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Doctor: "I have good news and bad news." Patient: "What's the good news?" Doctor: "You have 24 hours to live." Patient: "What's the bad news?" Doctor: "I should have called you yesterday!"

Philadelphia PA
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I love the label on peanuts that says "Warning, may contain nuts."

Toledo OH
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Can we start with repealing all mandatory seatbelt laws to help clean up some problems.

Tulare CA
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Love those Darwin Award winners ;-)

Visalia CA
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I have been s aying that for years. OSHA should also be charged for the continued dumbing down of America.

Memphis TN
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I'm not saying "let's kill all the stupid people". I'm saying remove all the warning labels on everything. The problem will sort itself out soon enough.

Windermere FL
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LOL

Mounted Coast Guard.

Windermere FL
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My candidate just lost in Wisconsin's recall election. We will move on, hopefully in a more productive way. The following article indicates how upset so many people are here. Enjoy! ;-)

CANADA BRACING FOR MASSIVE INFLUX OF WISCONSIN BOAT PEOPLE

OTTAWA (The Borowitz Report) – The Canadian coast guard was on alert today, preparing for what it fears could be a massive invasion of boat people from Wisconsin.

Conor McGlindon, commander of the Royal Canadian Mounted Coast Guard (RCMCG), said that satellite photos had revealed a “substantial flotilla” in the making, as Wisconsinites prepared to flee their state for their neighbor to the North.

“Word has gotten around that we have policemen, firemen, and basic school lunches up here,” Mr. McGlindon said. “You can’t blame these boat people for seeking a better life. But we are under orders to intercept them.”

In Canada, officials fear that refugees from Wisconsin will brave the treacherous journey across Lake Superior in the hopes of giving birth to so-called “anchor babies” on Canadian soil.

Mr. McGlindon offered reporters a look at satellite photos showing the boat people larding their vessels with wheels of premium cheddar cheese, possibly in the hopes of bribing Canadian officials on Superior’s northern shore.

“We are telling all of our men that under no circumstances should they accept offerings of cheese,” he said. ”These boat people are desperate and they will try anything.”

Reports of the looming refugee crisis coincided with the release of a new poll showing that Gov. Scott Walker is now the most hated man in Wisconsin, narrowly edging Brett Favre.

Speaking at the state capitol, Gov. Walker seemed philosophical about his legacy: “I’m not worried how history will remember me, because if I have my way there won’t be any history teachers.”

Sheboygan Falls WI
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what do you get when you mix human dna with goat dna.........

kicked out of the petting zoo...:o)

West Fargo ND
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What are the last words of a redneck?

"Watch this" or "Y'all check this out"

Windermere FL
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TOPIC: Jokes and Funnies feel free to add your own
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