very new, any advice: Swingers Discussion 175982

165
very new, any advice: Swingers Discussion 175982

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TOPIC: very new, any advice

Created by: dragynraine	The original post for this thread was deleted.

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User Details are only visible to members.	All newbies should be required to read this form. Lots of good advice. Know what you and your partner want together before you expect your "tutors" to try to figure it out.
La Grange Park IL			Username hidden (6 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	Oh ... nice tat! :-D
Fairview Heights IL			Username hidden (652 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	(blush) It's just the right thing. We'll be celebrating our 40th anniv this June and we're still very much in Luv. "You don't stop playing when you get older. You get older when you stop playing!"
Fairview Heights IL			Username hidden (652 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	We've been swinging for years and she still occasionally gets those 'left out' feelings. When that happens, we talk. Generally she's feeling threatened by someone with a very slender figure (she's not hwp and sometimes feels badly about that), or by my 'having too much fun' with someone and 'maybe you'll leave me for her'. It all comes down to feeling insecure. I always make it a point to talk with her and to pay attention to her and try to reassure her that she is and always will be 'my other half' in this life. She's a wonderful lady, a good mother, and the love of my life, but sometimes she just gets 'doubts' and we work on them together. :-) The issue isn't that there are problems. The issue is what you do with them to treat them as opportunities to grow even closer and solidify your relationship even more.
Fairview Heights IL			Username hidden (652 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	Ms Dragyraine, I think you're feeling left out because you ARE being left out. However, it seems you are complicit in being left out. So, you have a few choices: 1. Be happy with being left out (doesn't seem like that's going to work). 2. Involve yourself. 3. Stop swinging. I'm glad you like the idea but I'm afraid you need to either get over whatever insecurities you have or let go of the idea of swinging. There are an infinitesimal number of people who have bodies which the kinder forces of nature have truly ignored who nevertheless stop worrying about it and just go with the flow. If you are unable to do so, I think this is something you should put on hold. I find it encouraging that you like the idea, but I do wish you'd stop excluding yourself from the fun. This is supposed to be fun for both of you, and it doesn't sound like that's where it's headed. At least, not yet.
Chesapeake VA			Username hidden (12136 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	I had never thought of it that way. Thank you, that helped. :)
Rising Star TX			Username hidden (5 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	I'm not sure we'd suggest a MFM as a first experience. That is a very dynamic mix, and frankly, it's more about them than you. You might start by arranging a no-commitment meeting with a reliable, responsible, mature experienced couple, just to TALK about swinging -- the tips and traps -- turn-ons and pitfalls. This can give you a good idea of how people in the lifestyle approach it. Maybe more importantly, you will discover that people in the lifestyle are actually sane, reasonable human beings. That should give you some reassurance about taking the next step.
Charlotte NC			Username hidden (546 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	There are any number of reasons for insecurities and apprehensions when contemplating swinging -- by either gender. A good many of them can be traced to our awareness of the social prohibitions surrounding any kind of non-monogamous sex play. Read "Sex at Dawn: The Prehistoric Origins of Modern Sexuality". If may explain -- and help you feel more comfortable about -- some of your misgivings. Don't be afraid of the title. This is an enjoyable read -- hilarious in some parts -- and the ideas it contains will help you understand how social notions of what is "right" and "wrong" in sex came about.
Charlotte NC			Username hidden (546 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	Thanks for the welcome and the advice. :) I just need to figure out how to keep from feeling that I'm being left out by him and those he talks to. Again, thanks, especially for not making me feel like any more of an idiot.
Rising Star TX			Username hidden (5 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	So far, the things you've described have not included much participation on your part. When you and your partner are equal in it, both participating, it will be more enjoyable. You need to "call the shots" a bit...what do you want to do? Observe at a party or club for a bit? Be watched while having sex with each other? Have sex with others while in the same room? I would keep things open and honest in talking about this. You are not alone...there are so many people on here, and in the swinging world who have insecurities and apprehensions. Those feelings crop up. Talk about them, and learn to move past them. If you can't, then trust you gut that whatever activity it is, is not what you would thoroughly enjoy. There are positives and negatives. Weigh those out. It almost sounds as if your hubby wants to text and have sex with you just being a bystander...like "approval to cheat," but I am not going to judge that one, as I don't really know you or the situations. Having sex w/ an ex while you listen on the phone is not swinging. Some may differ in opinion on this, but that's ok. Take your time. Do what makes you feel sexy and turns you on. Read some more of the posts in the forums and see how they make you feel. Good luck and have fun! Gina
San Antonio TX			Username hidden (6114 post)

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TOPIC: very new, any advice