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guilt : Swingers Discussion 209699
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TOPIC: guilt
Created by: eastsidegirl7777 The original post for this thread was deleted.
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Sexus - Heck of a way to put it... Fuck the Guilt out of me! LOL

I know what you mean, same thing when I'm at the gym or having a great time in bed...clears the mind, makes things crystal clear and leaves room for more new and exciting thoughts!

ItsBeen!

Jacksonville FL
 
 
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I agree. No intentional hurt is how to gauge whether or not you are doing something "wrong." And that includes hurt to yourself.

My sexuality and spirituality are entwined and key to who I am. People who really know me understand and encourage this. And yes, I grew up in a strict southern Baptist family with way too many inconsistent and unexplained rules. I am not religious, but I am spiritual. And that encompasses many areas, not just "faith."

Guilt is listening to the voices that shaped your past. Only you have the strength and ability to shut up those voices or not. Fucking helps me shut up the ones I only faintly hear now. It's one of the only times my brain actually "stops" running on and on and on.

That's when I'm free to feel rather than think. And I find it quite lovely.

Gina

San Antonio TX
 
 
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I have been able to separate sex from love since my teens. I had friends with benefits before the term was coined and it was a bit of a revelation for me when I discovered that not everyone approached sex this way.

I have never had one single speck of guilt over what we do. No one is being harmed so there's no reason to feel badly.

Cincinnati OH
 
 
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And then they can really tend to their Lady Gardens! LOL ;-)'

Jacksonville FL
 
 
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SED - you were lucky, not many people get that type of upbringing. It's a few lucky ones that will see the light and get that pressure and guild out of their system and learn the difference.

I'll be the first to admit it took me many years to learn the difference and until recently I wasn't sure I did.

I'm sure now and what a great life it is!

Jacksonville FL
 
 
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I was raised in a home where I had the freedom to choose when it came to religion, so I never really suffered any guilt.

I never saw sexual monogamy as part of what a healthy marriage should be. I was ALWAYS able to separate being in love and sex. Needless to say that sex (for me at least) is more intense with a partner that I'm in love with. But sex in and itself is a physical act. I don't have to have an emotional connection to a person to have sex with them. So no guilt of any kind when I fuck other people, outside my marriage.

In short, nope, no guilt, there is nothing to feel guilty about, I'm not doing anything wrong.

Colts Neck NJ
 
 
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Jim - good reference. I recall in Freshman Philosophy a similar group of lectures dealing with what we value versus what we were taught to value - also had an eye-opening "WTF Lightbulb" moment!

Jacksonville FL
 
 
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I think the best perspective on guilt I've heard is from a book by Claude Steiner titled "Scripts People Live." He explains how all of us are "scripted" as little children by the "big people" in our lives - parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, siblings, teachers, clergy. Before we reach kindergarten we are already given a script which we are expected to follow in our behavior. We don't even know we've been scripted.

Our feelings of guilt arise when our actions are inconsistent with our script. Unless we are made aware that the script exists, most of us are unable to ever dodge the guilt, or "conscience," that nags at us. Once you are made aware that you were indeed scripted, you are free to choose your OWN script, and live your life mentally and emotionally in a more comfortable place.

As an undergraduate who hated his major at a time when the alternative was to go to Viet Nam, I once visited the campus counseling center. The counselor "fixed" my dilemma in one session. He said: "Picture your mind as a giant warehouse, as big as four football stadiums. Now see that every square inch of wall space is covered with pictures hanging on it. Our job is to figure out which pictures YOU hung on those walls, and which ones SOMEBODY ELSE HUNG THERE FOR YOU!"

You don't have to throw away every picture. You do need, though, to take each one down, examine it, and decide if you like it and want to keep it on your "mind's wall," or if you want to replace it with another of your own choosing.

Jim

South Riding VA
 
 
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Now he does what his wife tells him.

;^D

Poland OH
 
 
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I no longer behave based on what my mother may or may not approve of me doing. I stopped that about 40 years ago.

Whitehouse Station NJ
 
 
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TOPIC: guilt