The very first time: Swingers Discussion 216439101

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TOPIC: The very first time

Created by: madacada Original Starting post for this thread:
My wife and I are totally new to this, and are in the process of setting up our first encounter. We aren't comfortable with the idea of total strangers, at least not yet, so we asked a couple we are good friends with about it. They have shown interest, so we are planning on moving forward. We are planning on soft swap to start, and will take it from there. My question is, what can we expect the first time. I know every encounter is unique, as are the people involved, but what type of nerves/excitement are normal? Have any of you ever had a bad experience swinging with close friends? Or good experiences? Is there any preparations to make before a first encounter? Advice? Stories to share of your first time? Just looking for as much info as possible before taking this monumental step.

Created by: madacada
Original Starting post for this thread:

My wife and I are totally new to this, and are in the process of setting up our first encounter.  We aren't comfortable with the idea of total strangers, at least not yet, so we asked a couple we are good friends with about it.  They have shown interest, so we are planning on moving forward.  We are planning on soft swap to start, and will take it from there.  

My question is, what can we expect the first time.  I know every encounter is unique, as are the people involved, but what type of nerves/excitement are normal?  Have any of you ever had a bad experience swinging with close friends?  Or good experiences?  Is there any preparations to make before a first encounter?  Advice?  Stories to share of your first time?  Just looking for as much info as possible before taking this monumental step.

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User Details are only visible to members.	Love It! Expect to wake up the next morning not sure if what you did was over the line, not enough, something your partner was ready for. Also be very prepared to discuss with your partner why she or he was or wasn't very comfortable with what happened. Without an open line of communication between all parties the morning after becomes very quit and uncomfortable. My suggestion....find a couple that has been in the lifestyle and very comfortable with their relationship. Go out with them a couple of times dinner drinks, dance. Develop a friendship then move forward into the sex if so desired....at your pace.
Columbus OH			Username hidden (7 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	I (male half) can identify with your feelings, macada. It's a pretty overwhelming experience, that first time. I'd had some experience in the LS before Mrs. Newbie and I got together, and found that the first encounter as a couple was slightly nerve-wracking. We aren't "hardcore" swingers, and have had a few fun play dates, but I'm starting to think that the best relationships in the LS (as in life in general) develop over time. I'll probably always be a bit nervous in the first encounter with a new couple, but thankfully Mrs. has embraced the whole thing with a lot of enthusiasm. And the sex between us after a play date is truly mind-blowing. Guess I'd say that embracing conflicting feelings is pretty normal, as long as the fun outweighs the mental pressure. If you're both enjoying the LS, it's all good.
Tempe AZ			Username hidden (81 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	Thanks Jack. So far things are going great!
Bluffton OH			Username hidden (6 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	Mad, you hit the nail directly on the head when you said "I guess you never know how you'll react to this sort of thing". No matter how much a couple has discussed the theory and their feelings, their reactions to getting hit with the reality can be surprising. Sounds like everyone is handling it well with plenty of honest communication. I suspect that you and your wife will do well in the LS. :-)
Fairview Heights IL			Username hidden (629 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	The green monster of jealousy can bite everyone. It's our experience that jealousy crops up when two of the participants have good, maybe great, chemistry, and the other two aren't as connected. But in the end, it's just sex. Your spouse loves you physically and emotionally! However, the lifestyle is supposed to be fun, and if someone is not having fun, it's time to reevaluate whether swinging is going to work. Usually taking time to reflect and talk about what makes you jealous is enough to resolve the problem. I will say that even the most experienced couple we know (our mentors!) go through bouts of jealousy. In sure some couples never experience it, but they are rare. Hope this helps.
Westerville OH			Username hidden (9 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	nj, I'm going to be honest with you, it has been an up and down week. Going into this, I was certain that she would be the one who would struggle with jealousy more. Turns out I was wrong. It is really easy to forget that it was just this past Saturday. It seems so much longer ago. Initially I was really excited. It was something I had been looking forward to, and the excitement and anticipation was incredible. Then, it happened, and I was happy for all parties involved. As the work week began, I found that I couldn't stop thinking about it. She seemed really happy with what happened, and I wasn't sure how I felt about that. I found myself feeling jealous and angry at times, though it wasn't horrible. Just nagging. Well, one way that I helped myself with this was to get back on here and read. I had read a lot before we did this, so I went back and read this thread, among others. The advice is so good, and so reassuring. I love both of these people in the other couple. I have known them for 30 years. We all grew up together. So, I know I have no reason to not trust any of them. Communication has been great. I think I needed to reevaluate my expectations. What I had with the woman wasn't mind-blowing, but she texted me a couple of days later and said that she was sorry she was so nervous. She said she would bring her A-game next time. It wasn't that it was bad (because it definitely wasn't), it's just that there wasn't a lot of chemistry there. I think that will improve. It was new, and somewhat awkward, but also exciting and fun. As for my wife and my friend, they loved it, though both admit it was scary. Both said they were freaking out on the inside while it was all going down. But they have great chemistry, and are obviously very attracted to each other. Both also said that, if this was a problem for me, it was over. No one is willing to jeopardize our friendship over this. As I have had more time to think about it, read on here, and talk to the other guy involved (that helped a lot), I feel better. I have had several great talks with my wife, who I trust completely. It was just an unexpected reaction coming from me. I guess you never know how you'll react to this sort of thing. We are likely getting together next weekend, and definitely the weekend after that (March 2). I'll post my reflections and feelings as things progress. We are all new to this, and every one of us had our "freak out" moment this past week, not just me. It is fun, exciting, and new. I can't wait to see how the next encounter is.
Bluffton OH			Username hidden (6 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	wow mad that is really exciting! But it doesn't sound like you were really intending to soft swap....I mean going off alone and all it sounds like most wanted a full swap....and that's what you got! The more I read here the more fun this all sounds....so after comparing notes and all, noone feels any pangs? That's my main concern...not for her but for me....I think she is much less prone to jealousy than I am...
Parsippany NJ			Username hidden (11 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	Wouldn't that be refreshing?
San Antonio TX			Username hidden (6002 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	why can't you just say I'am interested or just say yes and leave the mind game out of it.......BS
Kingston TN			Username hidden (1912 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	I have it listed in my profile... I like men who know when to be a Prince and when to be a Pirate ;-)
Visalia CA			Username hidden (4124 post)

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TOPIC: The very first time

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