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FORUMS General Discussions Getting Started soft swap vs Full Swap
TOPIC: soft swap vs Full Swap
Created by: real4ucpl
Original Starting post for this thread:
We know to each his own but we really dont get what soft swap is all about ?? I mean why bother ? There's a new thing out called a porn movie right. maybe soft swap is something else ? But we stilll have no idea why anyone would go through all this "trouble" JUST to watch.

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Thanks for the comments. Yesterday I wrote a small email to the owners of a club about two hours away from us, and I was told that i should read about the lifestyle... which I'm doing in SLS and that there was no avoiding people talking to us. My response was:

"Of course I did not mean that we did not want anybody talking to us. On the contrary, I'd love to learn from other people's experiences and also be able to speak about the lifestyle openly with other couples. I was actually trying to find out if the customs at your establishment either did not approve or encouraged voyeurs or exhibitionism. I know that people who are not aware of our plans would ask to join us and we are aware that we will have to politely decline, but I i did not want to rub people the wrong way, as they are your regulars and we'll just be trying the waters. Thanks for your prompt response.

P.S.: Do you guys have a night when it's mostly couples? (Friday, Saturday) thanks "

What else do you guys recommend I ask or research?

Miami FL
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There are drinkers, and there are hard drinkers. People like beer, or wine, or liquor, or more than one of these. I am a beer man who will have a shot of liquor once or twice a year.

Yes, there are some who will press a mixed drink on me, and I may then sip it. But when I've said I'm sticking to beer, it's a bit rude to then hand me whiskey.

Flat Rock NC
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" You might find that it may change over time!"

You also might find that your decision to be soft swap does not change over time, and that is perfectly okay, too. We've found there are plenty of people who either have the same limits or are willing to enjoy soft swap activities with us when we get together, and we do not foresee changing our limits anytime soon. Lifestyle parties we've attended have never required us to go full swap or to do anything with anyone, for that matter. As someone else said, if you go with the plan to enjoy your spouse/partner no matter what, then whether you hook up with another person or couple is just icing on the cake.

Sheboygan Falls WI
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That is fine, we started out very tame, just some f/f fun with some other couples that were very considerate of what we were comfortable with! As we had some experiences, our comfort level grew, but we are so thankful that there were others that were ok with what we were comfortable with! Have great communication with what you and your partner are ok with and what you might want to try and you can't go wrong! You might find that it may change over time!

Appleton WI
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Miami,

when you go to a club you do what you are comfortable with. We are a "full swap" couple. But we rarely swap. We mostly go to the club and have sex where others can watch. There is a club here where I would guess 50% of the people have NEVER swapped in any way.

Just go and have fun!

PG

Louisville KY
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Welcome Miami! The best part about swinging is enjoying it with your partner, on whatever level is comfortable to you. Yes, many long time lifestyle couples say why bother with soft swap only, braise they do go all the way. But I like to think of it as learning the lifestyle! We learned to be good lovers starting with kissing, then petting, then a little further as we got more comfortable. Same with swinging! There are lots of other couples out there just starting or only comfortable with girl on girl and then same room sex. The couples who have moved beyond and want full on swap sex are just more experienced. They started somewhere, and we start somewhere too. It IS a judgement, they'll judge you and say "you're so hot we wanna go all the way, but you're not ready so no thanks!" :)

San Diego CA
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Hi... newbie post here... so do not shoot me. In my case, it took a lot of talking, insinuating and late night conversations with the wife to convince her to attend a swingers club, and admit that she's curious about it. We are planning to do it when the kids go on vacation to visit grandma and grandpa...She's interested in watching, maybe having sex in the same room as other people... but that's it, for now. She says that she doesn't want anybody touching... just watching. But by your rules, if we do not go all the way, we may as well stay home. I don't think that's correct, as many people, including my wife and me, find public sex to be extremely erotic. I read everyone's profile, and if I see they they only enjoy full swap, I do not waste their time. I ask questions to those that seem understanding enough to give good advise and admit that, when they started, they wanted to test the waters. It does not mean that we are not into the lifestyle.... we get out pleasures from a different flavor of it.... a taste that may or may not lead us to try something a little stronger. That's what I liked about conversations here, the fact that people seemed to respect and approve everybody else's boundries and choices, without judgement... was I wrong?

Miami FL
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Voyeurism and exhibitionism carry their own weight in arousing everyone in the group, so watching or soft swapping has it's own benefits.

Some of us aren't quite ready to go "all the way," and soft swapping is a good way to ease into that. I liked the comment, (paraphrased) "First time soft swap, usually ready to go all the way second time!" because it's true. Just like some of us didn't sleep with a date on the first night out, so too we don't sleep together on our first couple date! :)

San Diego CA
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We strongly prefer full swap, hard to stop once you get going, but to each their own. Only a couple times we wound up doing soft swap & that was because the other guy had performance issues & Tom had to do double duty. He didn't complain, LOL!

Princeton NJ
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We never know until we have met you.

Flat Rock NC
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TOPIC: soft swap vs Full Swap