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TOPIC: Jokes and Funnies feel free to add your own
Created by: DestinFlCp
Original Starting post for this thread:
Rick is in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really angry. She told him " Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in less than 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE!! "

The next morning Rick got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway . Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, and brought the box back in the house. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale. Rick has been missing since Friday. Please pray for him

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I have always questioned if Jessie Jackson and Al Sharpton were really preachers since they have no church. When I heard Al Sharpton was guest preacher at a black Houston Church, I decided to check him out in person and see what it was all about......... I sat down and Sharpton came up to me, I don't know why, maybe it was because I was the only white person in the Church. He laid his hands on my hand and said: "By the will of Jesus the Lord All Mighty, and the will of God", "you will walk today." I told him I was not paralyzed. He came back and laid his hands on me again, and repeated the same thing. Again I told him there is nothing wrong with me. After the sermon I stepped outside and lo and behold, my car had been stolen!

Thornton CO
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Now this is just a joke so all you lawyers don't get a red ass over it. My favorite nephew is a lawyer

Do you know what a crying shame is? A bus load of lawyers going over a bluff with the back seat empty Charlie

Fort Myers FL
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Uh......

Winter Garden FL
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Do yo know why I love having sex with 23 yr olds?

Because ....there is twenty of them.

Hmm

Louisville KY
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What does a 9volt battery and a asshole have in common?...............you know its wrong but you still want to put your tongue on it anyways...

Calhoun GA
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A teacher asks the kids in her 3rd grade class:

"What do you want to be when you grow up?"

LITTLE KEVIN SAYS: "I WANNA START OUT AS A MARINE PILOT, THEN BE A BILLIONAIRE, GO TO THE MOST EXPENSIVE CLUBS, FIND ME THE FINEST WHORE, GIVE HER A FERRARI WORTH OVER A MILLION BUCKS, AN APARTMENT IN COPACABANA, A MANSION IN PARIS, A JET TO TRAVEL THROUGHOUT EUROPE, AN INFINITE VISA CARD, AND ALL THE WHILE BANGING HER LIKE A LOOSE SCREEN DOOR IN A HURRICANE."

THE TEACHER, SHOCKED, AND NOT KNOWING WHAT TO DO WITH THIS HORRIBLE RESPONSE FROM LITTLE KEVIN, DECIDES NOT TO ACKNOWLEDGE WHAT HE SAID AND SIMPLY TRIES TO CONTINUE WITH THE LESSON . . . .

"And how about you, Sarah?"

"I wanna be Kevin's whore."

Anniston AL
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kibblesnbits..stole yours. Thx.

Acworth GA
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A book fell on Sean Connery's head. When asked for comment, he said:

"I can only blame my shelf...."

Winter Garden FL
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I was reading a story in the newspaper that said that 3,782,127 people got married last year and my first thought was "schould thatnot to have been an even number

Socorro TX
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I was at an Irish wedding on Sat. during the reception the DJ asked all the men in the room to stand and go be with the one person in the room that made their life worth living.

This Thursday I am going to be attending the bar tenders funeral.

Mohnton PA
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TOPIC: Jokes and Funnies feel free to add your own