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We are new to LS HELP! : Swingers Discussion 202244
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FORUMSGeneral DiscussionsGetting StartedWe are new to LS HELP!
TOPIC: We are new to LS HELP!
Created by: FantaziaShanique
Original Starting post for this thread:
Hi everyone! My boyfriend and I are looking for some advice. We are completely and utterly new to all of this (this being the lifestyle), after considering trying it only 3 days ago. What is protocol on setting up a meeting? We have had several couples and singles interested in us, but how do you make it a safe meeting, how do you know what to expect? Is it better to meet at a club?

We have asked the couples/singles what they prefer, told them what we were interested in and all that, however, we are still gray in some areas. Is it okay to be friends with the couple/single after we have played together? How do we know who is safe, and who might be crazy enough to tie us up in their house and murder us (ok that was a little exaggerated, but you know what I mean).

Also, when you do get in contact with a couple (like we did just recently) and find out you are not attracted to them by the emails of naked pics that they sent you, how do you tell them you are not interested in meeting them at the club on Friday anymore and to loose your number without hurting their feelings? Tell me everything about this that you can so we don't screw up! Thank you!

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After seven years swinging, we have settled down to a routine of:

Get to know the others via message and photos that include their faces. If they pass,

Meet for lunch or dinner and get to know them face to face, if they pass,

Go to a nearby hotel room and play.

We developed this routine because we found we quickly grew away from the way we played at first: meeting others at a club, perhaps where they were lying naked next to you in a group room, advancing from touching to full sex in about 20 minutes, and then never seeing them again. We like to get to know the others first, with some nice conversation. For a while, we would not play at the first meeting, but then we found that it was frequently inconvenient to set up a follow-on meeting for play. So, now we like to set up the three part session, "meal, get to know, and then play," with the unspoken proviso that if any of us does not click, then we say goodbye after the meal.

We have found that it is much easier to find single guys we are compatible with than single gals or couples. Single gals are like the mythical unicorns, and with couples then it has to be all four of us that are satisfied with all the others. With single guys, we can scope out fairly well ahead of time if we will be compatible or not. And the single guys are always very grateful!

Bowie MD
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Hey neighbors..haha

The best way is just to be honest like you are being here. Let them know, youre new, you have some reservations, you're a little nervous and such.

If you think you have a connection with a couple online and get the feeling that you would follow through, there are a couple of clubs downtown here that you can meet at. I recommend one over the other for couples. Without advertising it would be the "M" one not the "T" one.

You can suggest to meet them there. That place is pretty laid back, tables, music, dancing. And again. Let them know you are just getting your feet wet. Then IF you guys hang out there and decide to move further, you can play there public, semi public, or private. And that solves the safety aspect since there are tons of other people there plus security.

If you really are comfortable with them, then leave and go somewhere private.

But you leave yourself an out by being honest and saying "You're checking it out and working into it"

It takes away the pressure of "meeting for sex"

That club has rules that make it pretty unfriendly to single men which is great for couples who dont want that pressure. You wont be approached by them. Whereas the other place allows them to roam freely and you tend to have a steady stream of people pushing to hookup.

As far as "rejecting people" try to get pics and that stuff early on. We ask for that right away in the first email. If we send an email, we open our pics up right away.

In those cases, asking for pics in the initial email gives you 2 options. There is a difference of opinion on here but personally, I dont have a problem with the "no response" option. But thats hard to do once you already have a few chats with them under your belt and THEN get pics. Then you just have to either be blunt and say something like "we're not feeling it" or weasel out of it with some kind of excuse.

Decide also what types of people you are looking for. Some couples want to be friends, others dont.

We're the type when it comes to couples, that we love friends with benefits. We enjoy hanging out even if it doesnt lead to sex. We are more than happy to just socialize and such and see where things go.

Others are different. They want to email. Meet somewhere, be naked in the first 5 minutes, do it, and go.

Its ok to leave things loose and openended. If you want to meet a couple, but dont want pressure......."Hey guys, we're heading out to such and such bar to hang out, stop by if you want to meet us"

Youre not promising sex. Youre not setting a date that you cant back out of if you get cold feet, and at the same time if you all meet and things click, there is nothing preventing you from saying "We're heading home, you guys are welcome to come over" or "We're heading home, catch u guys online again?"

Always remember that people tend to be different in person than they are online. You find that out right away. Pushy people online may be shy and timid in person. Others the opposite. You may find couples where you can tell one is overly eager and the other is "along for the ride"

Again. Just be upfront. We were nervous in the beginning too. We still get nervous. Especially being new to Nashville ourselves and not having played much here. Stating your intentions and feeling up front leaves you in control of the evening. You meet at a hotel room, the other couple is going to expect to meet for sex. Say...."We're going out, wanna continue our chat at Chilis?" Leaves all the options open.

Mount Juliet TN
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because he was unsure of how he felt about a male. =================================

What is he unsure of feeling?

White Hse Sta NJ
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We started with a SM because it was easier to find a single person we both liked than it was to find a couple we both liked. The math geek in me says the 1:2^3 odds of a successful MFM are twice as likely as the 1:2^4 odds of a successful MFMF. The unexpected bonus was no one gets bored or feels left out when the three of you are enjoying the lazy H.

Dallas TX
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@ akron, seriously smart ass? LMAO!

@ weekend warriors, we should set up a play date ;), and we have talked about it, but there are times when he wants to shut down *sigh* but he surprised me by texting the guy himself and setting it up for next week for me lol! he just wants to make sure we don't play separately! and yes, it was a single male

Nashville TN
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There were a slew of folks on the Titantic who felt "no play on the first date" was a great idea. Many died virgins.

White Hse Sta NJ
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it went great everyone, even though i was awkward as hell! he was so nice!, he was even respectful of no play on the first date! i introduced him to my bf, and they even played pool together! my bf SAID he wasn't jealous, and i really thought he wasn't, but he was a little possessive. what to do, what to do. BTW weekend warriors, i happen to think interracial couples are the sexiest of the sexys;)

Nashville TN
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@ weekend warriors: absolutely you may steal it, i am glad you like it!

thank you everyone for your sound advice! getting ready for a first date tonight (meet and greet) so hopefully i can put all the good advice to the test, and have some awesome fun!!!

Nashville TN
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Doing new stuff can be scary, especially when it feels like everyone else knows the rules and you don't. Don't sweat it, we've All been there. The best thing that the two of you can do is to talk, Talk, and then Talk some more, about your experiences, your fears, your surprises, and what you want out of the LS. Even if you end up deciding that the LS isn't right for your relationship, being able to talk about things will never be bad for you!

Don't let others push you in directions that you don't want to go, but try to remain open to exploring new ground too. You may surprise yourselves with what you find that you hadn't expected.

Use your LS experiences to grow your own relationship by incorporating them into what you already have, making things even better for the two of you.

Trust your instincts if they tell you that something isn't quite right. There are freaks out there, as well as SM's pretending to be a couple (she's never available to chat or meet, but he's Very available, etc.).

Have Fun! :-) If it isn't fun, why are you doing it?


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Oh, and ignore Akron. ;) ====================

Grave mistake. Do as you please. ;-)

White Hse Sta NJ
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TOPIC: We are new to LS HELP!