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TOPIC: Jokes_and_Funnies_feel_free_to_add_your_own
Created by: DestinFlCp
Original Starting post for this thread:
Rick is in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really angry. She told him " Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in less than 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE!! "

The next morning Rick got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway . Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, and brought the box back in the house. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale. Rick has been missing since Friday. Please pray for him

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A guy bought a new fridge for his house. To get rid of his old fridge (still working), he put it in his front yard and hung a Sign on it saying: 'Free to good home. You want it, you take it.' For three days the fridge sat there without anyone looking twice. He eventually decided that people were too mistrustful of this deal. So he changed the sign to read: 'Fridge for sale $50.' The next day someone stole it! They walk amongst us!

Thornton CO
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A parable to meditate on in our politically correct society... An old man, a boy and a donkey were going to town. The boy rode on the donkey and the old man walked. As they went along they passed some people who remarked "What a shame, the old man is walking, the boy is riding." The man and boy thought maybe the critics were right, so they changed positions. Later they passed some people who remarked "What a shame, he makes that little boy walk". So they decided they'd both walk. Soon they passed some more people who remarked "They're really stupid to walk when they have a decent donkey to ride." So they both decided to ride the donkey. They passed some people who shamed them by saying "How awful to put such a load on a poor donkey." The boy and the man figured they were probably right, so they decide to carry the donkey. As they crossed the bridge, they lost their grip on the donkey, the donkey fell into the river and drowned. The moral of the story: If you try to please everyone, you might as well kiss your ass goodbye.

Thornton CO
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A father buys a lie detector robot that slaps people when they lie. He decides to test it out at dinner one night.

The father asks his son what he did that afternoon. The son says, "I did some schoolwork." The robot slaps the son.

The son says, "Ok, Ok. I was at a friend's house watching movies." Dad asks, "What movie did you watch?" Son says, "Toy Story." The robot slaps the son.

Son says, "Ok, Ok, we were watching porn." Dad says, "What?! At your age I didn't even know what porn was." The robot slaps the father.

Mom laughs and says, "Well, he certainly is your son." The robot slaps the mother.

ROBOT FOR SALE!

Thornton CO
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Lol

Windermere FL
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On a bitterly cold winter morning a husband and wife in Boulder were listening to the radio during breakfast. They heard the announcer say, "We are going to have 8 to 10 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even-numbered side of the street, so the snow plows can get through.â€쳌 So the good wife went out and moved her car. A week later while they are eating breakfast again, the radio announcer said, "We are expecting 10 to 12 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the odd-numbered side of the street, so the snow plows can get through." The good wife went out and moved her car again. The next week they are again having breakfast, when the radio announcer says, "We are expecting 12 to 14 inches of snow today. You must park . . . " Then the electric power went out. The good wife was very upset, and with a worried look on her face she said, "I don't know what to do. Which side of the street do I need to park on so the snow plows can get through?" Then with the love and understanding in his voice that all men who are married to blondes exhibit, the husband replied, "Why don't you just leave the car in the garage this time." .

Thornton CO
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Slightly embarrassing e-mail from customer service department:

Thank you for your order from our sex shop.

You asked for the large red dildo as featured on our wall.

Please select another product, that is our Fire Extinguisher.

Clemmons NC
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I talked to a homeless man this morning and asked him how he ended up this way.

He said, "Up until last week, I still had it all. I had plenty to eat, my clothes were washed and pressed, I had a roof over my head, I had TV and Internet, and I went to the gym, the pool, and the library. I was working on my MBA on-line. I had no bills and no debt. I even had full medical coverage."

I felt sorry for him, so I asked, "What happened? Drugs? Alcohol? Divorce?"

"Oh no, nothing like that," he said. "No, no.... I was paroled." .

Thornton CO
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Did you hear...?

The Energizer Bunny was arrested.

He has been charged with battery.

Windermere FL
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A female archaeologists found an artifact while digging on the island of crete. She boxed it up an sent it to the Smithsonian institute for verification. She placed a note in the box that said, "WHAT I THINK I'VE FOUND IS THE PETRIFIED PENIS OF A PAST PERSIAN PRIEST" After analysis the Smithsonian institute sent a letter back to her stating, "What you thought was the PETRIFIED PENIS OF A PAST PERSIAN PRIEST was really where a CRETION CREATURE CREPT INTO THE CRYPT AND CRAPPED."

Hanford CA
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She asked her husband for $4,000 for a boob job. He said hell no...just rub some toilet paper between your tits and they will start getting bigger. She said that won't. He hell yes..it worked on you ass.

Hanford CA
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TOPIC: Jokes and Funnies feel free to add your own
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