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TOPIC: Jokes_and_Funnies_feel_free_to_add_your_own
Created by: DestinFlCp
Original Starting post for this thread:
Rick is in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really angry. She told him " Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in less than 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE!! "

The next morning Rick got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway . Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, and brought the box back in the house. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale. Rick has been missing since Friday. Please pray for him

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What's the difference between a Redneck and a Good Ol' Boy? A redneck will screw sheep, but a Good Ol' Boy will get emotionally attached!

Rialto CA
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A tall handsome cowboy rolls into Los Angeles from Texas. After the long flight he's feeling horny and restless. Driving down the Suset strip he notices a tall hot blonde built like a brick house. "Where are you from cowboy?" Texas he says. She jumps into the car and they make their way to a local motel room. After entering the room she tells him to take off his hat. "Wow, that's a big hat!" Everything's big in Texas mam! She then asked him to take off his boots and throw them into the corner. "Those are relly big boots you have!" Everything's big in Texas mam! He then strips down, his big 12" cock rolls from his underwear damn near to his leg! "Oh my god!" "That's the biggest cock I've ever seen!" Like I said, everything's big in Texas mam! She jumps up on the bed with shear enthusiasm, spreads her legs and says, "why don't you climb up here and mount me cowboy!" He slides his giant annaconda into her box and begins slamming away, when a big grin comes across his face and says, "so, what part of Texas are you from mam?"

Rialto CA
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WHAT THE HELL??

I was in Walmart using a public restroom and just as I began to pee, a voice from the next stall said, “Hi! How are you?” Embarrassed... I said, “I’m alright !

The voice said, "So what are you up to?” I said, “Just doing the same as you, ...I guess!”

Then I hear, “Can I come over?” Annoyed... I said “Yoo, what the f*ck?!?!."

Then the voice said, “Listen, I will have to call you back, there’s an idiot in the next stall answering all my questions!"

Clemmons NC
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Too funny Ms KJ. You've outdone yourself again.

Tramp

Alpharetta GA
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A New Orleans lawyer sought an FHA loan for a client. He was told the loan would be granted if he could prove satisfactory title to a parcel of property being offered as collateral. The title to the property dated back to 1803, which took the lawyer three months to track down. After sending the information to the FHA, he received the following reply.

"Upon review of your letter adjoining your client's loan application, we note that the request is supported by an Abstract of Title. While we compliment the able manner in which you have prepared and presented the application, we must point out that you have only cleared title to the proposed collateral property back to 1803. Before final approval can be accorded, it will be necessary to clear the title back to its origin."

Annoyed, the lawyer responded as follows:

"Your letter regarding title in Case No. 189156 has been received. I note that you wish to have title extended further than the 194 years covered by the present application.

I was unaware that any educated person in this country, particularly those working in the property area, would not know that Louisiana was purchased, by the U.S., from France in 1803, the year of origin identified in our application.

For the edification of uninformed FHA bureaucrats, the title to the land prior to U.S. ownership was obtained from France, which had acquired it by Right of Conquest from Spain. The land came into the possession of Spain by Right of Discovery made in the year 1492 by a sea captain named Christopher Columbus, who had been granted the privilege of seeking a new route to India by the Spanish monarch, Isabella.

The good queen, Isabella, being a pious woman and almost as careful about titles as the FHA, took the precaution of securing the blessing of the Pope before she sold her jewels to finance Columbus' expedition. Now the Pope, as I'm sure you may know, is the emissary of Jesus Christ, the son of God, and God, it is commonly accepted, created this world.

Therefore, I believe it is safe to presume that God also made that part of the world called Louisiana. God, therefore, would be the owner of origin and His origins date back, to before the beginning of time, the world as we know it, AND the FHA. I hope you find God's original claim to be satisfactory.

Now, may we have our damn loan?"

The loan was approved

Clemmons NC
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I got kicked out of the scouts as a kid. For eating a brownie.

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I was reading an article in a magazine while waiting in the lobby at my doctors office. The article stated that in the U.S. They estimate 62% of women living here are battered. All this time I've been eating mine plain.

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what do you get when you cross a midget with a prostitute?

a little fucker about yeh high.

Northville NY
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A guy named Bill finally decided to tie the knot with his long-time girlfriend.

One evening, after the honeymoon, he was welding some stuff for fun.

His new wife was standing there at the bench watching him. After a long period of silence she finally spoke, "Honey, I've just been thinking, now that we are married maybe it's time you quit spending all your time out here in the shop.

You probably should just consider selling all your welders along with your gun collection and that stupid vintage Harley-Davidson.

Bill got a horrified look on his face.

She said, "Darling....., what's wrong?"?

He replied, "Just for a minute you were starting to sound like my ex-wife."?

"Ex wife?" she screamed, "YOU NEVER TOLD ME YOU WERE MARRIED BEFORE!"?

Bill replied: "I wasn't."

Thornton CO
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What does a blond say after sex?

"Are you all on the same team?"

Windermere FL
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TOPIC: Jokes and Funnies feel free to add your own
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