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TOPIC: Jokes_and_Funnies_feel_free_to_add_your_own
Created by: DestinFlCp
Original Starting post for this thread:
Rick is in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really angry. She told him " Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in less than 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE!! "

The next morning Rick got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway . Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, and brought the box back in the house. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale. Rick has been missing since Friday. Please pray for him

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I love porn advertisements.

After all, you can't spell advertisements without semen between the tits.

Lewisville NC
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Two peanuts were walking down the road and one was assaulted!

Clarkston MI
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When a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment.

When a woman talks dirty to a man . . . it's $4.95 a minute.

Lewisville NC
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My silence does not mean your sexual performance left me speechless

similar to

Five minutes of begging is not considered foreplay

Lewisville NC
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Barry returned from a doctor's visit one day and told his wife that the doctor said he only had 24 hours to live. Wiping away her tears, he asked her to make love with him. Of course she agreed and they made passionate love. Later, Barry was getting into bed when he realised he now had only eight hours of life left. He touched her shoulder and said, "Honey? Please? Just one more time before I die." She agreed, then afterward she rolled over and fell asleep. Barry, however, heard the clock ticking in his head, and he tossed and turned until he was down to only four more hours. He tapped his wife on the shoulder to wake her up. "Honey, I only have four hours left! Could we...?" His wife sat up abruptly, turned to him and said, "Listen Barry, I'm not being funny... but I have to get up in the morning and you don't."

Fair Oaks TX
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Why does it take longer to fly from a Naval Air Base to an Air Force Base than is does to fly from an Air Force Base to a Naval Air Station.

Cause the Navy sucks and the Air Force blows.

Hanford CA
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What did Michael Jackson's house have in common with a Kmart sale? Answer--Boys' pants half-off.

Kennesaw GA
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what are a pirate's favorite 2 letters?

Rrrrrrrrrrr

and

C

(ba da bump)

Bridgewater NJ
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Off I go to get ready for a new week since I just got my chuckle of the day AND my smh moment. I love when people troll around and look for trolls to point out to everyone else, that person is a troll. Honey, when YOU block someone, you are technically saying I don't want to see that person's post, I don't want to read what they have to say , I want that person out of my thoughts and mind. And yet YOU continue to troll around and post about them, under the guise of "giving advice". How did you find out what they were saying? Lol....we all know. And remember, YOU don't want to read THEIR posts....they are under no obligation or contract not to comment on yours. We all know you couldn't take the heat so you ran and hid instead of making valid points. But keep on trolling by all means. Everyone gets a good laugh when we all have that "trolls that have been blocked party!

~lady~

Alpharetta GA
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Two Jewish men go to Mexico for a vacation and walk into a restaurant to get something to eat. As they sit down the one man asked the other if he thought with so many Jewish people in the world wouldn’t you think there would be Mexican Jews.

The other man looks at him and says, yes I would think there should be lots of Mexican Jews in Mexico. Let’s ask the waiter replied the man. Oh waiter, we have a question to ask you. Do you have any Mexican Jews here?

The waiter replies, please wait and I’ll ask the cook. Minutes pass and the waiter comes back and tells them no we don’t.

That’s hard to believe says the one man to the other. You must be mistaken. The waiter says that he will ask again.

The one man looks at the other and says with so many Jews In the world he has to be wrong. The other man agreed.

The waiter comes back and tells them that the cook said, We have Orange Juice, Grape Juice, Tomato Juice but, No Mexican Juice..

Somerset PA
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TOPIC: Jokes and Funnies feel free to add your own
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