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Ok, so what is the best job in the world?.... Getting a blow job....

Tulare CA
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A man and his wife were awakened at 3:00 am by a loud pounding on the door.

The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.

"Not a chance," says the husband, it is 3:00 in the morning!"

He slams the door and returns to bed.

"Who was that?" asked his wife.

"Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers.

"Did you help him?" she asks.

"No, I did not, it is 3:00 in the morning and it is pouring rain out there!"

"Well, you have a short memory," says his wife.

"Can't you remember about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself! God loves drunk people too."

The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain.

He calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?"

"Yes," comes back the answer.

"Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband.

"Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark.

"Where are you?" asks the husband.

"Over here - on the swing set," replied the drunk.

San Antonio TX
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Holy HELL..

ww w.justinian. com.au/storage/pdf/Daubney_R_Baker.pdf

This is a court transcript between a belligerent defendant and a much too patient judge in Australian court. It is far too long to cut and paste here, but it's ridiculous.

Windermere FL
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Longtime Dodger manager Tommy Lasorda on one of his poorer hitting players "He couldn't hit water if he fell out of a boat"

Danville VT
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Poland's worst air disaster occurred Yesterday when a small two-seat Cessna crashed into a cemetery. Polish search and rescue workers have recovered 826 bodies so far and expect that number to increase as the search for survivors continues.

Philadelphia PA
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Doctor: "I have good news and bad news." Patient: "What's the good news?" Doctor: "You have 24 hours to live." Patient: "What's the bad news?" Doctor: "I should have called you yesterday!"

Philadelphia PA
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I love the label on peanuts that says "Warning, may contain nuts."

Toledo OH
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Can we start with repealing all mandatory seatbelt laws to help clean up some problems.

Tulare CA
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Love those Darwin Award winners ;-)

Visalia CA
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I have been s aying that for years. OSHA should also be charged for the continued dumbing down of America.

Memphis TN
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TOPIC: Jokes and Funnies feel free to add your own
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