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The very first time : Swingers Discussion 2164391011
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FORUMSGeneral DiscussionsGetting StartedThe very first time
TOPIC: The very first time
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My general rule is look for someone to be a friend first and a sex partner second. I couldn't see playing with anyone unless I could also see them being a friend outside the lifestyle as well. There is a certain level of trust and intimacy that is necessary with both friends and sex partners.

It helps if you like being around them when you're not having sex.

North Syracuse NY
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I'm assuming the other couple who "have shown interest" are LS newbies also, although you are currently vanilla friends? Well, this could work, but there are a lot of levels to "shown interest." If you are all absolutely sure that you all understand what you're talking about, give it a go. You absolutely, positively, for damn sure certain don't want to make an overture and get a response like, "Whaaat? You want to fuck with us? Are you out of your minds?" That will spoil your night -- and probably your friendship.

Charlotte NC
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I wish there was a "like" feature on SLS, because the advice you just got is spot-on accurate and well stated, particularly regarding expectations. Communicate often, respect the limits of everyone involved and have fun!

Westerville OH
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Welcome, madacada. Sirandp has excellent suggestions. In fact, all 3 of them are the best one.

Fun is what you're doing it for. It's fun to communicate in ways you haven't before. It's fun to have modest expectations and occasionally exceed them. It's fun to know yourself and your relationship better.

When it's not fun, stop -- and communicate, share your expectations, learn who you are. And when the light turns green again, go for some more. Eventually go home. Recall the fun.

Flat Rock NC
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Well, if you don't have any nervousness or excitement, you're doing it wrong! ;)

Seriously though, we started off swinging with friends, and we've had both good and not-so-good experiences. About the same as with people we meet in clubs or online. We actually prefer swinging with friends when we find ones who don't have marital problems, etc., that detonate the typical drama bombs.

The biggest issue that tends to pop up in first-time encounters is the green-eyed monster. The tug of jealousy, possessiveness, or even self-consciousness might pop up... even if you've done a lot of communicating and psyching up. There's something about going from "talking about it" to "doing it" that kicks up emotions.

The best advice I can muster is: 1) communicate communicate communicate 2) reduce your expectations; realize it may be awkward 3) remember it's about having fun... when it stops being fun, stop.

New Market MD
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TOPIC: The very first time