Help
FORUMS › General Discussions › Jokes and Funnies › Jokes and Funnies feel free to add your own
TOPIC: Jokes_and_Funnies_feel_free_to_add_your_own
Created by: DestinFlCp
Original Starting post for this thread:
Rick is in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really angry. She told him " Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in less than 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE!! "

The next morning Rick got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway . Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, and brought the box back in the house. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale. Rick has been missing since Friday. Please pray for him

1  2  3  4  5  6  7  8  9  10  ... 72  Next »
1 to 10 of 713
User Details are only visible to members.
She asked her husband for $4,000 for a boob job. He said hell no...just rub some toilet paper between your tits and they will start getting bigger. She said that won't. He hell yes..it worked on you ass.

Hanford CA
Username hidden
(183 posts)
User Details are only visible to members.
OMG VA I've never seen that one before .....good one

One night a man and a woman are both at a bar knocking back a few beers. They start talking and come to realize that they're both doctors. After about an hour, the man says to the woman, "Hey. How about if we sleep together tonight. No strings attached. It'll just be one night of fun." The woman doctor agrees to it.

So they go back to her place and he goes in the bedroom. She goes in the bathroom and starts scrubbing up like she's about to go into the operating room. She scrubs for a good 10 minutes. Finally she goes in the bedroom and they have sex for an hour or so.

Afterwards, the man says to the woman, "You're a surgeon, aren't you?" "Yeah, how did you know?" The man says, "I could tell by the way you scrubbed up before we started." "Oh, that makes sense", says the woman. " You're an anesthesiologist aren't you?" "Yeah", says the man , a bit surprised. "How did you know?" The woman answers, "Because I didn't feel a thing."

Clemmons NC
Username hidden
(4302 posts)
User Details are only visible to members.
I think this has been posted before, but it's good:

A 30-something man meets an attractive, 50-something woman at a bar. After some flirting, she asks him if he'd ever consider a mother-daughter threesome.

"Hell yes!" he says.

He goes home with her.. she leads him to a bedroom and nudges the lump on the bed.

"Hey Mom! I've got one!"

Windermere FL
Username hidden
(26532 posts)
User Details are only visible to members.
A Irishman comes home stinkin' drunk from the pub:

Wife "Look at ya' now Paddy O'Shea, drunk ya' are, drunk as drunk can be! For damn sure you're too drunk to have drove our car home!" Paddy O'Shea "Well, that shows how much you know, Mary O'Shea, I didn't drive the car home! I took the fookin' bus, I did." Wife "Praise Jesus, Mary, and Joseph, Paddy O'Shea! T'was the bus ya' say ya' took? Paddy O'Shea "That's right Mary O'Shea, I didn't drive the car. I took a bus.................T'was the first time I ever drove a bus."

Slidell LA
Username hidden
(21 posts)
User Details are only visible to members.
A new funny man....welcome to the funhouse

A woman participating in a survey was asked how she felt about condoms. She said, "Depends on what's in it for me."

Clemmons NC
Username hidden
(4302 posts)
User Details are only visible to members.
What does a Thesaurus eat for breakfast? Synonym buns. Apologies to all.

Slidell LA
Username hidden
(21 posts)
User Details are only visible to members.
A husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop with their nine children. A blind man joins them after a few minutes. When the bus arrives, they find it overloaded and only the wife and the nine kids are able to fit onto the bus.

So the husband and the blind man decide to walk. After a while, the husband gets irritated by the ticking of the stick of the blind man as he taps it on the sidewalk, and says to him, "Why don't you put a piece of rubber at the end of your stick? That ticking sound is driving me crazy."

The blind man replies, "If you would've put a rubber at the end of YOUR stick, we'd be riding the bus. so shut the fuck up."

Clemmons NC
Username hidden
(4302 posts)
User Details are only visible to members.
kellyjean...your funny..

Calhoun GA
Username hidden
(95 posts)
User Details are only visible to members.
Little boy has diarrhea and tells his mom he needs viagra

Mom replies " What the hell for?"

Boy replies "Isn't that what you give dad when his shit doesn't get hard?"

Clemmons NC
Username hidden
(4302 posts)
User Details are only visible to members.
I first heard that when Meg Ryan told it to Dennis Quaid in "D.O.A.".

Windermere FL
Username hidden
(26532 posts)
1  2  3  4  5  6  7  8  9  10  ... 72  Next »
1 to 10 of 713
TOPIC: Jokes and Funnies feel free to add your own
This site does not contain sexually explicit images as defined in 18 U.S.C. 2256.
Accordingly, neither this site nor the contents contained herein are covered by the record-keeping provisions of 18 USC 2257(a)-(c).
Disclaimer: This website contains adult material. You must be over 18 to enter or 21 where applicable by law.
All Members are over 18 years of age.
Terms of Use | Privacy Policy
 
Copyright © 1998-2016 DashBoardHosting, LLC. All Rights Reserved.