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Sexually Single - but Married : Swingers Discussion 192158
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TOPIC: Sexually Single - but Married
Created by: dugernaut The original post for this thread was deleted.
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Nice clarification, lost. Okay, a good chunk of the time you're probably right, but a lot of times there are strong elements of what I originally wrote going on as well. I'm not a woman but I am a human being and although men and women are different in a lot of regards we also have a common thread and our behaviors do overlap for a lot of the same reasons.

Saint Clair Shores MI
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because she "doesn't feel like it", then either she is self-centered or she is retaliating against you for something. There might be some punishment going on and she's using sex as a retaliation weapon.'

I agree with alot of your post...but I disagree with this. Number one, a man can NEVER determine why a woman does what she does, or what she is feeling. Never try and assume why your lover/wife/gf whatever is doing...ask her. The reason why I say this is because sexually, men and women are so different. A man alot of times uses sex to feel loved and relieve stress. With me, and I think alot of women, there are many reasons why she can feel less sexy. With our love mate/partner, not recreational sex, we need to feel loved in order to want to make love. If we do not feel loved, whether that is hormonal, clinically, or relationship issue wise...we usually will not feel like jumping in the sack. Stress also is a definite mood killer. Its hard to go from chasing young ones all day, washing clothes, cleaning, cooking, working outside the home...and sucking your dick for an hour. I'm just sayin. My point to the gentlemen is, never assume what her motives are...ask her.

San Marcos TX
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Thanks!

Saint Clair Shores MI
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Okay, first of all I was in your situation once as well. My girlfriend and I stopped having sex because she got on anti-depressants and gained a ton of weight. The anti-depressants killed her sex drive and the weight gain made her self-conscious and embarrassed. So after 2 years of rarely having sex followed by 8 months of absolutely no sex, I started cunting around on her and we eventually broke up.

My advice to you would be change your age range from 21-50 to like 21-60. Lots of older people still like to fuck and if I don't fall into someone's age range, I don't generally contact that couple/person. You might be passing up some older prospects. Number 2-contact, contact, contact. Send 10 or more e-mails a day. There is a lot of single sausage out there, it's not necessarily going to be coming to you. But don't be a nuisance. If someone is looking for a guy 22-35 or for couples only, obviously you're not going to qualify.

On a moral level, you should level with her. I should have leveled with my girlfriend too. But I think your wife is somewhat breaching her marital contract. I always willingly and happily do things for my sex partner to be accommodating. That's part of being a good lover. But she's your wife, her obligations ought to be higher. Now if sex is flat-out painful, then that's not her fault. But if she isn't fucking you simply because she "doesn't feel like it", then either she is self-centered or she is retaliating against you for something. There might be some punishment going on and she's using sex as a retaliation weapon. Not cool, but if you swallow your pride, eat a little humble pie by having a heart-to-heart, you might make some headway. A lot of women stop fucking when their men stop being romantic. Stuff us guys regard as dumb shit goes far with them.

Saint Clair Shores MI
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Thank you I hesitate to open my mouth sometimes but I guess if a person asks for help honesty is required in responding.

Mrs Sav

Anniston AL
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Well said, Mrs. Sav!

Sheboygan Falls WI
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I just want to add that of you spent half the time wooing your wife who you claim to love very much as you did seeking sexually gratification outside of the relationship half you're problem might disappear. Sex is as much or more so in the mind as it is in the body. Clearly this stage of her life can be difficult and have physical issues to work through but if her emotional state isn't on target you've a much bigger problem on your hands. Finding playmates is time consuming, in your case involves lies and those things will have a very real affect on your relationship. It seems to be you've chosen to take the easy way out and justify it with your desires and needs. Intercourse is merely the icing on the cake for a wonderful sexual relationship , there are many other ways to pleasure each other and those might be worth investigating. Who knows, time spent romancing and courting your wife might be just the edge she needs to show interest in sex again and perhaps make her want to consult a doctor to assist her over this hurdle. You might want to consider that her "problem " possibly has very little to do with dryness and more to do with her state of mind and your relationship.

Mrs Sav

Anniston AL
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Doug, you said "We've talked about it and she understands I'm still horny most of the time. I half jokingly asked her about going outside for sex and she said "I'll kick your ass". So I guess that kinda means, no."

As has been said in many other forum threads here, communication is the key - whether you're swinging together or apart, and even if you are remaining monogamous. Talk, talk, talk, honestly! You need to have clear communication with your wife so you both understand what your needs and desires are, as well as what you have decided to do to fulfill your sexual drive since you find physical touch so important. And keep talking about it if it remains important to you. Don't presume her earlier response to your request to go outside the marriage is a definite no or that it won't change over time, but you won't know unless you listen to her. Since it is such a tender subject, a marriage counselor may be able to help you both work through your issues if you can't resolve them on your own. Good luck.

Sheboygan Falls WI
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It's all good by us, you're only lying to yourself. Sexual gratification outside of your marriage without your wife's consent is by definition cheating. But anyway...

Concord CA
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"I'm sorry but from my point of view all I can say is WTF!!!!!"

My sentiments exactly.

Windermere FL
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TOPIC: Sexually Single - but Married