeryville CA
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What do the female reindeer do on Christmas Eve when the guys take Santa on the ride?

The go into town and "blow a few bucks!"

Jacksonville FL
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Mrs Brown gets a Bikini wax - Video Dailymotion

Absolutely hilarious Brit humor!

Fair Oaks TX
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funny or die The Frantics-Her First Period !he reactions of the other men listening in are PRICELESS!

Fair Oaks TX
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My favorite old bar joke.

Usually there's one asshole at the table. After priming the pump with a few good jokes, I break this one out and he's always on cue to step into it... "What's the difference between a bitch and a slut?" "A slut will fuck anyone...a bitch will fuck anyone but you!"

.....his friends usually appreciate the come-uppance. lol

Fair Oaks TX
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Me and a buddy were in a bar last Saturday night, drank a few. There were two very large women by the bar. They both had pretty strong accents. My buddy said: I am going to go and try and pick-up those two gals. I tried to warn him, he was seeing through his beers. He ignores me and walks up to them. So he asks: "Hey, are you two ladies from Ireland ?" One of them chirped saying, "It's WALES, you friggin' idiot!" He immediately apologized and said, "I'm sorry. Are you two whales from Ireland ?"

I was just about to dial 911 when he came to and asked: What happened?

Tulare CA
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