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Jokes and Funnies feel free to add your own : Swingers Discussion 87618
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TOPIC: Jokes and Funnies feel free to add your own
Created by: DestinFlCp
Original Starting post for this thread:
Rick is in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really angry. She told him " Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in less than 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE!! "

The next morning Rick got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway . Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, and brought the box back in the house. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale. Rick has been missing since Friday. Please pray for him

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A teacher asks the kids in her 3rd grade class:

"What do you want to be when you grow up?"

LITTLE KEVIN SAYS: "I WANNA START OUT AS A MARINE PILOT, THEN BE A BILLIONAIRE, GO TO THE MOST EXPENSIVE CLUBS, FIND ME THE FINEST WHORE, GIVE HER A FERRARI WORTH OVER A MILLION BUCKS, AN APARTMENT IN COPACABANA, A MANSION IN PARIS, A JET TO TRAVEL THROUGHOUT EUROPE, AN INFINITE VISA CARD, AND ALL THE WHILE BANGING HER LIKE A LOOSE SCREEN DOOR IN A HURRICANE."

THE TEACHER, SHOCKED, AND NOT KNOWING WHAT TO DO WITH THIS HORRIBLE RESPONSE FROM LITTLE KEVIN, DECIDES NOT TO ACKNOWLEDGE WHAT HE SAID AND SIMPLY TRIES TO CONTINUE WITH THE LESSON . . . .

"And how about you, Sarah?"

"I wanna be Kevin's whore."

Anniston AL
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kibblesnbits..stole yours. Thx.

Acworth GA
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A book fell on Sean Connery's head. When asked for comment, he said:

"I can only blame my shelf...."

Chesapeake VA
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I was reading a story in the newspaper that said that 3,782,127 people got married last year and my first thought was "schould thatnot to have been an even number

Socorro TX
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I was at an Irish wedding on Sat. during the reception the DJ asked all the men in the room to stand and go be with the one person in the room that made their life worth living.

This Thursday I am going to be attending the bar tenders funeral.

Mohnton PA
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While at an Italian restaurant, the waitress asked if I wanted "extra virgin olive oil" with... whatever I was having.

I replied "No thanks. I'd rather have olive oil that knows what it's doing."

My mother in law laughed hysterically, but the waitress didn't seem to think it was funny at all.

Chesapeake VA
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Here's one my elderly aunt shared with me:

During a long day of looking around Cabela’s, a couple of my friends and I stopped in at ‘Hooter's for some Hot Wings and drinks. After being there for a while, one of my friends asked me which waitress I would like to be stuck in an elevator with. I told them "The one who knows how to fix elevators." I'm old, tired, and have to pee a lot.

Sheboygan Falls WI
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Easternpacouple : I love that. Awesome. I put an abbreviated and somewhat more g-rated version on facebook today and everyone loves it. Here it is in case anyone wants to be lazy and copy/paste.

An Irish woman at the doctor complains about her husband's ailing libido. He suggests Viagra, but she says "No... he'll never take that".

"Why don't you try Irish Viagra?" he says "You drop it in his coffee. He'll never know."

So the next time she goes to her doctor, she tells him what happened.

"Oh no, it was terrible. It worked almost immediately. He stood up, ripped my clothes off, and made love to me right there on the table."

"I don't understand...." the doctor asked her "didn't you enjoy it?"

"Oh hell yes." she replied "But I'll never be able to show my face at Starbucks again."

Chesapeake VA
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My wife is from Vietnam and sometimes English can cause some funny problems llike the time I went for an oil change. After paying I went back out to the car and all the guys working there were looking into my car and there was my wife setting naked. I had to explain that Lube and Go was not a dirve thru sex shop

Socorro TX
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An Irish woman of old age visited her physician to ask his advice on reviving her husband's libido. 'What about trying Viagra?' asked the doctor. 'Not a chance', she said... 'He won't even take an aspirin.' 'Not a problem,' replied the doctor. 'Give him an 'Irish Viagra'... 'What is Irish Viagra?', she asked. 'It's when you drop the Viagra tablet into his coffee. He won't even taste it. Give it a try and call me in a week to let me know how things went.. ' It was a week later when she called the doctor, who directly inquired as to her progress. The poor woman exclaimed, 'Oh, it was horrid! Just terrible, doctor!' 'Really? What happened?' asked the doctor. 'Well, I did as you advised and slipped it in his coffee and the effect was almost immediate. He jumped straight up, with a smile on his face and a twinkle in his eye. With one swoop of his arms, he ripped my clothes to tatters and took me then and there passionately on the tabletop! T'was a nightmare, I tell you, an absolute nightmare!' 'Why so terrible?' asked the doctor, 'Do you mean the sex your husband provided wasn't good?' 'It was the best sex I've had in 25 years! But sure as I'm sittin' here, I'll never be able to show me face in Starbucks again.'

Morgantown PA
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TOPIC: Jokes and Funnies feel free to add your own