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Was your first time THIS bad? : Swingers Discussion 239667
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FORUMSGeneral DiscussionsGetting StartedWas your first time THIS bad?
TOPIC: Was your first time THIS bad
Created by: SunnyFlower3
Original Starting post for this thread:
I'm the lady half. Ok so I found us a couple websites (this one and another one) and put up a profile. We're complete virgins, have only been with each other for the last 18 years. We know NOTHING. I get an email from a guy who says he and his wife would like to meet. Awesome! And before I even had pics up... Wow hope we don't turn them off when they see us!!! went through my mind. Ok, upload the pics, he loves them, she loves them. Then (it wasn't this site) the site locked him out of our profile. Since we'd been chatting for over a week both naughty and nice when he sent me his cell number I was like um lemme check it with Mr. who was just fine with it. He and I had nearly two weeks of really smoking hot sexting that I made sure to read to Mr. every day... nothing like naughty talk to get the motors runnin right?! So the night of our meet. Dinner out, neutral ground. Dinner went fine, we all decided to come back to our place to .... whatever.... After two hours of chit chat and awkward silences, I the virgin, (our playmates have 4 years in the life style) had to lead the charge. I got tired. We had dinner at 6 and it was after midnight, somebody DO something... So I lead the charge, I take his hand and lead him into the bedroom. Now mind you he has spent two weeks telling me how long he last (an hour or more) and how skilled he is and what he's going to do to me IN DETAIL. The spouses were both the slower to warm halves but within 2 minutes they were already off in the other bedroom. I didn't see the train wreck coming for me, I didn't even hear it! I swear though he had his clothes off wam and half a bam later he was done. He was a 2 minute wonder. The kind you wonder if he actually made it 2 minutes (this can be worked around but not after you spend two weeks telling me how long you last!!!) and then the entire rest of the evening, when he wasn't outside trying to peek in windows or on the couch with the TV muted so he could listen in on the other bedroom he WAS ASLEEP ON THE COUCH. Meanwhile in the other room he had a giggler. Non. Stop. Giggling. Truly, non stop. She'd giggle then apologize for giggling then giggle because she apologized! He has never in our 18 years had a malfunction like this. She was cute, interesting and had great tits. But every time she giggled Mr. Johnson hung his head even further! He did manage to get her off with his fingers but never even managed to get a hard on. She left all grins and yes, giggles and he left with her in a hurry. I get the guy not lasting but don't lie to me, that's what toys are for, that's what fingers and mouths and movies are for. Be honest, make an effort. I don't ask for much. The male half was jealous of my husbands size too. You got what you got, you are who you are...

So, was your first time THIS bad? We were both left mentally exhausted and frustrated (which we cured with no malfunctions what so ever over a period of the whole morning and part of the afternoon the next day!) Do tell!

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AR,

That's a very helpful post.

I agree that you have to speak up, but the fact is that in the heat of the moment, particularly in sexual situations, we may not always make the best decisions, or we may not notice things we would otherwise notice. And in those situations, a bad decision -- not speaking up -- may seem like a good decision, or at least an easy and acceptable one.

And that's where I choose to parcel out the blame differently. The rough person should also be paying attention to the other person's reaction and realize that what they're doing isn't working. And then STOP doing it.

I know you aren't saying this, but taken to the extreme, you might end up with the rule that someone can behave as badly as they want, and if their partner doesn't speak up, it's ok. That's why I'm not giving the husband and the wife a pass in the original situation, and I'm not giving the woman who was rough a pass in yours.

ST

Kitty Hawk NC
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2flnatives,

And then the same damn thing happened where I was this past Saturday night. Small house party of 4 couples who are all friends, but 2 of those couples had only met recently. One of those women was really into the other woman, and got a little rough with the fingers. The recipient just took it even though it was hurting her because she didn't want to "be rude" to a friend of ours. I blame myself partially for this. I was standing there clueless while it was happening. When she told me what happened the next day I schooled her on it, saying the same things I said here. It is not "rude" to say, "not so rough". It is not "rude" to tell someone to stop, no matter who it is. And I shouldn't have had to say that, she and her husband aren't n00bs, 10 years in the lifestyle. This stuff can happen even among a group of friends who are all experienced swingers. No matter what the situation is, you have to speak up.

Hilliard OH
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No, I don't ask for ID. By that time we've usually chatted for long enough that if I want their name and they are willing to give it to me, there has to be enough of a connection to trust them that much.

