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TOPIC: Jokes and Funnies feel free to add your own
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A vanilla friend shared this one with me:

I have sex daily. I mean, dyslexia! Fcuk!

Visalia CA
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Polish Loan

A Polish guy walked into a bank in New York City and asked for the loan officer. He told the loan officer that he was going to Poland on business for two weeks and needed to borrow $5,000 and that he was not a depositor of the bank.

The bank officer told him that the bank would need some form of security for the loan, so the Polish guy handed over the keys to a new Ferrari. The car was parked on the street in front of the bank. The Polish guy produced the title and everything checked out.

The loan officer agreed to hold the car as collateral for the loan and apologized for having to charge 12% interest.

Later, the bank's president and its officers all enjoyed a good laugh at the "dumb" Polack for using a $250,000 Ferrari as collateral for a $5,000 loan. Then the employee of the bank drove the Ferrari into the bank's underground garage and parked it.

Two weeks later, the Polish guy returned, repaid the $5,000 and the interest of $23.07.

The loan officer said, 'Sir, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?'

The Polish guy replied: Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $23.07 and expect it to be there when I return?'

Sheboygan Falls WI
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The Afghan Quarterback: The coach had put together the perfect team for the Detroit Lions. The only thing that was missing was a good quarterback. He had scouted all the colleges and even the Canadian and European Leagues, but he couldn't find a ringer who could ensure a Super Bowl win. Then one night while watching FOX he saw a war-zone scene in Afghanistan .. In one corner of the background, he spotted a young Afghan Muslim soldier with a truly incredible arm. He threw a hand-grenade straight into a 3rd story window 50 yards away. KABOOM! He threw another hand-grenade 45 yards away, right into a chimney. KA-BLOOEY! Then he threw another at a passing car going 60 mph. BULLS-EYE! "I've got to get this guy!" coach said to himself. "He has the perfect arm!" So, he brings him to the States and teaches him the great game of football. And the Lions go on to win the Super Bowl. The young Afghan is hailed as the great hero of football, and when the coach asks him what he wants, all the young man wants is to call his mother. "Mom," he says into the phone, "I just won the Super Bowl!" "I don't want to talk to you," the old Muslim woman says. "You are not my son!" "I don't think you understand, Mother," the young man pleads. "I've won the greatest sporting event in the world. I'm here among thousands of my adoring fans." "No! Let me tell you!" his mother retorts. "At this very moment, there are gunshots all around us. The neighborhood is a pile of rubble. Your two brothers were beaten within an inch of their lives last week, and I have to keep your sister in the house so she doesn't get raped!" The old lady pauses, and then tearfully says: "I will never forgive you for making us move to Detroit!"

Tulare CA
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What is the difference between a dog and a fox? About 5 drinks.

Do you know the punishment for bigamy? Two mothers-in-law.

Philadelphia PA
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Men are like Bluetooth-he is connected to you when you are nearby, but searches for other devices when you are away...

Women are like WiFi-she sees all available devices but only connects to the strongest one...

Emeryville CA
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you think the Raiders get no respect...

I tell you, with my doctor, I don't get no respect. I told him, "I've swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills." He told me to have a few drinks and get some rest..

Emeryville CA
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The Irish Funeral: A man was leaving a convenience store with his morning coffee when he noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery. A black hearse was followed by a second black hearse about 50 feet behind the first one. Behind the second hearse was a solitary man walking a dog on a leash. Behind him, a short distance back, were about 200 men walking single file. The man couldn't stand the curiosity. He respectfully approached the man walking the dog and said:"I am so sorry for your loss, and this may be a bad time to disturb you, but I've never seen a funeral like this. Whose funeral is it?" "My wife's." 'What happened to her?" "She yelled at me and my dog attacked and killed her." He inquired further, "But who is in the second hearse?" The man answered, "My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my wife when the dog turned on her." A very poignant and touching moment of brotherhood and silence passed between the two men. "Can I borrow the dog?" The man replied, "Get in line."

Emeryville CA
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I 'am very bad when it comes to relationship it seems women alway want to argue.to wit,I walk in to a bar and this woman kept looking at me,I thought I would be stright up and ask her what she wanted,so I said "due want to fuck" and she said " your place or mine", see I didn't know her for ten seconds and she wants to argue......don't keep you head under the sheets when the gas is being pasted out.......BS

Kingston TN
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weekend was boring

ass is not

Danville VT
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RDY, I have to protest. It's just plain not fair when a gorgeous, sexy woman with breasts like yours, wearing a shirt down off her shoulder like your picture says "Tee Hee". It embarrasses guys like me at work.

Danville VT
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TOPIC: Jokes and Funnies feel free to add your own