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What Are Good Groundrules For Those New To The Scene : Swingers Discussion 43946101
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FORUMSGeneral DiscussionsGetting StartedWhat Are Good Groundrules For Those New To The Scene
TOPIC: What Are Good Groundrules For Those New To The Scene
Created by: twohot4u269 The original post for this thread was deleted.
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The most important groundrule. Know your own rules and your limits to your own rules. Do not expect people to know your rules or limits if you have not informed them.Make sure to inform people of your rules before you go the next step.

Sarasota FL
 
 
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Ground rule are set by an idividual or couple.

They meet other couple who have their own ground rules.

You exchange rules.. You respect them.. and have fun..

If it doesn't feel good it isn't..

Bridgeport PA
 
 
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we started this with no rules, wow what a mistake. we learned by having our 1st time not soo great that we r a better cpl for 1st timers cause we remember how it feels to "not feel good". a really good friend we met in this lifestyle gave us such a valuable piece of advice she said "if it's not fun, don't do it". works like a charm. listen to that advice n pass it on, n u won't ever go wrong. mary xoxo

Williamstown NJ
 
 
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lol when we started out we had a scroll for me to remember as time goes by the rules and limits to the rules seem to change. Keep the rules that allow you to be the most comfortable in what your doing.The only rule that we have kept, when ever we do hook up we also always come back to each other, never spending the night away from each other.We have found that we have the best time together.

Sarasota FL
 
 
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<<seeking some advice on what the best groundrules when starting out>>

There are NO rules that apply to everyone, except that "no means no." What the two of you need to do is have extended discussions about what you want, what you don't want, what fears and anxieties you have, and how you might cope with those.

Remember, the only rules are those that the two of YOU, and nobody else, can agree upon and live with. You may need to talk this over again and again and again before venturing into your first swinging experiences, to make sure you are comfortable with the boundaries you have established. You should also EXPECT that those "rules" will change over time as you gain experience and become more comfortable with some things and less comfortable with other things. But no changes should be considered "on the fly" or "in the heat of the moment." You will find that some rules don't work well, but you need to just live with them that evening and only later when the two of you are alone should you discuss why the "rules" got in the way of your pleasure and discuss whether it's time to modify those rules.

Over time, most couples find that the rules they made for their comfort in the beginning become less and less necessary, until veteran swingers have very few rules at all other than "remember who you're going home with."

We heartily endorse the concept of mutual veto power - no questions asked. If one of you is not comfortable with a couple (or a single, for that matter), then that should be the end of it. Move on and find a more suitable playmate.

We also encourage new swingers to be careful to move ahead only at the pace of the one of you who is LEAST comfortable with swinging. While it's true that you MUST expand the boundaries of your comfort zones to swing, one of you will need to take this journey in smaller steps than the other. Always go at the pace of the one who needs to go slower.

And whatever you do, never stop talking to each other about your experiences, your feelings, and what you like and don't like. And finally, remember that swinging should enhance BOTH of your lives, not just one of you. If you can't honestly say that you truly want your spouse to enjoy himself/herself fully, then you probably need to do a lot more talking before you jump in.

Most of us had the same fears & anxieties as you when we began swinging. If you take things at a pace that works for both of you, and openly and honestly discuss your feelings with each other afterwards and between, then you probably will find yourself growing increasingly comfortable until you no longer have those fears & anxieties that you had in the beginning.

Good luck!

South Riding VA
 
 
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Besides communication, which should be a given if you've reached this point.....Our first two rules were "always together" and neither of us would "take one for the team". Before we actually played with anyone we came up with a third rule after talking to a friend who gave us some "newbie" advice.....each of us holds a Veto Card. This means that one or the other of can veto a couple for any reason whatsoever and the other is not allowed to question it until the next day (although we usually say why we did it when we use it). We do this because we may have reached a point where we are both in agreement that we want to play with a particular couple, but one of us picks up on something weird, something happens while the other is not aware, gets a bad vibe....whatever. Basically, we can call it off at any moment and the other agrees without a second thought.

Odessa TX
 
 
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VIRGIN POSTER ALERT!

Welcome to the lifestyle and the forums!

When C and I started out, we didn't really have groundrules like most people seemed to. In fact, at our first party, our only rule (besides condoms) was that we couldn't play with each other!

As we've been experiencing things, we've come up with some guidelines that make sense based on things we've tried that did or didn't work well for us. I say "guidelines" rather than "groundrules" because we consider them all negotiable with discussion. The most important ones we use are PROTECTION and COMMUNICATION. Our best guideline is that if we haven't discussed it before, we need to do so before we do it.

Having said all that, though, we seem to be in the minority about groundrules when starting out from what I've seen. My best advice would be to constantly talk about what makes sense, and what stops making sense, to you both.

Enjoy the adventure! L.

Ithaca NY
 
 
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TOPIC: What Are Good Groundrules For Those New To The Scene