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When She's the Instigator : Swingers Discussion 205818101
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TOPIC: When She's the Instigator
Created by: SterlingArcher The original post for this thread was deleted.
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Welcome to forums Sterling, glad y'all are having fun!!!


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I think interest in setting things up comes and goes, and is often at the hand of the one who is more social. For us, that would be me. I'm pretty sure Mr. likes the idea of me being the "instigator," but if he had a bad feeling about a couple or single, or just not attracted to them based on their profile and pics, emails and exchanges, then it's a no all the way around. The same in reverse.

I think Fun said it well (the way he does with most topics). Some guys do indeed get off more on seeing or being a part of their wives having a good time. If she's turned on and enjoying herself sexually, then so is he. And it does always make things hotter when getting back together.

There may be an underlying "issue" that you want to explore with this, and if so, then check out the Men's forums on here, as well as other Swinger Advice areas, and that's this: when he and another woman are together, there may be a performance problem, nerves, thinking too much, etc. That may shy him away from initiating things. It happens a lot, and it's no big deal to most couples, as they, if they are mature enough, understand that these things can happen.

Talk it over. Share that cougar fantasy and see if he seems interested. Keep having a good time. And...welcome to the forums!

Gina

San Antonio TX
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We're kind of the flip-flop of your situation. p much prefers that I do the "shopping around" for two main reasons:

1) I'm pickier than she is, and 2) She feels gratified letting me take control (in several contexts)

She's thoroughly game to play with others, but it makes her feel more relaxed when she's not the one doing the front-end work, which makes her feel more stressed out.

I've also received the occasional precious line similar to what you said, but she means it in a "don't stress it" sense. So, while I'd like to get more input from time to time, I've learned that she's being genuine, and to go ahead and not worry about second-guessing her enthusiasm. That's our situation, anyway. Your results may vary.

New Market MD
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Sterling, welcome to the forums. Hope you look around, make yourselves at home, and have fun.

I don't really see the imbalance. It sounds like his joy comes from seeing that you have a great time, and in that respect he is getting 100% of what he wants. I'm friends with several couples just like that. Husbands often tell me later how much hotter things are between them as a result of an erotic encounter between the wife and me, in which he does nothing but watch. It's a win-win-win, as much for the husband as anyone else. Hope that helps.

Btw, y'all have an exceptionally attractive profile. Very well-written. And all of those pics, in which both of you are flashing those smiles, tells me that y'all are fun people.

Belle Chasse LA
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He just sounds picky to me. It reads to me like he politely was saying the playmates available weren't turning him on. Who is doing the bulk of pre-screening for your playtime? Maybe tell him about the cougar fantasy and how much you would like to watch that play out.

Buford GA
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And welcome to the forums, Sterling. Leadership generally should come from the one who's most interested. If you were on a shopping trip, he might also only have a strong desire to leave you to shop at a particular shop; and the rest of the time he might be more than happy to just follow your desire.

Like most men, I hate most shopping trips. Suppose you are picking a movie, and there's nothing he really is dying to see, but there is one you have been wanting to watch. It makes sense to go with the one who has the stronger feelings.

Flat Rock NC
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TOPIC: When She's the Instigator