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TOPIC: Jokes_and_Funnies_feel_free_to_add_your_own
Created by: DestinFlCp
Original Starting post for this thread:
Rick is in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really angry. She told him " Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in less than 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE!! "

The next morning Rick got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway . Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, and brought the box back in the house. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale. Rick has been missing since Friday. Please pray for him

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@Sorillo, just for you handsome:

What do you call an endowed puppet?

Well strung

Oak Ridge NC
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funny, KJ

. . . when it's soft you can't beat it and when it's hard you get fucked.

Danville VT
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@Cumm loved it

@Inlove....tsk tsk tsk bahahahaha

Life is a lot like a penis: simple, soft, straight, relaxed, and hanging freely . . .then a woman makes it hard. ba-dum-bum-CHING

Oak Ridge NC
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A blonde and a brunette share office space. One Friday the brunette is delivered a mind boggling arrangement of beautiful flowers, obviously having cost hundreds of dollars along with a note which read "to the sexiest woman I know".

"OMG", gushed the blonde, "you must be sooo pleased!"

"Yes," replied the brunette, "they are very nice."

"Very nice?" said the blonde. "You certainly don't sound all that impressed."

"Well, they really are nice, but I know what they mean. Looks like I will be spending another weekend with my ankles behind my neck."

"Damn, girl", exclaimed the blonde. "You need to get yourself a vase!"

Danville VT
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The pilot on a flight announces to the three female passengers to prepare for an emergency landing at sea. One starts putting on her jewelry, the other two ask why and she says we'll gold shines so they will find me, so the other starts to put on her jewelry which is diamonds saying well diamonds shine more than gold so they will find me first, the last one starts taking off her clothes and the others ask why and she replied, well they will find me since they always look for the black box first.

Abbeville SC
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@ThePacked nice first post, might as well cop a squat and stay a while

I call him the devil, because he makes me want to sin. Sometimes an angel just has to get her halo dirty.

Oak Ridge NC
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Three women get on an elevator in an office building, a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead. The doors close, and the brunette notices a suspicious-looking stain on the wall of the car, about waist-high. She leans down for a closer look. "That looks like a cum stain!" she declares.

The redhead leans down and sniffs it gingerly. "That smells like a cum stain!" she reports.

The blonde leans down and licks it... "Well, it's nobody from this building."

Des Moines IA
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Hillary phoned the president's office shortly after midnight. "I need to talk to the president, it's an emergency!" exclaimed Hillary. After some cajoling, the president's assistant agreed to wake him up. "So, what is it that's so important that it can't wait until morning?" grumbled Trump.

"A Supreme Court Judge just died, and I want to take his place," begged Hillary.

"Well, it's OK with me if it's OK with the mortuary," replied President Trump.

Thornton CO
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This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I’d never met herbivore.

Oak Ridge NC
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LOL, that was really funny.

Nokomis FL
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TOPIC: Jokes and Funnies feel free to add your own
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