125
Was it hard for you to see your spouse or parter with another lover : Swingers Discussion 1425521011
Busy Swingers Forum - everything you always wanted to know about swingers.
SwingLifeStyle Swingers Personal Ads. | SwingLifeStyle Swingers Clubs

Busy Swingers Forum

Everything you always wanted to know about swingers.

Create A Free Account

HELP
FORUMSGeneral DiscussionsGetting StartedWas it hard for you to see your spouse or parter with another lover
TOPIC: Was it hard for you to see your spouse or parter with another lover
GoTo Page: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 ... More 
Start   11 to 20 of 100   End
User Details are only visible to members.
I was worried about that too...both for me and for him. How would HE feel seeing me w/someone else? But, as we are both strong in our relationship, secure with our feelings for each other, we found that not to be a problem at all. The key is, as I'm sure someone has already said, communication. We talked about it a LONG time before acting on our ideas. "How would you feel if...?" "What do we do if...?"

We both expected there to be some serious after-effects after our first time. But, we surprised ourselves by feeling nothing after. It was fun and we said, "ok, that was cool." But that is it. And my guy is an emotional kinda Italian guy...but no blips on the radar, no worry about our relationship, just a wink and a smile and "what's next."

Keep talking to each other. Keep asking questions of people who've been here before you. Start slow and see how you feel. You know your relationship is way more important than anything else. :) Mrs. AZ

Mesa AZ
Username hidden
(19 posts)
User Details are only visible to members.
Back to the question; No, not at all but I don't enjoy it as much as I like him seeing me with someone else.

Pulaski TN
Username hidden
(506 posts)
User Details are only visible to members.
Thank you, kind sir.....

*Taking a bow*

LOL!

Panama City Beach FL
Username hidden
(293 posts)
User Details are only visible to members.
Oh, and looking over this thread, this thought comes to mind and I just have to say it:

Pixie: goddamn you have hot pics!

:-)

-Steve

Santa Fe NM
Username hidden
(41 posts)
User Details are only visible to members.
K, re: how to separate love from sex,

I don't know that I necessarily do separate 'love' from 'sex', but I don't necessarily sign up for all the freight that our culture attaches to the word 'love' either. When I'm making love with someone -- whether it is my wife or someone else -- I feel affection for them. The woman could be close to being a stranger, but take care of each other's bodies we manifest affection. When I feel the pleasure in her body, that pleases me. It wouldn't really work for me if it didn't.

Does that mean I'm "in love" with her? I dunno. Mostly I don't like the "in love" terminology that much, with its implication of a switch that gets flipped and then the world is different. It seems much more like a continuum to me. Does the sex move her on that continuum toward more affection. Yeah, probably, but there are limits to how far that can go from just sex.

So, I guess I'm saying I don't separate them completely, but I don't connect them completely either.

-steve

Santa Fe NM
Username hidden
(41 posts)
User Details are only visible to members.
Pixie, I love this comment:

As long as you're being honest with yourself, you know what YOU are thinking.

That sort of honesty with yourself and knowing what you are thinking is a key life skill that seems obvious but I think is hard for many people. We're bombarded constantly with messages about what to think, feel and want, so it can be hard to clear all that away and listen to the voice that comes from inside.

Once you can do that though, you know what it sounds like and you can't go back!

-steve

Santa Fe NM
Username hidden
(41 posts)
User Details are only visible to members.
It was not hard to see my spouse with another woman, in fact it turned me on big time, if anything it has made the sex hotter, because now I learned of another one of his fantasies :)

Chesterfield MI
Username hidden
(1 post)
User Details are only visible to members.
Seperating the emotions is relatively easy. As long as you're being honest with yourself, you know what YOU are thinking. The hard part is trusting that your spouse is willing and able to do the same. The bottom line is that you need to develop that trust and you can only do that by putting yourselves in real situations and confronting the fears you have. If you confront your fears with open and honest communication, you'll do fine. Anything less than that, and you'll likely do more harm than good or, at best, the journey will be much more difficult.

For us, sex and love have nothing to do with each other in terms of swinging. Sex is an act and love is an emotion. When we make love with each other it is sex, but it includes a major componant that is completely missing in swinging.... love. When we have sex with others, our intent has nothing to do with love, at least as defined between husband and wife anyway.

Quite frankly, swinging is comparable to any other hobby which brings us excitement, perhaps like sky diving, mountain climbing, or hunting. Once you've gotten the trust and communication figured out, there's almost no difference between swinging and any other thrill seeking hobby.

Panama City Beach FL
Username hidden
(293 posts)
User Details are only visible to members.
With more reflection I keep thinking about the emotional aspects of this. And maybe this was the first question I should have asked. How do you seperate the emotion of love and the act of sex?

I'm not concerned about falling in love or loving the other person we bring in, I know there is a difference and I certainly didn't fall in love with my husband because of the sex. We talked on phone, text and emails for over a month before we met face to face and it was in that time that I fell in love with him.

I've never been one to have just casual sex or one night stands and in my mind you have sexual relations with someone you're in love with or in a relationship with, the usual ideals that we were taught in sex ed class in school (so long ago). So I guess that's the question, how do you seperate out the emotions?

Oregon City OR
Username hidden
(13 posts)
User Details are only visible to members.
Thank you all for your comments. My husband and I have both look at them and talked about it even more.

With further contemplation over my "screams wrong" comment, I'm not worried about what other people would say if they find out. I don't even judge people for what they do in their own lives, and I don't feel its immorally corrupt. If people are comfortable with this lifestyle, then who am I to judge them. Hey, more power to them.

My husband and I do talk about it all the time, and my post made him feel like he was pushing me in this direction and I need to make it clear that he is in no way doing that. He is very supportive and understands my questions and concerns. He is wonderful and I'm very luck to have him.

Steve-thank you for your words. I think part of the hold up for me is that as a child sex was never talked about. Being raised by a single father the talk was, you do it and die. The fear of God method was very affective. I lost my virginity at the age of 20 and married him. I never experimented with sex and have had very few partners. It wasn't until I met my husband that I realized a women could have more then one orgasim. How sad it that?

I guess you could say I'm very inexperienced in this aspect of my life. And you're right, I think he is trying to help me open up and explore while at the same time he is very respectful to my past and history.

This is a new area that I'm trying to explore, trying to look at it from all angles and hear from different people to see it this is something I could bring into my life and be ok with it. As I get older I find that I have to analyze things a little more, more cautious then in my youth.

Thank you all for your comments, its open my mind and given me a little more to chew on.

K

Oregon City OR
Username hidden
(13 posts)
GoTo Page: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 ... More 
Start   11 to 20 of 100   End
TOPIC: Was it hard for you to see your spouse or parter with another lover