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What's not up : Swingers Discussion 225722
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TOPIC: What's not up
Created by: Lovenallpink
Original Starting post for this thread:
OK, I have a question. We have been on SLS for 4 almost 5 years now and I have been coming across men who can not get it up or do but can't keep it up for long. I am beginning to think it is me. These men try and can't with me but go back to there wives and go for hours. I don't get it. Then I find out their wives love being with my husband and want more because he can and has a "perfect cock". I get stuck with the little guy and wanting more, I get nothing and she goes back to her husband gets more, mine is spent and I get nothing. I'm not "taking one for the team" any more. Then I get called "intimidating" and "picky" because I won't try a new couple because I'm sick of NOT getting a shaft worthy of my standards. I really don't want much more than most. A Long hard fuck. Any suggestions or am I the only one with this dilemma. Thanks for letting me Vent! TwistHer

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Definitely don't "take one for the team". Keep looking for couples without issues.

Toledo OH
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That happened to me and my hubby several times. I got tired of the other hubby not getting up. I enjoyed our threesome session while her hubby watched. But I wanted some action. So when the time came around again and the other hubby couldn't get it up, my husband would stop mid stroke get to me and have the other wife deal with HER hubby issues. Lol No more taking it for the team NO MORE!!!

Hello all :)

Bloomfield NJ
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It happens with MFM too.

Allentown PA
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My wife has a similar situation with playmates who don't last as long. We're not usually big fans of a quick evening, we like the fun to keep rolling. We've found this is not usually the situation with couples with more experience.

Toledo OH
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OMG!! I was just bitching about this myself last night!! WT? This time it was SM, who found a girlfriend. So the four us tried it. Well guess what? He couldn't get it up! Was it because he was afraid if he has a good time with me, that the girlfriend would be jealous/upset? While his girlfriend had a great time with my husband. I don't get it either. This same scenario is happening to me almost everytime we meet other couples. I'm very sick of it also! It's not fair and really plays on the self esteem. I advise you to start playing with SMs. That is what we have done.

Cocoa FL
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Oh, and Lovenallpink, after looking at your profile and pics, rest assured that you aren't the problem...;)

Tempe AZ
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It's probably a lot of things. When we first started out, I (male half) was so enraptured watching Mrs. T that it became a distraction in the same room. I never truly realized what a turnon it is for me, and I still enjoy watching. But lately, we've tried separate rooms on the first play date, and that eliminates the distraction.

There can also be some "first date" jitters. We're both somewhat shy, and it may take a couple of outings to reach the comfort level where we can really let go. It depends on the other couple, I suppose. Luckily, we've played with couples who are very understanding, and as the relationship progresses, the wilder we seem to get.

Just our experience, so I don't know how others deal with it. I like the suggestion of bringing a single guy into the mix either as a "relief pitcher" or simply as another playmate for the Mrs. I'd love to try a MFM sometime with a suitable guy and hope we meet one one of these days. Good luck!

Tempe AZ
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I think a lot of guys get stressed or over-stimulated in these scenarios and get cock-panic. We used to be soft-swap years ago - and our activities were same room, same bed. No issues then with the men who were in our little groups. As we have gotten older, and have moved to full-swap, we see more couples prefer separate room activity, probably because of the equipment being more "tempermental."

I used to think maybe with some couples, the male didn't want to be there to see ( and therefore inhibit) their partner by being there. But I think most people in the lifestyle enjoy seeing their partners get off. Now, I think it's the men - who don't want the distractions of other activities going on around them. Especially the guys who don't / won't take a little blue pill.

To me, I owe it to my wife or playmate to deliver the best pleasure I can. If it takes a little help, so be it. Am I the same, physiologically, as I used to be when I was in my 20's ? No. Thank God, no ! - now I last significantly longer, and deliver as promised .

Brandon FL
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Bring in an extra single guy for an MFM, especially a younger one. Works like a champ. We've known maybe three of them over a dozen years. One you find a good one it can be a semi-regular thing to get you through the in-betweens :)

Bensalem PA
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The amount of disappointments has taken it's toll!! There should be a "cert" process for that. The cert process on here now doesn't work for that issue.

Culpeper VA
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TOPIC: What's not up