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TOPIC: Jokes_and_Funnies_feel_free_to_add_your_own
Created by: DestinFlCp
Original Starting post for this thread:
Rick is in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really angry. She told him " Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in less than 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE!! "

The next morning Rick got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway . Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, and brought the box back in the house. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale. Rick has been missing since Friday. Please pray for him

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Q: what do you call a fake noodle?

A: an IMPASTA!

Bridgewater NJ
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my last week or so (including today) reminds me of this joke’s punchline.

fed ex and ups were considering a merger. they called it off because they did not want to become known as the “fed ups.”

Bridgewater NJ
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I love porn advertisements.

After all, you can't spell advertisements without semen between the tits.

Tampa FL
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Two peanuts were walking down the road and one was assaulted!

Clarkston MI
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When a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment.

When a woman talks dirty to a man . . . it's $4.95 a minute.

Tampa FL
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My silence does not mean your sexual performance left me speechless

similar to

Five minutes of begging is not considered foreplay

Tampa FL
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Barry returned from a doctor's visit one day and told his wife that the doctor said he only had 24 hours to live. Wiping away her tears, he asked her to make love with him. Of course she agreed and they made passionate love. Later, Barry was getting into bed when he realised he now had only eight hours of life left. He touched her shoulder and said, "Honey? Please? Just one more time before I die." She agreed, then afterward she rolled over and fell asleep. Barry, however, heard the clock ticking in his head, and he tossed and turned until he was down to only four more hours. He tapped his wife on the shoulder to wake her up. "Honey, I only have four hours left! Could we...?" His wife sat up abruptly, turned to him and said, "Listen Barry, I'm not being funny... but I have to get up in the morning and you don't."

Fair Oaks TX
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Why does it take longer to fly from a Naval Air Base to an Air Force Base than is does to fly from an Air Force Base to a Naval Air Station.

Cause the Navy sucks and the Air Force blows.

Hanford CA
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What did Michael Jackson's house have in common with a Kmart sale? Answer--Boys' pants half-off.

Kennesaw GA
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what are a pirate's favorite 2 letters?

Rrrrrrrrrrr

and

C

(ba da bump)

Bridgewater NJ
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TOPIC: Jokes and Funnies feel free to add your own
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