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TOPIC: Why so rude or Why is common courtesy so uncommon
Created by: DfrntStrokes
Original Starting post for this thread:
### Rant Warning ###

As an unaccompanied male I know that I am at the bottom of the totem pole, and I am prepared to accept that. What I find increasingly difficult to take is how often people do not reply at all to polite, and respectful e-mail.

Women and couples alike. No reply of "I'm sorry, I don't think we are compatible," "We are not looking for single males at this time," "Not right now, but I'll keep you in mind," - Nothing - Dead air, silence.

Even more unfathomable, are the few times that I have been contacted first, we exchange an round of e-mail, and then once again - nothing - dead air. I'm an adult, both physically, and mentally, and I understand that sometimes things that looked like they might work at first, can fizzle out. We are all here for what each of us defines as fun, and sometimes the definitions don't line up. Ok.

Why can't the e-mail exchange end in something a little less abrupt than no reply?

In closing, I have one last example, that I can not for the life of me understand.

As an unaccompanied male, I rarely approach couples, and I NEVER approach couples who do not indicate that they have an interest in single males. However, on this occasion I saw something in the profile that sparked my imagination enough that I initiated contact. I got no reply, and by this point this did not surprise me (sad isn't it.) However, I then had an occasion to try to look at their profile another time. I say try, because when I tried to look at the profile I was blocked. What??? What did I do?

I suppose that it is possible that in their profile I missed a line that said that they would approach single males, and any single males who contacted them first would be blocked. I have seen this in some profiles, and respect this policy. Unfortunately I have no way of knowing. They did not reply, perhaps telling me what I did to offend, and I can not look at the profile to see if I can figure out my offence.

I realize that the people who do not offer even the most simple courtesies are people who I do not want to spend time with, much less share a bed with, but I expected more. I expected that a community of like minded people to treat each other with a little more respect.

I further realize that there are single males out there, that are rude in their own way, and that do not read or respect the information clearly offered in profiles. I can only hope that if at some point I make the transition from single male, to playing couple, that I will never allow myself to sink to the level of the "rotten apples." For in doing so, I too would become one of the rotten apples.

My rant is over, for those who have stuck it out this far, thank you. Hopefully by telling you all of my frustration, it will same me from directing my frustration at individuals.

"Laz"

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The funny part about the whole thing is that we first rejected the people we've met & played with so far, but then found that it was a miscommunication. We had tons of fun (repeat with one set for Sunday, too!), and wouldn't have if we hadn't stated our objections & read their replies.

Some people are just super-selfish (and would have missed out, LOL)... it takes two clicks to send a standard, pre-written rejection. Likewise with telemarketers, the majority of whom are decent people trying to earn a living at the only job they could get (instead of going on welfare!). How long does it take to say "Sorry, not interested, please put us on your 'do not call' list."? It is against Federal law (The Telephone Consumer Protection Act of 1981) for them to argue/rebut or call again after you say those magic words. Is that really too much effort to be civil/human?

Believe it or not, it's not just single guys who get ignored like that... although we get a LOT of mail sometimes, we get few replies to our responses. I have no Idea how many are outstanding right now, but it's considerably more than those we don't respond to (which would be none). There are currently at least three we are hoping for replies from, but, being a bi guy I know that much of the world is automatically prejudiced, stereotyping me as a dishonest, disease ridden horn-dog with too much cologne that's looking to nail anyone he meets (wrong on all counts, of course).

Sometimes it takes us a little while, busy people and not always both available to go over them (unless they're clearly what we don't want, we wait for the other's opinion), but eventually, all get replied to. If they're ignorant, we tell them that. If they're sending despite something that we specifically stated in our profile, we tell them that too.

Joliet IL
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Thanks Lagniappe!

Washington Township MI
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If, in the course of email exchanges or chat, we begin to feel that for whatever reason (pics or interactions) that we really aren't as interested as we thought we might be at first, we just start to taper off communications. It has been seldom that we have had to come right out and turn someone down. Most people that we have encountered, pick up on something being amiss or not clicking like they should.

What just kills me is when we get a first email from someone asking for more info, and we respond with whatever info they are requesting, then they come back with a 'we are not interested' email...as if we were the ones that had expressed initial interest when we weren't! We had just responded out of courtesy....that's just plain arrogant!

Robin

Cleveland MS
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Thanks Langiappe...but we really didnt say we would meet, just asked people to check our profile, but then some seem to want to meet, so what should we say? I mean we have sent pics before and then we get the silent treatment even after many email exchanges, and we dont want to do that to others...but then again dont want to upset anyone either...so maybe people feel that no reply is better.....what do you think?

Washington Township MI
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As far as emails are concerned, we don't interpret a request for more info as as a possible meeting. We exchange emails with many people that we never actually meet. An email is just an indication of possible interest based on profile info while the chat becomes more of the screening for true interest and compatability.

Robin

Cleveland MS
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We never indicate that we might want a face to face meeting until we see a face pic. In fact, without a face pic, the chat really goes no farther than a few lines. So we never get the point of discussing the possibility of meeting. That way, there is no uncomfortableness as you try to wiggle out of something that you might have begun to get yourself into. Robin

Cleveland MS
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We have also run into this many times, lack of courtesy, even after meeting a couple we know things didnt click in a sexual way , we still send an email saying "nice to have met you, thanks for a fun evening" and never get a reply back....but I have a question...what do you do if you send an email wanting to know more and when you see (face) pics...well your not sure if your wanting a face to face meeting now....what do you do? We have been ignored many times and dont want to do that to others, but not sure how to respond sometimes.

Washington Township MI
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I with ya there, Here2.

But I often get the idea that there are people that think that one is rude if they don't answer each and every email they receive.

Not that I have ever really cared what others think.....

Robin

Cleveland MS
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As much as I've tried, I really don't understand the number of people that feel that every email that one receives, deserves an email in return. I don't. Call it rude if you must. I believe that some emails simply don't warrant a response.

Case in point: We received an email from a free member who has been a member for one day. There profile consists of one line under each heading...and those one lines not even complete sentences. While the profile is listed as a couple, the one lines use "I" instead of we, indicating that it really may not be a couple. There are no pictures. However, the email simply states this....'would like to see more and discuss needs'.

Now...what kind of response is appropriate for this? Why would I provide this person with more information and pictures when they clearly have seen and know more about us that we do them? Why do I owe this person who has obviously put no thought into their profile or their email, a response? Seriously.....

Robin

Cleveland MS
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Ancient?...did I hear ancient?...lol..I guess he meant us not you ginger. Next time we are in TN we will have to turn the state upside down and find you...lol. Take care and have faith.

Mr.

Neenah WI
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TOPIC: Why so rude or Why is common courtesy so uncommon