A Gamers Guide To Keeping A Girlfriend Satire Not To Be Taken Seriously Folks: Swingers Discussion 158498

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TOPIC: A Gamer's Guide To Keeping A Girlfriend (Satire Not To Be Taken Seriously Folks)

Created by: joeodd2 Original Starting post for this thread:
Sometimes gamer guys spend too much time studying game strategies and forget how to keep their girlfriends. I was browsing through bulletins on Myspace and came across this helpful list on how to keep a girl. It was posted by a fellow gamer, so of course it's a completely truthful list. If you guys go out there and actually attempt anything on this list, we are not responsible for the results. This is strictly for entertainment purposes and the actions should only be attempted by professionals like myself. I realize this isn't big gaming news, but it's Sunday and sometimes I just like to have fun with articles on slow weekends. If she happens to be a total psycho, then some of these things may actually work. If anyone ever needs advice on psycho girlfriends, I'm the guy to come to. The great list follows the break. 1. When she asks how she looks, shrug and say "could be better." This will keep her on her toes, and girls love that. 2. Never hold her hand. This can be interpreted as a sign of weakness. If she grabs your hand, squeeze hers really hard until she cries (this will impress her by showing her what a strong man you are). 3. Once a month, sneak up on her from behind and knock her over. Girls are like dogs; they love to be roughed up. 4. Call her in the middle of the night to ask if she's sleeping. If she is, say "you better be." Repeat this 4 or 5 times until morning. This will show her you care. 5. When she is upset about something, suggest to her that it might be her fault. This will pave the way for her own personal improvement, and every girl needs some improvement. 6. Recognize the small things, as they usually mean the most. Then when she's sleeping, steal all her small things and break them, because jewelry is for wussies and Asian ladies. 7. If you're talking to another girl, make sure she's looking. When she is, stare into her eyes, mouth the words "**** you" and grab the other girl's ass. Girls love competition. 8. Tell her you're taking her out to dinner. Drive for miles so she thinks it's going to be really special. Then take her to a burning tire yard.When she starts to get upset, tell her you were just kidding and now you're really going to take her to dinner. Then drive her home. When she starts crying and asks why youwould do something like that, lean over and whisper very quietly into her ear"…because I can." 9. Introduce her to your friends as "some chick." Women love those special nicknames. 10. Play with her hair. Play with it HARD. 11. Warm her up when she's cold…and not by giving her your jacket, because then you might get cold. Rather, look her in the eye and say "if youdon't stop bitching about the cold right now, you're going to be bitching about a sore ass." The best way to get warm is with fear. 12. Take her to a party. When you get there, she'll have to go to the bathroom(they always do). Leave immediately. Come back right when the party is dying and yell at her the whole way home for ditching you all night. 13. Make her laugh. A good way to do this is if she has a small pet. Kick the pet. Guys always find stuff like that funny…why shouldn't girls?

Created by: joeodd2
Original Starting post for this thread:

Sometimes gamer guys spend too much time studying game strategies and forget how to keep their girlfriends. I was browsing through bulletins on Myspace and came across this helpful list on how to keep a girl. It was posted by a fellow gamer, so of course it's a completely truthful list. If you guys go out there and actually attempt anything on this list, we are not responsible for the results. This is strictly for entertainment purposes and the actions should only be attempted by professionals like myself. I realize this isn't big gaming news, but it's Sunday and sometimes I just like to have fun with articles on slow weekends. If she happens to be a total psycho, then some of these things may actually work. If anyone ever needs advice on psycho girlfriends, I'm the guy to come to. The great list follows the break.

1. When she asks how she looks, shrug and say "could be better."
This will keep her on her toes, and girls love that.

2. Never hold her hand. This can be interpreted as a sign of weakness. If she grabs your hand, squeeze hers really hard until she cries (this will impress her by showing her what a strong man you are).

3. Once a month, sneak up on her from behind and knock her over. Girls are like dogs; they love to be roughed up.

4. Call her in the middle of the night to ask if she's sleeping. If she is, say "you better be." Repeat this 4 or 5 times until morning. This will show her you care.

5. When she is upset about something, suggest to her that it might be her fault. This will pave the way for her own personal improvement, and every girl needs some improvement.

6. Recognize the small things, as they usually mean the most. Then
when she's sleeping, steal all her small things and break them, because jewelry is for wussies and Asian ladies.

7. If you're talking to another girl, make sure she's looking. When she is, stare into her eyes, mouth the words "**** you" and grab the other girl's ass. Girls love competition.

8. Tell her you're taking her out to dinner. Drive for miles so she thinks it's going to be really special. Then take her to a burning tire yard.When she starts to get upset, tell her you were just kidding and now you're really going to take her to dinner. Then drive her home. When she starts crying and asks why youwould do something like that, lean over and whisper very quietly into her ear"…because I can."

9. Introduce her to your friends as "some chick." Women love those
special nicknames.

10. Play with her hair. Play with it HARD.

11. Warm her up when she's cold…and not by giving her your jacket,
because then you might get cold. Rather, look her in the eye and say "if youdon't stop bitching about the cold right now, you're going to be bitching about a sore ass." The best way to get warm is with fear.

