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Was it hard for you to see your spouse or parter with another lover : Swingers Discussion 1425521032
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FORUMSGeneral DiscussionsGetting StartedWas it hard for you to see your spouse or parter with another lover
TOPIC: Was it hard for you to see your spouse or parter with another lover
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Thank you all for your comments. He, love that he is, said that for the time being, we will stop everything, because our relationship is more important to him than swinging. He admitted that he may have been stepping up his game for the other women, because that's just what guys do when presented with someone new, wanting to do well, and make a good impression. We talked about what bothered me, including the "Mars and Venus" differences in how we experience things. We will be "vertical" friends with some of the people we have gotten to know, but will take time for us before we venture out to play with others again. I wish all of you luck and many happy playdates!

Pahrump NV
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The main problem, as I see it, is that he brought his "A" game for her, and made love to her in ways I wish he did with me, but doesn't."

You need to talk about this with your husband. Now given, we all know how marriage is. Despite all of the bragging about 30 hour sex sessions, marriage is life. And some weeks we are dragging ass and sex is done on less than your "A" game. However, if you are consistently feeling like you are getting less than what you would like to get and in swinging he is another way, you need to talk with him. As far as your emotions go...its up to each couple. Personally I think that one partner wanting to fuck yet keeping their partner on a leash is selfish. However, its not up to me and frankly none of my business how you do things in your marriage....so if MFMs work with you...and your husband is okay with that...rock on. Communicate. You need to really talk about the A game issue.

San Marcos TX
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At first I was in awe, then got excited about it, then fucked her silly afterwards.

San Antonio TX
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----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The main problem, as I see it, is that he brought his "A" game for her, and made love to her in ways I wish he did with me, but doesn't. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I'm not sure what you mean by this, but your husband's willingness to stop everything seems like he wants to make things right. Maybe you could try a few MFMs with the understanding that the the men are totally focused on your pleasure (whatever you like best). You could also try removing the guilt reaction by the ladies wearing blindfolds. You could also try a fantasy scenario-- one that we would like to someday try is a card game with 4 to 6 men and 2 ladies both wearing french maid outfits and are "serving" the men.

It is natural to experience some emotions that you don't expect. Make sure you both talk about these feelings and decide together if it is worth continuing swinging.

Gibsonia PA
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This may be a bit late in the stream, but I just read the previous posts. I am the female in the couple, and am having a really hard time seeing my partner with another woman. Although we are new to the ls with each other, we began because I enjoyed swinging in a past relationship, and he wanted to explore the possibilities. All of your advice about "safe words...taking reconnect breaks", etc is excellent afdvice that I wish I had realized I needed before I had not one, but 2 bad experiences. I was not prepared for the emotional reaction I had to his being with someone else. A break from the other couple to reconnect as a couple during " playtime" may have helped. I was a gracious hostess i continuing the play, as the other couple was in our house, but after they left, we talked about the experience. The main problem, as I see it, is that he brought his "A" game for her, and made love to her in ways I wish he did with me, but doesn't. He is willing to stop all future activities with anyone, and suggested we stop everything immediately. I don't really want that, for his as well as my pleasure, but am torn. Any help would be welcome.

Pahrump NV
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Again, best of luck to you, and the wife.

Littleton CO
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Thanks again for all your comments. I'm a big boy and I can take it. I didn't call the host to complain, I just wanted to gain a better understanding of what to expect. It was my first time and he was serving as a sort of mentor. It was a follow-up to a conversation the host and I had at the party. The "regulars" knew we were newbees and were doing there best not to scare us off. I say that with a smile. I certainly don't expect everything to go perfectly or it to be some sort of sterile environment. I was pleasantly surprised with how under control most of the people there were while still having a lot of fun. My question about the "swinging single" was simply because his behavior seemed atypical for the people I've spoken to regarding the lifestyle and this specific group in general. Great points though, otherwise, but I wasn't crying foul, heck, I hope the other guy continues to go to parties. I'm not afraid of that situation, just aware of some of my wife's potential desires when I go to a party. To me it's not about just cheating with someone else, it's about sharing the experience with her. Others can do what they want, that's great. That's what I want to get out of the experience, an experience with my wife, not flying solo. Everybody wants something different, that's my thing. I will stay clear of others that want something different and I would hope my wife will too from this point on. If not, then I guess I've got a bigger decision to make. In either case, I'm a big boy, I can take it. Thanks again.

Bakersfield CA
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A lot of people try to use the lifestyle to replace something they feel is missing in their life or marriage. Best case scenario, the hidden issues are brought out before something truly devastating happens. The lifestyle is the last place you want to work out marital problems.

Panama City Beach FL
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Swinging is not an excuse for doing what you want without consideration for your partners feelings and preferences.

G.

San Antonio TX
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" If or when we go back, we will be ready or we won't go, at least I wont, it's as simple as that."

That one sentence spoke volumes in it's implications over everything else you said in your last post.

I hope things work out for you.

Littleton CO
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TOPIC: Was it hard for you to see your spouse or parter with another lover