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TOPIC: Jokes and Funnies feel free to add your own
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There was a guy riding through the desert on his camel. He had been travelling so long that he felt the need to have sex. Obviously there were no women in the desert so the man turned to his camel. He tried to position himself to have sex with his camel but the camel ran away. The man ran to catch up to the camel and got back on and started to ride again. Soon he was feeling the urge to have sex again so once again he turned to his camel. The camel refused by running away. So he caught up to it again and go on it again. Finally after riding the camel through the whole desert the man came to a road. There was a broken down car with three big chested beautiful blondes sitting in it. He went up to them and asked the women if they needed any help. The hottest girl said ,"If you fix our car we will do anything you want." The man luckily knew a thing or two about cars and fixed it in a flash. When he finished are three girls asked, "How could we ever repay you Mr." After thinking for a short while he replied,"Could you hold my camel?"

Destin FL
 
 
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even more, oh stop me please:

Q. What do you call it when someone farts in a gay bar? A. A love call.

Q. How do you give a blind queer a thrill? A. Leave the plunger in the toilet.

Q. How do lesbians handle their liquor? A. By the ears. (Lick her)

Q. What do tight pants and a cheap motel have in common? A. No ball room

Q. What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover? A. The position of the dirt bag.

Q. What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over? A. Doughnuts.

Q. What do you get when you put 50 lesbians and 50 politicians in a room together? A. 100 people who don't do dick.

Q. What do attorneys use for birth control? A. Their personalities.

Q. What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife? A. 45 lbs.

Q. Why does a dog lick its penis? A. Because it can't make a fist.

Q. What do you call two lesbians with their period? A. Finger painting.

Q. How do you teach a blond math? A. Subtract her clothes, divide her legs, and square root her.

Q. What did the pedophile say when he got out of jail? A. I feel like a kid again!

Q. What's the last thing Tickle Me Elmo receives before he leaves the factory? A. Two test tickles

Q. Why did God create alcohol? A. So ugly people would have a chance to have sex.

Q. What is it when a man talks dirty to a woman? A. Sexual harassment.

Q. What is it when a woman talks dirty to a man? A. $3.99 a minute.

Q. What's the speed limit of sex? A. 68 because at 69 you have to turn around.

Destin FL
 
 
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more crude sex jokes:

Q. What do you call kids born in whorehouses? A. Brothel sprouts.

Q. What's the difference between a 40 year-old man, and a 40 year-old woman? A. A 40 year-old woman dreams of having children, a 40 year-old man dreams of dating them.

Q. What's white, smells, and can be found in panties? A. Clitty litter

Q. I married Miss Right. A. I just didn't know her first name was "Always."

Q. Why is psychoanalysis quicker for men than for women? A. When it's time to go back to his childhood, he's already there.

Q. How do you know when your cat's done cleaning himself? A. He's smoking a cigarette.

Q. Did you hear about the constipated mathematician? A. He worked it out with a pencil.

Q. Who's the world's greatest athlete? A. The guy who finishes first and third in a masturbation contest.

Q. Why do men pay more for car insurance? A. Women don't get blow jobs while they're driving

Q. Why do schools in West Virginia only have Drivers Ed two days a week? A. Because they need their cars for Sex Ed the other three days a week!

Q. Three words to ruin a man's ego... A. "Is it in?"

Q. What is the cheapest meat? A. Deer balls, there under a buck.

Q. How does a guy know if he has a high sperm count? A. If the girl has to chew, before she swallows.

Q. What's in the toilet of the star ship enterprise? A. The captains log.

Q. What do you call a woman with her tongue sticking out? A. A lesbian with a hard-on.

Q. What do you get when you cross Raggedy Ann and the Pillsbury Dough Boy? A. A red headed bitch with a yeast infection.

Q. Did you hear they came out with a new lesbian shoe? A. They're called Dikes. They have an extra long tongue and only take one finger to get off!

Q. What's the difference between tampons and cowboy hats? A. Cowboy hats are for ass holes.

Destin FL
 
 
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crude sex jokes:

Q. What do a Rubix cube and a penis have in common? A. The longer you play with them, the harder they get.

Q. What does an old woman have between her breasts that a young woman doesn't? A. A navel.

Q. What is the difference between a woman and a washing machine? A. You can bung your load in a washing machine and it won't call you a week later.

Q. Why did god create Adam before he created eve? A. Because he didn't want anyone telling him how to make Adam.

Q. What is a lesbian's favorite thing to eat? A. A Klondike Bar

Q. What did the elephant say to the naked man? A. "How do you breath through something so small?"

Q. Why don't women wear watches? A. There's a clock on the stove!

Q. What doesn't belong in this list : Meat, Eggs, Wife, Blowjob? A. Blowjob: You can beat your meat, eggs or wife, but you can't beat a blowjob.

Q. Have you heard about the new super-sensitive condoms? A. They hang around after the man leaves and talks to the woman.

Q. What's worse than getting raped by Jack the Ripper? A. Getting fingered by Captain Hook.

Q. What do a walrus and Tupperware have in common? A. They both like a tight seal.

Q. What's the difference between a wife and a wheelie bin? A. You only have to take out a wheelie bin once a week.

Q. What did the two lesbian frogs say to each other? A. WE DO TASTE LIKE CHICKEN!

Q. What did the banana say to the vibrator? A. Why are you shaking she's going to eat me.

Q. What would happen if the Pilgrims had killed cats instead of turkeys? A. We'd eat pussy every Thanksgiving.

Q. What's the difference between love and herpes? A. Love doesn't last forever.

Q. How do you make your girlfriend scream while having sex? A. Call her and tell her.

Q. A man noticed that his credit card had been stolen but didn't report it. A. The thief was spending less then his wife.