Visalia CA
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Scouple I like a lot of your posts. But a few rolling classes will not help a woman. Unless she is has a lot of experience and training a lady wont stand a chance against an angry man (sorry ladies). I taught a few self defense classes for women and totally focused on a very few crippling blows and basically tell them to follow that by running like hell.

I think is a terrible lesson to learn the hard way but strength and size matters. Giving someone a false sense of security doesnt help them.

Lexington KY
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Asking for a full name is a good idea. Do you ask them to show their IDs to make sure they're not using fake names?

Schaumburg IL
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I am a married woman playing solo... a Hotwife. My husband knows and approves. It's just not his thing. He knows about all my dates. First date is a no-play date in a neutral location (coffee, lunch) and I am one to ask for a first and last name along with his cell phone number. I even have that in my profile. If a man isn't willing to give me his name, same information he'll give the pizza delivery boy, then there is no point in going any further. If he can't trust me with his name, I'm not about to trust him with my body. For play dates, I leave that information with my husband along with where I will be. Like I said before, I like dominate men so I know I need to take steps to make sure that they are gentleman outside the bedroom. Martial Arts won's help if we are tied up ;-)

Visalia CA
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An offshoot Jiu Jitsu class for LS women... Yumm... I get to meet them and teach them how to grapple on the floor. And to simulate a real scenario, everyone needs to be topless. Mixing work and fun... Wow... Can't beat that... LOL

And Jiu Jitsu is also a great workout. That really sounds enticing :D

How many women here will take a class like that? And it doesn't have to be SF, right? All women can certainly use some self defense skills.

Schaumburg IL
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all good ideas. you know what else is a good idea? being financially responsible. would anyone really disagree that it would be a good idea to always manage your money wisely so that you could get the maximum enjoyment out of every hard earned dollar you make throughout your life?

and yet according to The Merna Law Group, p.c. Attorneys At Law, 1,032,326 people filed bankruptcy in 2013. now one can debate that number but that isn't the point. the point is most people know what they should do. getting them to do it is a whole different thing.

SF's in the LS know they are taking risks. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to actually convince each of them that they need to implement your list into their LS activity. BUT, I think there may be one other diamond in the rough here that you may need to polish up a little. Could even work your way into a few new rentals down here in florida, (which by the way, you guys need to get down here and um... check on. ;). Here it is. Jui Jitsu classes specifically designed for women in the LS! Bro! There's your next million!

I expect a small percentage of course for pitching you the idea, but i'm not greedy. 50/50 sounds reasonable to me. 8^)

Cape Canaveral FL
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shesmooth,

I have no intention in telling SFs to stay away from the lifestyle. Heck, we don't have enough unicorns as it is... LOL

But yes, I think there are several things that a SF in the lifestyle can do to beat the odds of getting assaulted. If I were a SF, I might do a combination of the following:

1. To have a trusted friend for checking in every 2-3 hours. Maybe even telling him/her the location of the date, just not what the date is about (unless the friend is also a swinger or very open minded and accepting).

2. Only play with couples or SMs with credentials (i.e. recommendations from fellow swingers)

3. Initiate any play/FWB relationship in a safe location only (i.e. on-premise party) until a comfort level is achieved before going out on a date one-on-one

4. Find a trusted friend (male or female) to swing together and keep an eye on each other

5. Last but not least, learn some self defense and how to mount a surprise attack on a hostile individual. Jiu Jitsu and Judo have excellent grappling techniques when you're lying down (as in when you're already or about to be engaged in a sex act).

Schaumburg IL
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S_couple, I guess i'm confused as to where you're going with this. do you have some suggestion for how to keep all women safe who choose to have sex? shall we ban SF's from the LS for their own good? LOL, good luck with that. :)

I think you're well intentioned, but not very practical. SF's are in the lifestyle and they're not leaving until they are good and ready no matter how much you worry about them. So, the best you can do is support them in their choice, do your part to keep an eye out for them at parties and such just as you would any other female, and encourage them to be smart and strong as they seek to enjoy their sexual freedoms just as you and I do.

The laws are in place for all. whether they are seen by society as "good guys" or "bad guys" is irrelevant. Rape happens to women in the lifestyle and outside of it and if there were a way to stop it, I feel safe in saying it would have already been done. so far, the best we've come up with in this country is locking their sleezy, degenerate, scumbag asses away from humankind.

Cape Canaveral FL
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TOPIC: Was your first time THIS bad