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Was it hard for you to see your spouse or parter with another lover : Swingers Discussion 1425521031
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FORUMSGeneral DiscussionsGetting StartedWas it hard for you to see your spouse or parter with another lover
TOPIC: Was it hard for you to see your spouse or parter with another lover
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sweetnslow, You have a good introspection about all this. And the fact that your relationship with each other is the priority says a lot about you as a couple. I think we do get "comfortable" with each other sometimes, and bring our "A" games when meeting new people, for the reasons you mentioned, and probably for dozens more. Your husband can "be himself" with you. And ok, sometimes we get lazy with each other. We want sex, intimacy, connection with our own partners, and let our guards down, our walls down with each other. We can be honest.

For a while, my husband would go down on other women b/c it was "expected" of him, not necessarily because it was something he just jumped at the change of doing. I know that about him, because he can let his guard down, and because he trusts me exclusively, and he can be more "honest." I'm not going to reject him for any reason. I love him. So, at first, when I saw that he did this for/with others, I had that twinge of "hey, why don't you do that with me?" Well duh. 1. it's also not my favorite thing to receive, so why would I want him to? 2. he knows what DOES get me off, knows it better than anyone ever could and ever will, so anything "extra" is just that...extra. 3. comfortable with each other doesn't have to mean complacent 4. there is no competition when it is just him and me, there is no rush, if something doesn't quite work out this time, or we laugh, or stop, or someone doesn't orgasm, they we know that we will be "trying" again later, or tomorrow, or even two or three days from now and the former incident won't be deemed as "negative." We are together. That's forever. With a new partner, or swing couple, this one time might be the only time.

You're on the right track by talking. Also by putting your relationship first. This swinging thing is for fun. Good luck to you both,

Gina

San Antonio TX
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We actually just got back from our first-ever experience with another couple (also members here on SLS - they know who they are!)...and we both loved it! We joined back in August and took our time making sure we found a couple that we trusted and felt very comfortable with.

Yes, we were both nervous about it, and probably will be until we become more experienced, but we didn't have any of the reactions that we were so worried about: no jealousy from either parter; no drama; no "freak out" moment. I think this is testimony to taking things slow and talking openly with your partner.

We realize that there's probably several bad experiences down the road for us...but we really lucked out finding the right people for our first time!


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I've been reading the posts, at first I was in awe how people ignored the original posters question about dealing with an emotion that may come up as part of swinging. I saw maybe 1 or 2 posts that tried, and it was an honest effort. The second half was a couple where one couldn't stick with the agreed rules and felt that swinging let them down.

There is no set standard for swinging, most of the beliefs of swinging are peoples own opinion and beliefs. There is nothing that can prepare you emotionally seeing someone you love with another person for the first time. For some it may be too much, and cause problems after. Veteran swingers will always say communication is key in swinging, but also understanding and knowing when to slow down and back off is also key. While some may want to discredit me for saying what I'm saying cause I'm a single, but I am observant of people, and I have seen couples that were friends broken up because they couldn't handle the emotions.

Sorry for my rant everyone.

Port Saint Lucie FL
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I think you are a very smart couple, all of the best to you.


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Thank you all for your comments. He, love that he is, said that for the time being, we will stop everything, because our relationship is more important to him than swinging. He admitted that he may have been stepping up his game for the other women, because that's just what guys do when presented with someone new, wanting to do well, and make a good impression. We talked about what bothered me, including the "Mars and Venus" differences in how we experience things. We will be "vertical" friends with some of the people we have gotten to know, but will take time for us before we venture out to play with others again. I wish all of you luck and many happy playdates!

Pahrump NV
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The main problem, as I see it, is that he brought his "A" game for her, and made love to her in ways I wish he did with me, but doesn't."

You need to talk about this with your husband. Now given, we all know how marriage is. Despite all of the bragging about 30 hour sex sessions, marriage is life. And some weeks we are dragging ass and sex is done on less than your "A" game. However, if you are consistently feeling like you are getting less than what you would like to get and in swinging he is another way, you need to talk with him. As far as your emotions go...its up to each couple. Personally I think that one partner wanting to fuck yet keeping their partner on a leash is selfish. However, its not up to me and frankly none of my business how you do things in your marriage....so if MFMs work with you...and your husband is okay with that...rock on. Communicate. You need to really talk about the A game issue.


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At first I was in awe, then got excited about it, then fucked her silly afterwards.

San Antonio TX
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----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The main problem, as I see it, is that he brought his "A" game for her, and made love to her in ways I wish he did with me, but doesn't. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I'm not sure what you mean by this, but your husband's willingness to stop everything seems like he wants to make things right. Maybe you could try a few MFMs with the understanding that the the men are totally focused on your pleasure (whatever you like best). You could also try removing the guilt reaction by the ladies wearing blindfolds. You could also try a fantasy scenario-- one that we would like to someday try is a card game with 4 to 6 men and 2 ladies both wearing french maid outfits and are "serving" the men.

It is natural to experience some emotions that you don't expect. Make sure you both talk about these feelings and decide together if it is worth continuing swinging.

Gibsonia PA
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This may be a bit late in the stream, but I just read the previous posts. I am the female in the couple, and am having a really hard time seeing my partner with another woman. Although we are new to the ls with each other, we began because I enjoyed swinging in a past relationship, and he wanted to explore the possibilities. All of your advice about "safe words...taking reconnect breaks", etc is excellent afdvice that I wish I had realized I needed before I had not one, but 2 bad experiences. I was not prepared for the emotional reaction I had to his being with someone else. A break from the other couple to reconnect as a couple during " playtime" may have helped. I was a gracious hostess i continuing the play, as the other couple was in our house, but after they left, we talked about the experience. The main problem, as I see it, is that he brought his "A" game for her, and made love to her in ways I wish he did with me, but doesn't. He is willing to stop all future activities with anyone, and suggested we stop everything immediately. I don't really want that, for his as well as my pleasure, but am torn. Any help would be welcome.

Pahrump NV
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Again, best of luck to you, and the wife.

Littleton CO
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TOPIC: Was it hard for you to see your spouse or parter with another lover