Q. Why do women have small feet? A. So they can stand closer to the kitchen sink.

Q. Why do men die before their wives? A. They want to.

Q. How do men sort out their laundry? A. Filthy, and filthy but wearable.

Q. What's the difference between a man and ET? A. ET phoned home.

Q. Why haven't they sent a woman to the moon yet? A. It doesn't need cleaning.

Q. Why is a pap smear called a pap smear? A. Because women wouldn't do them if they were called cunt scrapes.

Q. What's the difference between your paycheck and your cock? A. You don't have to beg your wife to blow your paycheck!

Destin FL
 
 
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Thank you, thank you...now off to a poker tourney!

Destin FL
 
 
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Doctor Dave had slept with one of his patients and felt guilty all day long. No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he just couldn't. The guilt and sense of betrayal was overwhelming. But every once in a while he'd hear an internal, reassuring voice in his head that said:

"Dave, don't worry about it. You aren't the first medical practitioner to sleep with one of their patients, and you won't be the last. And you're single. Just let it go, Dave."

But invariably another voice in his head would bring him back to reality, whispering:

"Dave..... Dave..... Dave, you sick bastard You're a vet."

Destin FL
 
 
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A man is stranded on a deserted island, all alone for ten years. One day a gorgeous blonde woman wearing a wet suit and scuba suit arrives at the island. She comes up to the chap and she says, "How long has it been since you had a cigarette?"

"Ten years!" he answers. She reaches over, unzips the waterproof pocket on her left sleeve and pulls out a pack of fresh cigarettes. He takes one, lights it, takes a long drag and says, "Man, oh man! Is that good!"

Then she asks, "How long has it been since you had a whisky?"

He replies, "Ten years!" She reaches over, unzips her waterproof pocket on the right, pulls out a bottle of malt whisky and gives it to him. He takes a long swallow and says, "Wow, that is fantastic!"

Then she starts unzipping this long zipper that runs down the front of her wet suit and she says to him, "And how long has it been since you had some real fun?"

And the man replies, "My God! Don't tell me you've got golf clubs in there!"

East Ridge TN
 
 
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MORE rude comments ************************ I don't know what makes you so stupid, but it really works!

I don't think you are a fool. But then what's MY opinion against thousands of others?

I hear the only place you're ever invited is outside.

I hear you were born on a farm. Any more in the litter?

I heard you got a brain transplant and the brain rejected you!

I heard you went to have your head examined but the doctors found nothing there.

I know you are nobody's fool but maybe someone will adopt you.

I thought of you all day today. I was at the zoo.

I would ask you how old you are but I know you can't count that high.

I'd like to help you out. Which way did you come in?

I'd like to leave you with one thought...but I'm not sure you have anywhere to put it!

I'd love to go out with you, but my favorite commercial is on TV.

I'll never forget the first time we met - although I'll keep trying.

I'm busy now. Can I ignore you some other time?

I've seen people like you before, but I had to pay admission!

If I ever need a brain transplant, I'd choose yours because I'd want a brain that had never been used.

If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person alive.

If we were to kill everybody who hates you, it wouldn't be murder; it would be genocide!

If what you don't know can't hurt you, she's invulnerable.

If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean.

If your brain was chocolate it wouldn't fill an M&M.

Keep talking, someday you'll say something intelligent.

Learn from your parents' mistakes - use birth control!

Pardon me, but you've obviously mistaken me for someone who gives a damn.

So, a thought crossed your mind? Must have been a long and lonely journey.

Some day you will find yourself - and wish you hadn't.

There is no vaccine against stupidity.

East Ridge TN
 
 
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funny insults ************* GENERALLY RUDE THINGS TO SAY

Any similarity between you and a human is purely coincidental!

Anyone who told you to be yourself couldn't have given you worse advice.

Are your parents siblings?

As an outsider, what do you think of the human race?

Better at sex than anyone; now all he needs is a partner.

Calling you stupid would be an insult to stupid people.

Did your parents ever ask you to run away from home?

Do you ever wonder what life would be like if you'd had enough oxygen at birth?

Do you want people to accept you as you are or do you want them to like you?

Don't you have a terribly empty feeling - in your skull?

Do you still love nature, despite what it did to you?

Don't you need a license to be that ugly?

Every girl has the right to be ugly, but you abused the privilege!

Go ahead, tell them everything you know. It'll only take 10 seconds.

Have you considered suing your brains for non-support?

He has a mind like a steel trap - always closed!

He is living proof that man can live without a brain!

He is the kind of a man that you would use as a blueprint to build an idiot.

He's not stupid; he's possessed by a retarded ghost.

Here's 20 cents. Call all your friends and bring back some change!

Hi! I'm a human being! What are you?

How did you get here? Did someone leave your cage open?

I'd like to see things from your point of view but I can't seem to get my head that far up my ass.

I bet your brain feels as good as new, seeing that you've never used it.

I bet your mother has a loud bark!

I could make a monkey out of you, but why should I take all the credit?

I don't consider you a vulture. I consider you something a vulture would eat.

East Ridge TN
 
 
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A convicted felon was given ten years without parole for his latest crime. After 2 years in jail, he managed to escape. His escape was the lead item on the six o'clock news.

Because he had to be careful, he worked his way home taking little travelled routes, running across deserted fields and taking every precaution he could think of.

Eventually he arrived at his house and he rang the bell.

His wife opened the door and bellowed at him, "You good-for-nothing bum! Where the hell have ya been? You escaped over six hours ago."

East Ridge TN
 
 
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TOPIC: Jokes and Funnies feel free to add your own