Who Initiates: Swingers Discussion 36099

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TOPIC: Who Initiates

Created by: newhotcpl Original Starting post for this thread:
OK! Here's one that has us confused. While at a (couples only) party, what is the correct protocol for initiating sex with another couple? Does the male begin playing with the other female or should the female begin with the other male? We have noted that (around these parts) the males seem to be the aggressors and the females pretty much let them fondle, kiss and feel them up. If this happens to my wife, is it then the green light for me to do the same to the other woman? If we see a couple we'd like to play with, do I begin or should my wife? (We are both straight)

Created by: newhotcpl
Original Starting post for this thread:

OK! Here's one that has us confused. While at a (couples only) party, what is the correct protocol for initiating sex with another couple? Does the male begin playing with the other female or should the female begin with the other male? We have noted that (around these parts) the males seem to be the aggressors and the females pretty much let them fondle, kiss and feel them up. If this happens to my wife, is it then the green light for me to do the same to the other woman? If we see a couple we'd like to play with, do I begin or should my wife? (We are both straight)

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User Details are only visible to members.	I think there are two different venues in discussion here. At a "meet and greet" or club, we usually find that most of the vanilla rules are in play. That is, you're trying to determine if there is an attraction among 4 people and if play is in the offing. While deciding to play on the "first date" can be done, we always offer to let everyone head home and discuss things. Better to take ones time and not have someone put in position to "take one for the team." We have found that sometimes it's apparent all around that we're willing to play and have taken advantage of the opportunities :-) At a house party on the other hand, the feeling is that you are attending with the intent to play. When we have a house party, we always send out our "party rules" in advance. We note that couple to couple play is not required but that you should make your feelings known in advance to anyone who shows interest. We stress that you have to communicate your needs and feelings in advance to avoid hard feelings. It appears the "lifestyle mantra" of communicating your needs and strictures is incredibly important. We always talk before attending a new event with new people. We try to "go with the flow" as long as our basic understanding is met. Phil
Bowie MD			Username hidden (85 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	"Is this a serious thread on a "swingers" web site..?" I'd say that in the Getting Started forum, it is. It's a whole new world, and I'd say it makes sense to get a sense of it. L.
Ithaca NY			Username hidden (1611 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	For the life of me I do not understand the need for gimmicks/games to get people to play.You talk to one another either your into them and they into you and you communicate. You ask if they want to go play.Ask to go to a bedroom or to the hood of the car.Hell most of the tiemn you already know if you want to play , in a few minutes you know if they want to play and in a few more minutes you can play.Minutes can turn into hours....speaking in general terms here. Who initiates,we have never given much thought but speaking with suzy she says its usually me. I know with us if I am interested in another female she knows it as fast as I know she has the same ideas.The same is true when suzy is interested in another male.
Sarasota FL			Username hidden (2070 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	When we meet with a couple we are expecting to play, but we make this known beforehand so that they are no surprises or awkward moments. As for the initiating, we've found that what works for us is usually I'll ask M to slip into something sexy so we can snap a few pics. She would usually invite the woman to the room to "help" her change and also to get her going to. M will usually play with the woman for a while, while I and the hubby, chat, take pics and get ready and then we'll slowly integrate ourselves in.
Lexington KY			Username hidden (147 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	Forum Virgins- got em! Hee hee hee...welcome MikeNY! I agree with Content- the best way to approach a new couple is the way you'd approach anyone, with the notable exception of the fact that you're trying to gauge whether you want to get horizontal with them. I don't think there's any real "protocol" for who starts what, and in my experience when it's right, it happens naturally. Enjoy the adventure! L.
Ithaca NY			Username hidden (1611 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	I wouldn't worry about "starting anything" on a first meeting. Just act as if it was any regular (vanilla) couple you are meeting. Perhaps the only difference is that it's usually ok to discuss swinging-related issues, eg, "how did you get into the lifestyle?", etc. Just focus on meeting them and finding out whether you are both comfortable socially and interested sexually. If you can check a "yes" to both of those, and nothing else happens, it will have been a very well invested evening, especially if the feelings are mutual from the other couple. Then you can arrange to meet at a later date for some fun!
Pittsburgh PA			Username hidden (1153 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	Just ask.When we go to parties we love to still play together.We will apporach couples or they us and talk with us to find out whats going on with them or us. I can't remember a party where we did not play together on the first go round.That is if we find a couple attractive.We have also gone our seperate ways while at a party. Its the same whether your at a club , meet and greet,house party you have to go chat a bit find out what interests all four,ask questions and go from there.There is no limit on the fun that can be had. whenever we head to any event, we always chat ahead to make sure we are clear on what we wish to do that evening.If we are the newbies to the party normally we are close together until we get a feeling for the other couples.How safe they are, how demanding they are. We have been at parties where the male of the host has to play first or no play , we have been to parties where a blow job is a must to the host , both of these rules we split real fast.We have been at parties where everyone goes into one room and others where its couples play or small group play.We have been to parties where the males interest suzy and she can play, where I may have no interest in and vice versa.Its always best to go over anything on your way THERE as to what may or may not happen. Make sure you find out the rules of the house party. ie such as open door means open invite for any and all, semi closed door means watching ,closed door you must knock , locked door go away.Everyone has different policies on rules in a room.No always means NO. Unless of course your tied up then trex may mean no
Sarasota FL			Username hidden (2070 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	"You gotta love hot tubs! It gets people naked, which helps to get you in the mood, and those jets disturb the water surface enough that what happens below the water line is invisible to anyone else! LOL" The other thing nice about hot tubs is if you got sweaty dancing, you get a nice way to clean up before playing! Dan
Baltimore MD			Username hidden (3273 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	Valovers, thanks for the explanation. I think I'm going to start organizing some parties...
Pittsburgh PA			Username hidden (1153 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	I wish I could help more on this one. At all the parties we've been to in our local area over the years, it's not been a requirement that you need to play with the partner of the person your spouse plays with. People just "freelance" and go upstairs to play with whomever they strike a spark with as the urge arises. I think a party where you can only play with someone if your spouse and their spouse play together too would be much less fun and it would be much more difficult to find a match without someone "taking one for the team." In fact, there are women I only play with at parties, and men that Mrs. Valovers only plays with at parties, exactly because the respective spouses do NOT click. That's one of the things that makes parties fun - you can play with people you wouldn't get together with just as 2 couples. We even have found that couples who are "same room only" have far fewer opportunities to play at the parties we have attended, precisely because it's so much harder to find a "4-way click" situation. So, who takes the initiative? At the parties we've attended, it usually begins with a couple slow dancing together to soft music in the dim light. During the dance it becomes pretty obvious if there's any interest, and if you share a kiss while dancing, and the kiss is returned with interest, then maybe the hands gently brush your dance partner, and pretty soon you just look at each other and "know." So it's "Come on, let's go upstairs" - - and that's how it usually happens. Unless, of course, it starts in the hot tub. You gotta love hot tubs! It gets people naked, which helps to get you in the mood, and those jets disturb the water surface enough that what happens below the water line is invisible to anyone else! LOL
South Riding VA			Username hidden (8158 post)

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TOPIC: Who Initiates

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