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TOPIC: Jokes_and_Funnies_feel_free_to_add_your_own
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A father buys a lie detector robot that slaps people when they lie. He decides to test it out at dinner one night.

The father asks his son what he did that afternoon. The son says, "I did some schoolwork." The robot slaps the son.

The son says, "Ok, Ok. I was at a friend's house watching movies." Dad asks, "What movie did you watch?" Son says, "Toy Story." The robot slaps the son.

Son says, "Ok, Ok, we were watching porn." Dad says, "What?! At your age I didn't even know what porn was." The robot slaps the father.

Mom laughs and says, "Well, he certainly is your son." The robot slaps the mother.

ROBOT FOR SALE!

Thornton CO
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Lol

Windermere FL
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On a bitterly cold winter morning a husband and wife in Boulder were listening to the radio during breakfast. They heard the announcer say, "We are going to have 8 to 10 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even-numbered side of the street, so the snow plows can get through.â€쳌 So the good wife went out and moved her car. A week later while they are eating breakfast again, the radio announcer said, "We are expecting 10 to 12 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the odd-numbered side of the street, so the snow plows can get through." The good wife went out and moved her car again. The next week they are again having breakfast, when the radio announcer says, "We are expecting 12 to 14 inches of snow today. You must park . . . " Then the electric power went out. The good wife was very upset, and with a worried look on her face she said, "I don't know what to do. Which side of the street do I need to park on so the snow plows can get through?" Then with the love and understanding in his voice that all men who are married to blondes exhibit, the husband replied, "Why don't you just leave the car in the garage this time." .

Thornton CO
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Slightly embarrassing e-mail from customer service department:

Thank you for your order from our sex shop.

You asked for the large red dildo as featured on our wall.

Please select another product, that is our Fire Extinguisher.

Oak Ridge NC
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I talked to a homeless man this morning and asked him how he ended up this way.

He said, "Up until last week, I still had it all. I had plenty to eat, my clothes were washed and pressed, I had a roof over my head, I had TV and Internet, and I went to the gym, the pool, and the library. I was working on my MBA on-line. I had no bills and no debt. I even had full medical coverage."

I felt sorry for him, so I asked, "What happened? Drugs? Alcohol? Divorce?"

"Oh no, nothing like that," he said. "No, no.... I was paroled." .

Thornton CO
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Did you hear...?

The Energizer Bunny was arrested.

He has been charged with battery.

Windermere FL
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A female archaeologists found an artifact while digging on the island of crete. She boxed it up an sent it to the Smithsonian institute for verification. She placed a note in the box that said, "WHAT I THINK I'VE FOUND IS THE PETRIFIED PENIS OF A PAST PERSIAN PRIEST" After analysis the Smithsonian institute sent a letter back to her stating, "What you thought was the PETRIFIED PENIS OF A PAST PERSIAN PRIEST was really where a CRETION CREATURE CREPT INTO THE CRYPT AND CRAPPED."

Hanford CA
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She asked her husband for $4,000 for a boob job. He said hell no...just rub some toilet paper between your tits and they will start getting bigger. She said that won't. He hell yes..it worked on you ass.

Hanford CA
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OMG VA I've never seen that one before .....good one

One night a man and a woman are both at a bar knocking back a few beers. They start talking and come to realize that they're both doctors. After about an hour, the man says to the woman, "Hey. How about if we sleep together tonight. No strings attached. It'll just be one night of fun." The woman doctor agrees to it.

So they go back to her place and he goes in the bedroom. She goes in the bathroom and starts scrubbing up like she's about to go into the operating room. She scrubs for a good 10 minutes. Finally she goes in the bedroom and they have sex for an hour or so.

Afterwards, the man says to the woman, "You're a surgeon, aren't you?" "Yeah, how did you know?" The man says, "I could tell by the way you scrubbed up before we started." "Oh, that makes sense", says the woman. " You're an anesthesiologist aren't you?" "Yeah", says the man , a bit surprised. "How did you know?" The woman answers, "Because I didn't feel a thing."

Oak Ridge NC
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I think this has been posted before, but it's good:

A 30-something man meets an attractive, 50-something woman at a bar. After some flirting, she asks him if he'd ever consider a mother-daughter threesome.

"Hell yes!" he says.

He goes home with her.. she leads him to a bedroom and nudges the lump on the bed.

"Hey Mom! I've got one!"

Windermere FL
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TOPIC: Jokes and Funnies feel free to add your own
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