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TOPIC: Jokes and Funnies feel free to add your own
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What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?

Doughnuts.

Philadelphia PA
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Q: What does it mean when a hooker offers you the Mitt Romney special?

A: For an extra $20 she'll change positions

~~~~~

Barack Obama walks into a bar with a duck. The bartender asks, “Where did you get the jackass?” Barack looks puzzled and replies, “It’s a duck.” The bartender says, “I was talking to the duck.”

Long Beach CA
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good one Sexus :)

Happens to be true in most cases....lol

Philadelphia PA
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the fifty IQ guy probably isn't.

So Romney and Ryan are flying over Kansas in one of Romney's private jets. At thirty thousand feet all engines fail. Plane goes down. Q: Who hits first, Rom or Ry?

A: Who cares?

Danville VT
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Guy goes into a bar in Louisiana where there's a robot bartender! The robot says, "What will you have?" The guy says, "Whiskey." The robot brings back his drink and says to the man, "What's your IQ?" The guy says, "168." The robot then proceeds to talk about physics, space exploration and medical technology.

The guy leaves, . . . but he is curious . . . So he goes back into the bar. The robot bartender says, "What will you have?" The guy says, "Whiskey." Again, the robot brings the man his drink and says, "What's your IQ?" The guy says, "100." The robot then starts to talk about NASCAR, Budweiser, the Saints and LSU Tigers.

The guy leaves, but finds it very interesting, so he thinks he will try it one more time. He goes back into the bar. The robot says, "What will you have?" The guy says, "Whiskey," and the robot brings him his whiskey. The robot then says, "What's your IQ?" The guy says, "Uh, about 50."

The robot leans in real close and says, "SO, . . . you people . . . still happy . . . with Obama?"

San Antonio TX
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A grasshopper walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I have a drink named after you". The grasshopper responds, "you have a drink named Steve?"

Saint John IN
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An Alabama pastor said to his congregation, "Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the Ku Klux Klan. This is a horrible lie and one which a Christian community cannot tolerate. I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this. Now, I want the party who said this to stand and ask forgiveness from God and this Christian family."

No one moved.

The preacher continued, "Do you have the nerve to face me and admit this is a falsehood? Remember, you will be forgiven and in your heart you will feel glory. Now stand and confess your transgression."

Again, all was quiet.

Then, slowly, a drop-dead gorgeous blonde with a body that would stop a runaway train rose from the third pew. Her head was bowed and her voice quivered as she spoke, "Reverend, there has been a terrible misunderstanding. I never said you were a member of the Ku Klux Klan. I simply told a couple of my friends that you were a wizard under the sheets." The preacher fell to his knees, his wife fainted, and the congregation roared.

Life is Short, Smile

Tulare CA
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Two recently incarcerated inmates were in the prison shower area. As it happens, both gentlemen had tattoos on their penises that read W..y in the flaccid state.

The smaller of the gentlemen said "Wow...we must both have wives named 'Wendy'"!

The larger of the gentlemen looked quizzical for a moment, laughed and replied--"No, mon, mine says 'Welcome to Jamaica. Have a nice day.'".....

Atlanta GA
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New Rule: Scientists must explain how it's possible that the tiny island country of Jamaica can, at the same time, possess all the most stoned people in the world, and all the fastest people in the world.

~Bill Maher

Emeryville CA
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Two couples were playing poker one evening. Jim accidentally dropped some cards on the floor. When he bent down under the table to pick them up, he noticed Les's wife, Sue, wasn't wearing any underwear under her dress! Shocked by this, Jim upon trying to sit back up again, hit his head on the table and emerged red-faced.

Later, Jim went to the kitchen to get some refreshments. Les's wife followed and asked, 'Did you see anything that you like under there?' Surprised by her boldness, Jim admitted that, well indeed he did. She said, 'Well, you can have it but it will cost you £200.'

After taking a minute or two to assess the financial and moral costs of this offer, Jim confirms that he is interested.

Sue told him that since her husband Les played golf Friday afternoons and Jim didn't, Jim should be at her house around 2PM. Friday afternoon.

When Friday rolled around, Jim showed up at Les's house at 2PM. sharp and after paying Sue the agreed sum of £200 - they went to the bedroom, and closed their transaction, as agreed.

Jim quickly dressed and left.

As usual, Les came home from golf at 6pm. And upon arriving, asked his wife: 'Did Jim come by the house this afternoon?'

With a lump in her throat Sue answered Why yes, he did stop by for a few minutes this afternoon.' Her heart nearly skipped a beat when her husband curtly asked, 'And did he give you £200?'

Sue, using her best poker face, replied, Well, yes, in fact he did give me £200.

Les, with a satisfied look on his face, surprised his wife by saying, 'He came by the golf club this morning and borrowed £200 from me. He promised he'd stop by our house this afternoon on his way home and pay me back.'

Now THAT, my friends, is a poker player ......

Emeryville CA
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TOPIC: Jokes and Funnies feel free to add your own