12. Take her to a party. When you get there, she'll have to go to the bathroom(they always do). Leave immediately. Come back right when the party is dying and yell at her the whole way home for ditching you all night.

13. Make her laugh. A good way to do this is if she has a small pet. Kick the pet. Guys always find stuff like that funny…why shouldn't girls?

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User Details are only visible to members.	WOW, flash back to high school when girls LOVED guys like this! While funny now, women, what the F is up with loving men like this??
Ruther Glen VA			Username hidden (55 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	14. Let her fall asleep in your arms. When she's fast asleep, wait 10 minutes,then jump up and scream in her ear. Repeat until she goes home and you can useyour arms for more important things (like basketball). 15. Spit often. I hear girls like guys that spit. 16. If you care about her, never ever tell her. This will only give her self-confidence, then you can never turn her into the object she deep down desires to be. 17. Every time you're in her house, steal one of her shoes, earrings or anything else that comes in pairs. Only take one of the pair. This way, she'll go crazy. 18. Take her out to dinner. Right when she's about to order, interrupt and say "no, she's not hungry." Make her watch you eat. Girls love a guy that speaks for her. 19. Look her in the eyes and smile. Then then give her your meanest scowl and walk away in disgust. Girls love a spontaneous guy. 20. Give her one of your t-shirts, and make sure it has your smell on it (but not a sexy cologne smell…a bad smell. You know what I'm talking about). 21. When it's raining, keep asking her if she's crying. She'll say "no, it's just the rain." Ten minutes later, turn to her and just scream at her to stop crying. Girls like a tough man. 22. Titty twisters and plenty of them. 23. If you're listening to music, and she asks to hear it, tell her no. This way she'll think you're mysterious. 24. Remember her birthday, but don't get her anything. Teach her that material objects aren't important. The only thing that's important is that she keeps you happy, and your happiness is the greatest present she can ever get. 25. When she gives you a present on your birthday, Christmas or just whenever, take it and tell her you love it. Then, next time you know she's coming over on a trash day, leave the trash can open and have the present visibly sticking out of the can. Girls actually don't like this one that much, but guys think it's funny. 26. If she's mad at you for not calling her when you say you will, promise her that you will call her at a certain time of the day. This will make sure that she waits by the phone. Tell her when you call that you're going to tell her a special surprise. Now she'll be really excited. Don't call.
Arlington TX			Username hidden (2285 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	Sometimes gamer guys spend too much time studying game strategies and forget how to keep their girlfriends. I was browsing through bulletins on Myspace and came across this helpful list on how to keep a girl. It was posted by a fellow gamer, so of course it's a completely truthful list. If you guys go out there and actually attempt anything on this list, we are not responsible for the results. This is strictly for entertainment purposes and the actions should only be attempted by professionals like myself. I realize this isn't big gaming news, but it's Sunday and sometimes I just like to have fun with articles on slow weekends. If she happens to be a total psycho, then some of these things may actually work. If anyone ever needs advice on psycho girlfriends, I'm the guy to come to. The great list follows the break. 1. When she asks how she looks, shrug and say "could be better." This will keep her on her toes, and girls love that. 2. Never hold her hand. This can be interpreted as a sign of weakness. If she grabs your hand, squeeze hers really hard until she cries (this will impress her by showing her what a strong man you are). 3. Once a month, sneak up on her from behind and knock her over. Girls are like dogs; they love to be roughed up. 4. Call her in the middle of the night to ask if she's sleeping. If she is, say "you better be." Repeat this 4 or 5 times until morning. This will show her you care. 5. When she is upset about something, suggest to her that it might be her fault. This will pave the way for her own personal improvement, and every girl needs some improvement. 6. Recognize the small things, as they usually mean the most. Then when she's sleeping, steal all her small things and break them, because jewelry is for wussies and Asian ladies. 7. If you're talking to another girl, make sure she's looking. When she is, stare into her eyes, mouth the words "**** you" and grab the other girl's ass. Girls love competition. 8. Tell her you're taking her out to dinner. Drive for miles so she thinks it's going to be really special. Then take her to a burning tire yard.When she starts to get upset, tell her you were just kidding and now you're really going to take her to dinner. Then drive her home. When she starts crying and asks why youwould do something like that, lean over and whisper very quietly into her ear"…because I can." 9. Introduce her to your friends as "some chick." Women love those special nicknames. 10. Play with her hair. Play with it HARD. 11. Warm her up when she's cold…and not by giving her your jacket, because then you might get cold. Rather, look her in the eye and say "if youdon't stop bitching about the cold right now, you're going to be bitching about a sore ass." The best way to get warm is with fear. 12. Take her to a party. When you get there, she'll have to go to the bathroom(they always do). Leave immediately. Come back right when the party is dying and yell at her the whole way home for ditching you all night. 13. Make her laugh. A good way to do this is if she has a small pet. Kick the pet. Guys always find stuff like that funny…why shouldn't girls?
Arlington TX			Username hidden (2285 post)

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TOPIC: A Gamer's Guide To Keeping A Girlfriend (Satire Not To Be Taken Seriously Folks)

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