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TOPIC: Jokes and Funnies feel free to add your own
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Know the difference between a rooster and a nympho? Rooster says "cock a doodle doo" nympho says "any cock'll do"

Mcallen TX
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glad I read that before lunch. Helps me keep my svelte figure.

Danville VT
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lol reminds me of a birdie mail I got last year. Dude said something to the effect that when his granny took her teeth out it was really something special.

Mcallen TX
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I LOVE older women, but eeewwwww!

New Orleans LA
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A beautiful 50-something woman was living it up in a wild club, dancing and enjoying the night. She found herself drawn into a rather risqué dance with a gorgeous younger man, and when they were done the sexual tension was nearly palpable. Deciding that they needed to cool down, the pair went to the bar for a drink. One drink quickly turned into two, and then three, and then four. They were getting along fabulously, so the young man was no surprised when she asked him to go home with her and he quickly agreed. On the way to her home, she was all over him. Kissing up his neck, she whispered into his ear "Have you ever had a threesome with a mother and daughter before?" surprised, he quickly answered "No!" Sliding her hand teasingly up his thigh, she murmured against his lips "Would you like to?" His mind went wild! If the mom was this hot, the daughter must really be something. He couldn't wait to see her, and so he nodded his agreement. She smiled when they arrived, drawing him from the car and into her house. As she lead him up the stairs, she threw a wink over her shoulder and called "Mom, are you still awake? I brought you something. Your teeth are in the glass by the phone."

Winter Garden FL
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A young boy asks his Dad: Dad what is in between Moms legs?

Dad: Paradise son!

Boy: What is in between your legs Dad?

Dad: The key to paradise son.

Boy: Well you better change your key because the Postman has a duplicate key.

Houston TX
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What do you call a Nun in a wheelchair?

Virgin Mobile.

Yes I stole that!!

Houston TX
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A high school English teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. She tells the class there would be no excuse for not showing up, except for serious injury, illness, or a death in the student's immediate family.

A smart-ass jock in the back of the room asks, "What about extreme sexual exhaustion?" The entire class does its best to stifle their laughter and snickering.

When silence is restored, the teacher smiles sympathetically at the student, shakes her head, and sweetly says,

"Not an excuse, write with your other hand."

San Antonio TX
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A Republican man in a wheelchair entered a restaurant one afternoon and asked the waitress for a cup of coffee. He looked across the restaurant and asked, "Is that Jesus sitting over there?" The waitress nodded "yes," so the Republican requested that she give Jesus a cup of coffee, on him.

The next patron to come in was a Libertarian, with a hunched back. He shuffled over to a booth, painfully sat down, and asked the waitress for a cup of hot tea. He also glanced across the restaurant and asked, "Is that Jesus, over there?" The waitress nodded, so the Libertarian asked her to give Jesus a cup of hot tea, "My treat."

The third patron to come into the restaurant was a Democrat on crutches. He hobbled over to a booth, sat down and hollered, "Hey there honey! How's about gettin' me a cold mug of Budweiser?" He too looked across the restaurant and asked, "Isn't that God's boy over there? The waitress nodded, so the Democrat directed her to give him a cold beer. "On my tab," he said loudly.

As Jesus got up to leave, he passed by the Republican, touched him and said, "For your kindness, you are healed." The Republican felt strength come back into his legs, got up, and walked out the door, thankful to Jesus.

Jesus passed by the Libertarian, touched him and said, "For your kindness, you are healed." The Libertarian felt his back straightening, and grateful to the Lord, he raised his hands, praised the Lord, and walked out the door.

Then, Jesus walked towards the Democrat, just smiling. (I don't care what party you like, this one's funny!) The Democrat jumped up and yelled, "Don't touch me...I'm collecting disability."

Shamokin PA
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The Mexican maid asked for a pay increase. The wife was very upset about this and decided to talk to her about the raise.

She asked: "Now Maria, why do you want a pay increase?"

Maria: "Well, Senora, there are tree reasons why I wanna increaze."

"The first is that I iron better than you."

Wife: "Who said you iron better than me?"

Maria: "Jor huzban he say so."

Wife: "Oh yeah?"

Maria: "The second reason eez that I am a better cook than you."

Wife: "Nonsense, who said you were a better cook than me?"

Maria: "Jor hozban did."

Wife increasingly agitated, "Oh he did did he???"

Maria: "The third reason is that I am better at sex than you in the bed."

Wife, really boiling now and through gritted teeth.

"And did my husband say that as well?"

Maria: "No Senora......., The gardener did."

Wife: "So how much do you want?"

Mcallen TX
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(10727 posts)
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TOPIC: Jokes and Funnies feel free to add your own