The very first time: Swingers Discussion 2164391011

155
The very first time: Swingers Discussion 2164391011

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TOPIC: The very first time

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User Details are only visible to members.	Mad, thanks for posting your experience (and welcome). My female friends int eh swinging world and I agree that while there is such a thing as a nice gentleman, there is also the man who is TOO gentlemanly. Yes. It can get confusing. You don't want to be pushy, yet you want to really let the woman know you find her desirable, and yes, you want to be confident. A lot of us LIKE for the other guy to take a lead. The more experience you have with this and other couples, the more you'll be able to "read" the come on. Gina
San Antonio TX			Username hidden (6056 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	UPDATE: Well, we had our first soft swap with our friends on Friday night. We had a few drinks to get everyone relaxed, then split up. My wife and my friend ventured to a different part of the house, while his wife and I shared some time in front of the fireplace. She seemed reluctant, yet willing, if that makes sense. She was hard to get a read on. We basically just kissed, while things went a little further between my friend and my wife. Fast forward to the following day (yesterday). Our female friend and I were texting back and forth, which is something common we do since we are both teachers, and I told her that I thought she was a good kisser and did well. She tells me that I was too much of a gentleman and I need to not be that way next time. INTERESTING. So, last night, they returned. Long story short, it was a full swap last night. Everyone enjoyed themselves, and my wife and I compared notes after they left. The end result is feeling a little dazed (the whole thing is surreal) and also very tired (I have now slept 4 hours over the past 2 nights). We are happy with our first experience, and will be sharing with them again on his birthday (the beginning of next month). I want to thank everyone who took the time to reply to this thread. The advice I received, and continue to receive, was running through my head while these events were taking place (OK, maybe not the whole time!), and I really felt like it helped. I wasn't nearly as nervous as I had anticipated, and I feel like my expectations and state of mind were all in a better place due to this forum. Thanks again!
Bluffton OH			Username hidden (6 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	Where's that damn teleporter?! ;-)
Visalia CA			Username hidden (4125 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	My general rule is look for someone to be a friend first and a sex partner second. I couldn't see playing with anyone unless I could also see them being a friend outside the lifestyle as well. There is a certain level of trust and intimacy that is necessary with both friends and sex partners. It helps if you like being around them when you're not having sex.
Hunt Valley MD			Username hidden (3556 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	Thanks so much for all of the responses. The greatest thing about this site is the wealth of experience and knowledge available. We had a very frank conversation with our friends, and they said this was something they are interested in. We told them that all they have to do is say the word and we will drop it. Or friendship is worth so much more than any interest we have in the LS. We are giving them space and time to think this over and discuss things among themselves. They are new to the LS too. I would be interested in any other feedback any of you could offer.
Bluffton OH			Username hidden (6 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	I'm assuming the other couple who "have shown interest" are LS newbies also, although you are currently vanilla friends? Well, this could work, but there are a lot of levels to "shown interest." If you are all absolutely sure that you all understand what you're talking about, give it a go. You absolutely, positively, for damn sure certain don't want to make an overture and get a response like, "Whaaat? You want to fuck with us? Are you out of your minds?" That will spoil your night -- and probably your friendship.
Charlotte NC			Username hidden (544 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	I wish there was a "like" feature on SLS, because the advice you just got is spot-on accurate and well stated, particularly regarding expectations. Communicate often, respect the limits of everyone involved and have fun!
Westerville OH			Username hidden (9 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	Welcome, madacada. Sirandp has excellent suggestions. In fact, all 3 of them are the best one. Fun is what you're doing it for. It's fun to communicate in ways you haven't before. It's fun to have modest expectations and occasionally exceed them. It's fun to know yourself and your relationship better. When it's not fun, stop -- and communicate, share your expectations, learn who you are. And when the light turns green again, go for some more. Eventually go home. Recall the fun.
Flat Rock NC			Username hidden (2825 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	Well, if you don't have any nervousness or excitement, you're doing it wrong! ;) Seriously though, we started off swinging with friends, and we've had both good and not-so-good experiences. About the same as with people we meet in clubs or online. We actually prefer swinging with friends when we find ones who don't have marital problems, etc., that detonate the typical drama bombs. The biggest issue that tends to pop up in first-time encounters is the green-eyed monster. The tug of jealousy, possessiveness, or even self-consciousness might pop up... even if you've done a lot of communicating and psyching up. There's something about going from "talking about it" to "doing it" that kicks up emotions. The best advice I can muster is: 1) communicate communicate communicate 2) reduce your expectations; realize it may be awkward 3) remember it's about having fun... when it stops being fun, stop.
New Market MD			Username hidden (193 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	My wife and I are totally new to this, and are in the process of setting up our first encounter. We aren't comfortable with the idea of total strangers, at least not yet, so we asked a couple we are good friends with about it. They have shown interest, so we are planning on moving forward. We are planning on soft swap to start, and will take it from there. My question is, what can we expect the first time. I know every encounter is unique, as are the people involved, but what type of nerves/excitement are normal? Have any of you ever had a bad experience swinging with close friends? Or good experiences? Is there any preparations to make before a first encounter? Advice? Stories to share of your first time? Just looking for as much info as possible before taking this monumental step.
Bluffton OH			Username hidden (6 post)

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TOPIC: The very first time