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TOPIC: Jokes_and_Funnies_feel_free_to_add_your_own
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This couple out on a date get a flat tire while driving along on a snowy night. They guy gets out to change the tire, but he doesn't have any gloves so before long he gets back in the car with the job half-done, his hands blue from the cold. "Put your hands between my legs to warm them up," offers his gal. So he does, then gets out to finish the job. It's so cold, however, that he has to come back one more time to warm his hands, again between her legs. Finally, he finishes the job and gets back into the car, and is about to put the key into the ignition when she asks, "Aren't your ears cold?"

Philadelphia PA
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Bill the sperm was always teased by the other sperm. He works out, eats healthy and is always keeping in shape. The other sperm tease him but he just replies, "it only takes on of us to reach the egg and produce a human being. I intend to be that one!!"

So the day finally cums. All of the sperm can feel the anticipation. So, the pace is picking up and all of a sudden they are off. Bill is in way in the lead when all of a sudden he stops. Looking petrified and running back towards the other sperm he yells, " go back!! go back". It's only a blow job!!

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What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?

Doughnuts.

Philadelphia PA
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Q: What does it mean when a hooker offers you the Mitt Romney special?

A: For an extra $20 she'll change positions

~~~~~

Barack Obama walks into a bar with a duck. The bartender asks, “Where did you get the jackass?” Barack looks puzzled and replies, “It’s a duck.” The bartender says, “I was talking to the duck.”

Long Beach CA
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good one Sexus :)

Happens to be true in most cases....lol

Philadelphia PA
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the fifty IQ guy probably isn't.

So Romney and Ryan are flying over Kansas in one of Romney's private jets. At thirty thousand feet all engines fail. Plane goes down. Q: Who hits first, Rom or Ry?

A: Who cares?

Danville VT
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Guy goes into a bar in Louisiana where there's a robot bartender! The robot says, "What will you have?" The guy says, "Whiskey." The robot brings back his drink and says to the man, "What's your IQ?" The guy says, "168." The robot then proceeds to talk about physics, space exploration and medical technology.

The guy leaves, . . . but he is curious . . . So he goes back into the bar. The robot bartender says, "What will you have?" The guy says, "Whiskey." Again, the robot brings the man his drink and says, "What's your IQ?" The guy says, "100." The robot then starts to talk about NASCAR, Budweiser, the Saints and LSU Tigers.

The guy leaves, but finds it very interesting, so he thinks he will try it one more time. He goes back into the bar. The robot says, "What will you have?" The guy says, "Whiskey," and the robot brings him his whiskey. The robot then says, "What's your IQ?" The guy says, "Uh, about 50."

The robot leans in real close and says, "SO, . . . you people . . . still happy . . . with Obama?"

San Antonio TX
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A grasshopper walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I have a drink named after you". The grasshopper responds, "you have a drink named Steve?"

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An Alabama pastor said to his congregation, "Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the Ku Klux Klan. This is a horrible lie and one which a Christian community cannot tolerate. I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this. Now, I want the party who said this to stand and ask forgiveness from God and this Christian family."

No one moved.

The preacher continued, "Do you have the nerve to face me and admit this is a falsehood? Remember, you will be forgiven and in your heart you will feel glory. Now stand and confess your transgression."

Again, all was quiet.

Then, slowly, a drop-dead gorgeous blonde with a body that would stop a runaway train rose from the third pew. Her head was bowed and her voice quivered as she spoke, "Reverend, there has been a terrible misunderstanding. I never said you were a member of the Ku Klux Klan. I simply told a couple of my friends that you were a wizard under the sheets." The preacher fell to his knees, his wife fainted, and the congregation roared.

Life is Short, Smile

Tulare CA
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Two recently incarcerated inmates were in the prison shower area. As it happens, both gentlemen had tattoos on their penises that read W..y in the flaccid state.

The smaller of the gentlemen said "Wow...we must both have wives named 'Wendy'"!

The larger of the gentlemen looked quizzical for a moment, laughed and replied--"No, mon, mine says 'Welcome to Jamaica. Have a nice day.'".....

Atlanta GA
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TOPIC: Jokes and Funnies feel free to add your own
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