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Was it hard for you to see your spouse or parter with another lover : Swingers Discussion 1425521051
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FORUMSGeneral DiscussionsGetting StartedWas it hard for you to see your spouse or parter with another lover
TOPIC: Was it hard for you to see your spouse or parter with another lover
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I am with Va, i would be livid. You confronted her right off the bat and she denied wanting the guy. What was her excuse when you caught her? If I were you, I would sit her down asap and have a very long talk. Holding in your feelings will only fester. Good luck :)

Augusta NJ
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The problem you have here is one of trust. Your wife couldn't seem to control herself well enough to not sneak away at her first opportunity.

I don't mind seeing my wife with another lover. In fact, it's cool. BUT - if we were under a "no playing tonight" or "don't get busy on your own" agreement and I found her off having sex with someone else, I'd be LIVID.

The issue is trust. What exactly your wife was doing to break your trust - having sex, raiding the freezer, or emptying your bank account - is really secondary.

Land O Lakes FL
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I went to my first Swingers party last weekend, in large part because my wife said she wanted to hook up with another couple. We had talked about it for months and I finally just said what the heck and looked online and happened to find a local party. During our previous talks, she assured me it was not about her just wanting another guy and we talked a lot about rules and open communication. Unfortunately, I don't think you ever know how you'll feel until it happens. After four hours of watching, participating in some games and talking to other couples, I could see my wife was attracted to a younger, single guy at the party. She kept telling me she wasn't, but I could tell. In either case, she kept telling me she wanted to hook up with a couple like we planned, but at one point when I went to get a drink for us, she slipped away and I found them going at it in a room. I don't know how I would have felt had I been involved in the process, but I can tell you I have found it difficult to get over the shock and have felt betrayed. At the same time, I love my wife and want her to be happy. I wish there was some magic potion to take away my hurt feelings, but I can't help but feel a little insecure.

Bakersfield CA
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These forums are just great for getting up to speed on every aspect of the lifestyle. Just seeing my wife "off the chain", was fantastic. Plus, It gave us lots of stuff to talk about afterward, I appreciate that part, because prior to this, she didn't care to have frank, graphic conversations about sex. Now she does, and it added a very positive element to our relationship. I guess the jealousy aspect would be the most difficult thing to deal with. One thing that I think helped us, was her having phone sex with the gentleman that we played with later. She hit the ground running, and while she was tired after, both of us men were barely able to stand. I feel that a lot of years went by, where she did not have the opportunity to realize her full potential in the bedroom. Lots to think about and discuss between us upon discovering this lifestyle, and it has been very positive.

Spring TX
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Indeed there are going to be feelings. Think of how many messages in popular culture celebrate jealousy and make it seem righteous. That stuff burrows into the subconscious and can come out at unexpected times. Not that it has to, but it can, so don't be scared off when it happens.

It will pass. A strong relationship and good communication will help it pass. With practice it will atrophy away entirely.

And that leaves the fun feelings! And boy are they fun!

-Steve

Santa Fe NM
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There are going to be feelings. No one really talks too much about that. It's what you do with those feelings and how you handle things that makes this a "success" or a "failure." Any twinge of jealousy or uncomfortable-ness will pass if you let yourself feel them, and if you talk about things. You learn so much about yourself.

And again, it can certainly make you feel closer and more connected as a couple.

The key is communication, and you have to be in a good place with your partner in order to be turned on by seeing them with someone else. If you spend your time concerned with what's going on with them, as in thinking or fretting that they are ok with things, then you will be inhibited in your play. That part WILL get better as you gain experience.

The newness of any experience is/can be exciting but also a little nerve wracking. That's true of non-sexual activities as well.

You will be fine, and you will, in time, surprise yourselves with how much enjoyment you may feel seeing your partner with others. Or playing in separate rooms and then hearing about the details after.

Have fun, Gina

San Antonio TX
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Welcome to the forums exploration :)

Augusta NJ
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Hold on a sec ..... They give out cards!!! No wonder it's taken so long :p

In all honesty its threads like these that us newbies appreciate the most, all these emotions and questions, its so nice to have a place like this fall back on.

S Yarmouth MA
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The first time for her, we had arranged to meet a man for Kate on a trip. He was sexy and had her shirt off almost before the hotel door shut. She had been nervous and concerned that either she or I wouldn't be into it. She forgot all about that in no time. lol.

She and he had a great time as I took some pictures. I love looking at those pics. Her smile is sooo big! After he left, we had a great time, several times that night.

Merritt Island FL
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Loved it...

Np

San Antonio TX
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TOPIC: Was it hard for you to see your spouse or parter with another lover